Left In The Dark

Chapter 18

I felt a huge void in my heart. I swallowed up the rest of my words, suddenly not up to talking anymore. The tears that I expected to form were nowhere to be found. Could it be that I've became so depressed that I could no longer cry? I've reached a point where tears wouldn't suffice. They couldn't accurately capture my agony. They're pointless now. Numbness was all that was left in me. I dully looked over at Gabrielle who wore the same expression. She was really starting to piss me off. I gripped the arm of my chair and let out an exasperated sigh.

"We done?" I asked annoyed.

Gabrielle jotted something in her notes, looked up, and blinked. "No, we're not done."

I rolled my eyes and clenched my teeth. Feeling the anger flush through me, I took in some air through my nostrils. They flared upon me exhaling.

"See how frustrating that is?" She aimlessly asked.

"What?" My face was twisted up with confusion.

"You see how frustrating it is to try to engage with a person who is uninterested and closed off?" She revealed.

I looked away, preoccupying myself with her artwork. Stardust.

"What's up with you Beyoncé?" She asked with her face transforming into the one I recognized. There was actually some emotion in there. Her former obnoxious act immediately dissipated

"I could ask you the same thing Dr. Union." I sneered.

She slid her hand over her hair, smoothing over her already slick pony tail.

"I'm merely reflecting your attitude back to you." She remarked with her head cocked to the side.

"My attitude?" I asked pressing my index finger into my chest.

She nodded. "Yes, your attitude. Now Beyoncé I know this is difficult for you to have to retell and recall past memories and so far you have been doing a tremendous job at it." She stopped to compliment me. "But this is only half the battle and I need you present and fully committed. How do you expect to take away something from this experience when you're becoming more shut down?"

I shrugged my shoulders dryly. Her lips formed a hard line across her face. Her eyebrows were pressed together, forming a parallel line to her mouth.

"You see like this." She motioned to me. "The so called attitude that you're seeing from me is what I've been seeing in the past session. You just up and walked out of my office Wednesday without saying a word."

Looking over to her, I could see the remnants of her annoyance with my rude exit. It was my turn to rub my hand over my hair-combing through my tresses. "I'm sorry."

Gabrielle nodded. A closed mouth grin emerged on her face, showcasing her signature dimple.

"Apology accepted."

She allowed for dead air to consume us momentarily. We marinated. Then she spoke again.

"Now really Bey, how have you been feeling?" She questioned more empathetically.

I shook my head and muttered. "Nothing."

She frowned.

I looked at her knowing that she misunderstood what I meant. "I mean I feel nothing." My entire face trembled. "I feel empty."

Her mouth unfurled, getting what I was trying to say.

"You seem like you've retreated back to how you were when you first started seeing me." She jutted her chin forward, her eyes fixed by my torso.