Sillage

Chapter 4: Suspicion.

Author's Notes:

TW SWEARING/PREGNANCY/DEATH/NIGHTMARES/VIOLENCE

(I modified the timeline just a little bit. So now they have 2 months between Eren's trial and the 57th expedition, instead of 1. Hope that's alright with you ^^)

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To say you are scared, would be an understatement. No matter how many times you told yourself last night that this was just a normal job interview, you can't bring yourself to think about it as such. You don't know what got over you during the funeral, and now you curse yourself for it. Where did the courage to approach Erwin and Levi come from, and where did it disappear? You know you're overthinking right now, it's not like they're terrifying people. Okay, maybe Levi is. But Erwin was the proper gentleman, so then why are you getting cold feet now? You've thought about this long and hard, and you've realised it is the fear of not being accepted into the Scouting Regiment. Because you really want to do this. And if they don't allow you among their ranks, well, you'll have to find other methods, as you're not one to quit that easily when you actually wish for something. Your own desires have never really been a priority to you, and when they were...well, we all know how that ended. With Daria inside a titan's mouth. You quickly shake your head and faintly slap your cheeks, trying to chase those thoughts away.

You're standing in front of Erwin's office, the brown double door just as imposing as the owner of the chamber. You are glad a colleague from the medical ward borrowed you some clean clothes, as the military still hasn't let people back inside town this morning. They said you can all go back later today, and that is another thing you are terrified of. Seeing your old surgery and the place where this whole mess started...but that is another thing for another time. Right now, you need to concentrate. You fix your appearance once again, tucking your light blue shirt inside your black pants, and making sure your hair is back in its place and you don't look like the bizarre woman they saw last night anymore. There is nothing you can do about your face, though. Your black eyebags, so big and heavy they speak for themselves, if somebody asked what happened to you. You thought a cold shower would get rid of them, but you soon found out water only cannot do miracles. You managed to get about one hour of sleep, a dreamless one fortunately, but for the rest of the night you worked on your resume, while also checking on patients. Thanks to your anxiety and perfectionism, you rewrote it about seven times until you were satisfied. You wanted to catch another twenty minutes of slumber, but before you realised it, morning came. A quick cold shower, a change of clothes you'll have to give back later, and here you were.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. You wonder what Pyxis would say, if he saw you chickening out like this."I've never taken you for a coward, miss L/N." Probably something like that, you chuckle to yourself. You really need to thank that man for talking some sense into you the other night.

You quickly knock on the door, before unnecessary thoughts invade your mind once again, and as soon as you do, you hear a muffled permission to enter. Well then, there is no going back now. You put your hand on the door handle, and despite your earlier uneasiness, you do not hesitate and push the door open.

Commander Erwin's office is just as you'd imagine it, huge and immaculate. The room is tall and slightly dark, the only light from the outside coming through the enormous window behind the cherry wood desk, which is facing you from the other side of the room. There are several bookshelves lined up the walls, all fully stacked with books. You wonder if he read all of them. A mahogany carpet lies in the middle of the room, while next to the wall on your left you can see a dark blue sofa and a smaller table. You close the door behind you and stand straight, then you finally get to examine the people who are present. Commander Erwin is sitting at his desk, a pleasant smile resting on his face. On his right, leaning against the wall next to the window, you can make out Captain Levi's form, of course. Despite the fact that you're looking against the light, you cannot mistake those sharp dark eyes studying you from across the room. Then, there are two more people inside. Too many for a job interview, you think to yourself. On your left, seated on the sofa with her elbows resting on her knees and hands supporting her chin, you can see another Scout, a woman with glasses and a dark brown high ponytail. Her eyeglasses prevent you from seeing her eyes, as they reflect the light. On your right, leaning against one of the bookshelves, you recognize none other than Mike Zacharius, Humanity's Second Strongest Soldier. Tall and well-built, he stands out like a sore thumb against the feeble wood.