Sillage

Chapter 7: Weakness. Honey.

TW SELF-HARM/PTSD/MENTAL HEALTH

You should've taken a hat with you. Your head feels like it's on fire.

It is almost autumn. Why the fuck is it so hot?

You slowly stand up from your squatting position and straighten your back with a groan. Yesterday's floor cleaning sure took its toll on your body. Sitting on cold stone for a good portion of the night didn't help your case either.

Your uniform shirt is soaked and droplets of sweat are dripping down your forehead, gliding by your eyebrows and stinging your eyes. With the help of your elbow, you wipe your face as best as you can, but you know it's in vain. The smoldering heat of the sun is at its peak, no clouds in sight to shield you from it, just the vast blue sky. There is no refreshing breeze either.

This is why you hate plant picking so late in the day. Maybe late is not the best word, as it is probably just nearing afternoon. But compared to your usual 6 in the morning excursions down the fields to pick up ingredients for your remedies, you sure are tardy.

Well, that was then and this is now. It's not like you had any choice in the matter either way. The titans Hange kept, the ones which should've been used for experiments, had been killed last night. Everyone left the castle as soon as the sun had risen in order to see and investigate the murder scene.

Well, everyone except you.

And Petra.

The mighty Captain Levi decided it was too dangerous for you to be left alone, and so he instructed Petra to help you with whatever you need today, until the boys come back. You rolled your eyes at his paranoia. The Walls forbid you run away or do something to hurt the squad, if they leave you alone for a few hours. But you decided to let it slide for now.

You can't deny you had a pleasant conversation last night. Well, after the interrogation part. He gave you some good advice regarding your situation, and even though you still feel lost, at least you have a starting point now. A foundation, something you can think about when all things go to hell again.

"Blaming yourself is pointless when you have much important work to do, like you do now."

Focus on your job.

"There is no right or wrong choice, you did your best."

And do everything you can.

And that's exactly what you intend to do, no matter what happens.

No matter what...maybe you're thinking too big.

You subtly shake your head, trying to disperse your pessimistic thoughts. You already decided you're going to do this, and you're going to give it your best. There is no time for doubts now.

You quickly bend down and pick up your already full basket. Despite not being familiar to the the scenery around here and what kind of plants you would manage to find, you still picked up quite a few. Dandelion, gentian root, senega root, chamomile, lavender and valerian are just a few to name. Of course, they're not nearly enough to recreate all the medicine you brought with you from your surgery, but they will have to do for now. Finding this meadow behind the forest surrounding the Scouting Regiment HQ was hard enough already, you couldn't afford to be picky. You're just disappointed you couldn't find any yarrow yet, and you've been searching for hours already. If there is one thing you absolutely need in order to serve and do your job right in the Survey Corps, that one is yarrow. Also called the soldier's woundwort, this little white plant is the best at stopping bleeding and preventing infections. A functional antiseptic, styptic and hemostatic, you couldn't possibly go on the battlefield without yarrow powder.