Left In The Dark

Chapter 9

Her mouth couldn't help but to fly open. I'd expect her to with what I just confessed. And it seemed as though for the first time, Dr. Union was at a loss for words. She covered her mouth with the most baffled expression. After the initial shock wore off, she spoke.

"Excuse me? Wh-, um, wait." She said trying to put her words together. "Who's face haven't you seen?" She asked.

"Shawn's." I plainly replied until the gravity of my own words struck me.

I pinched my eyes shut as I felt the uncontrollable urge to sob. "God I never even got the chance to see him." I cried, placing my face into the palms of my hands.

"Beyoncé, I'm gonna need you to back up and explain this to me. How long were you and Shawn together?

I sniffled. "We were together for about a year."

"And you mean to tell me you been with him for that long, yet never saw his face? She asked.

"Yes."

"Feel free to explain." She finished with a slight chuckle while walking back to her usual seat.

She grabbed her notepad in preparation.

"I was blind when I met him." I replied in short. There was no other way to say it but bluntly.

Today has been a truck load of surprises for her because she actually dropped her pen. Her face was scrunched up, bewilderment on her face.

"Wow, you were blind? Were you born blind?" She questioned.

I shook my head. "No I, I wasn't." My mood lowered the further we got into this session.

I really had enough and wanted to go home at that point. I glanced over at the clock on the wall. 24 minutes left. I needed this to be over already. Gabrielle looked at me with a knowing smirk.

"You have more than enough time to explain."

"Can we not do this today?" I asked rubbing my forehead.

"I know this is difficult for you to do, but I'll let you in on a little secret." She leaned in as if someone else was in the room listening in on us. "It doesn't get any easier the longer you wait."

"I know." I sighed.

"So just let it go Bey." She replied flaring her arms up high, big and wide. "You have to start letting go."

My lips trembled, more like my whole face. I was falling apart and she was forcing me to retell details that I tried so hard to forget. Why does she want me to remember? Why was she doing this to me? Foot shaking, I closed my eyes as the memory began to resurface trying to force it's way back where it belonged. As a distant past memory.

Let it out. Let it go. It's okay.

I could faintly hear her voice chanting. Coaching. More tears streamed my face.

"Oh god." I softly whispered in a choked-up tone. "I uh... um." It resisted leaving my lips.

The room fell quiet. The ticking from the clock could be heard and I counted them internally. Waiting for the last tick that will signify the end of this nightmare only made the time seem agonizingly longer. Time felt suspended in a cruel way. Like it wouldn't let up until I answered her questions.

"May I ask how you became blind?"

There was the question that opened up a cascade of images from that night.

"Bey please, you can trust me." She persisted with a reassuring smile. "Trust me."

I looked deeply into her eyes, though I wasn't an expert in lie detection like she was, there was nothing but genuineness in everything she said. Her eyes pleaded with mine, in hopes that I would confide in her.