Meant to be

Ch 9 contd....

Sidharth was surprised at the tears that threatened his eyes when he saw Shehnaaz crying. She was very distressed with the entry of Himanshi. If she was not so genuinely distraught he would actually not be comfortable with such drama and tantrum. This girl was obviously distraught. It somehow did not add up, her reaction seemed extreme and for lack of a better term almost pedestrian.   His sisters or mum would never behave that way, while her tears upset him her behaviour did not sit well with him. Even her explanation later in the night did not sound as convincing. He was in conflict, the Shehnaaz he adored and nurtured the past few weeks was not a liar or did not ever fake her emotions. She always displayed stunning sportsmanship so what suddenly shifted.  He decided to fall back to his usual approach of staying silent expressionless and study everyone, consciously he also had to remind himself that he was here for a game and that he could not afford to allow his presence in the house to be made murky by issues that had nothing to do with him. If there was a good friend to be had in Shehnaaz then they can always hang with each other after the game.

With this resolve in mind he woke up the next morning and as it had to happen most of the new comers gravitated towards the bed where Sidharth was lying down on, this included Himanshi, Shefali and bhau. He was surprised at how disappointed that as a result of all of them being on the bed he had missed out on the usual morning time that Shehnaaz and he usually had before the onslaught of the day.

Shehnaaz too thinking that she wanted to grab a few moments with Sidharth in the morning has hurriedly gone over to the kitchen to get some tea for both of them and when she went to the bed it was empty. She assumed he was in the restroom so waited for a few minutes and when she realised he was not coming back went looking for him only to find that he was with zariwala, himanshi, arti and bhau in the glass room  and from what she could gather it was Himanshi holding court and Sidharth intently listening to her. She could feel old prison walls rising around her! Suddenly she realised that since last night if she really introspected she would have to acknowledge the fact that Himanshi did not matter as much as the fact that himanshi's nature, looks and the wily charm of her always got her adulation and attention as she had demanded it.she was afraid of losing Sidharth to Himanshi.

She had only one past run in with Himanshi and that turned out to be a costly
Mistake. Back then it took away the thing that mattered most to her, her career. For Shehnaaz her singing and acting was never about fame. It was about her finding her release and the one thing she was created to do. From a childhood that reinforced she was not wanted, her career replaced every of that scar and released her from the grip of her past. Before Himanshi people enjoyed working with her, celebrated her and even sought her out. All of it she found healing. The fame that followed was only something she was always grateful for it was never an entitlement for her.

Sidharth was a source of healing and he was able to raise her up and let her breathe and grow and now she knew in her gut that Himanshi could turn it all around. Years of not sharing her grief had conditioned her and she now found it difficult to articulate to Sidharth exactly what she was going through. She chuckled to herself that this was also a good test to see how genuine the past few weeks were. If he really was genuine about how he made her feel he would not leave her in the lurch. If Himanshi was able to convince him with her innocent act then as painful as it seemed perhaps it was a good thing it had come to this.

While she shrunk away from him Paras started reaching out to her and consoling her while she knew it was not genuine she tried to find solace in it, ironically what she wanted from Sidharth genuinely she received from Paras but in a very fake and cringe worthy manner. She cut off from Sidharth, the act of not sleeping next to him was a painful reality check for both of them. For Shehnaaz sharing a bed with Sidharth was a very precious thing, it was her safe place in this aggressive house. If Sidharth was going to choose Himanshi over her it was best for her to distance herself from him. She had to protect herself. She came in as Punjab's laughing stock, she did not want to end up as india's laughing stock.

Sidharth woke up the next day feeling bereft. He had not slept well, he missed shehnaaz. He did not like all these new people crowding his judgement, he was not ready to feel this way. Ok someone he met her who he grew fond of had exhibited some suspicious reactions and then strangely acted as if the hurt party, all of that really did not warrant his internal conflict!he sighed deeply before rolling out of bed, he looked over to see if she was in the room, she was still asleep. He badly wanted to go to her and pull her blanket away and just drag her back to their bed 'their'? What is he becoming these days! He shook his head in anger and went out for a cigarette. He was sure that she would not hold a grudge against him for so long and would come Upto him soon.

As he finished his cigarette and walked out he saw her sitting on green garden couch with khesari and he found himself smiling in fondness and grimacing in irritation. This girl was really messing with him! Of course she made it a point to speak to the most unlikely contestant and try and make him feel at home but why did her eyes look like she had cried the whole night! What was her problem! He purposely looked the other way and walked all the way over to the L shaped blue couch at the other end and sat for tea with Asim. He really was not in a mood to speak to anyone but suddenly he heard Arti screaming and making a scene, ever since she became captain and survived the first padhaav Arti had started acting so weirdly. All this was getting too much for him, so he went in and decided to ignore everything.

When he went in and laid on his bed, himanshi and shefali called him over to their bed and called out to join him. All he wanted to do was sulk so he politely declined while trying to get some shut eye. After a little while he could smell the familiar floral and fresh fragrance of Shehnaaz. He inhaled deeply as it strangely comforted him, sort of like he had entered home. He opened his eyes only to find that she was walking towards the mirror next to the bed where himanshi and shefali were. He had not seen her properly since last evening, even though he tried to fight it, even though every logic dictated that it was best he shake shenaaz off he just was not able to, especially not after seeing her swollen eyes. Thinking he can have a good look at her without it making him seem like a desperate loser, he went over with extra and forced cheer and lay down next to her dressing table feeling so much better to be in the same vicinity as her. Maybe they would be able to take a chance at breaking the frost that had developed between them.

As soon as she saw him approaching her heart started beating she did her best to act nonchalant, she wished he would not come to speak to her with so many people around but atleast he was coming towards her. When she realised he was coming to talk to the group of people on the bed near the mirror, her heart broke a million pieces, she was just so tired and defeated. She did not want to show him or any of them that she was hurt so she continued with applying her make up.Angry at life that it made her vulnerable and weak once again.

His loud laughter, his smile and the familiarity he showed both Shefali and Himanshi hit her, hit her where it hurts. So was he like this with everyone, she could not control the hurt chuckle that came out of her, she quickly swallowed it, idiot, she cursed herself . Really classic idiotic behaviour assuming that she was special and that is why Sidharth Shukla considered her a friend. She squeezed here eyes shut and erase all the fun times they had spent at this very spot him teasing her over her make up! Was all that even real? When would she stop falling for these illusions! She finished her make up and left, ran in fact because tears were at bay and she was did not want to show her vulnerability to anybody.
Sidharth watched her leave, he was actually so taken aback and angry and disappointed. Not once did she look his way, was it really that easy for her to look through him. He had sat next to her so many times before, at that very spot and watch her do her wretched makeup up. He expected her to look at him and if not anything else atleast acknowledge him. At one point did he hear her chuckle? Was all of this a joke for her? Could she not see that he despite his every instinct and nature had physically come to her for the beginning of a truce? On the contrary she seems so impersonal and clinical that it shocked sidharth! Was this the Shehnaaz who had flirted around her like a sweet butterfly and had cracked through the tough wall he had built for himself and his emotions. Serves you right for being so easily manipulated! He cursed himself and that too on national television and that too on the biggest reality show of the country! Talk about losing focus! This was it he decided, he knew he could not bring himself to despise her but ignore her that he very well could . He really did not know what the problem was, but he decided that whatever it was he could not spoil
his game over it!

As painful as those episodes were to watch, I am glad that these two had to go through this churning within, it that much more strongly enmeshed them together I think. This was just my fictional take on it. Thanks for stopping by!