Sillage

Chapter 22: Consequences.

TW ALCOHOL USAGE/MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/MENTIONS OF MURDER/SPICE

From the very first second water hit the ground, your thoughts drifted in his direction.

But no matter how much your heart clenched at the thought of him recoiling in front of the rainy weather, your deal of being just friends wouldn't allow you to just barge into his room and hug him close.

"There's a line we cannot cross," he said.

"I will watch my actions from now on," you agreed.

And so, there's no other choice for you but to stay put between the four walls of your bedroom, despite stinging worry slithering under your skin, heart painfully shifting in your chest at his suffering.

Under the thick blanket of the night, the entire world has gone to sleep. No other sounds traveling through the fine cracks of the window panels, the tranquil pitter-patter of light drizzle against the old wood almost makes you drowsy. Heavy head and sluggish body, you tiredly rub at your eyes in an attempt to chase away the fatigue. Long yawn making its way out of your mouth, you lazily adjust your position at the desk, grateful for the pleasant heat provided by the blazing embers in the hearth against your sweaty back. Nightmare jolting you up after four hours of shallow slumber, you couldn't have been more grateful for the fireplace in your new room, the smell of burning wood tingling at your nostrils, and providing a cozy atmosphere.

A slight gust of wind makes the metal hinges groan in protest, briefly halting the movements of your fingers against paper. Eyes nervously taking in your surroundings, only long shadows dancing to the glow of the weak fire in the oil lamp greet you. Swallowing hard and stealing another glance over your shoulder, you wrap the comforter tighter around your body, nightgown unable to keep the chill and dread at bay.

You've been staying in this room for a week now, and you still haven't gotten used to sleeping alone again, missing Levi's safe presence every second of the quiet and lonely night. Since Hughes' squad departed from the castle, Hange deemed it was safe enough for you to have your own sleeping chamber again, on the same corridor as the protective captain who provided you shelter until now. You know he's only three rooms away from yours, but the foreign ancient noises of this space at night and the general desolate atmosphere make it extremely hard for you to relax, despite the welcoming fireplace.

Or maybe you just got used to having someone around you all the time. You literally have no logical reason to be scared anymore, no harm bestowing upon you this past week, so perhaps all those creepy sensations are just caused by your longing for the man that stole your heart, searching for any reason to be around him. You two decided to take a step back, so you're not about to go look for him just because you are frightened and slightly paranoid.

But the memory from the harrowing night you were followed is still very much alive at the front of your mind whenever you come into this room, all senses on alert and blood freezing in your veins whenever you are alone like this in the earliest hours of the morning.

Fingertips tightening around the thin pencil, gaze briefly falling on the sharp scalpel next to you and making sure it's still near, your attention returns to the open notebook. The scratch of the writing instrument against blank paper almost echoes through the room, as your digits nimbly start working again.

The nightmare haunting you tonight was a new one, the sound of Anton Hughes' laugh still ringing in your ears as your useless self could do nothing but watch him slice open Simmonds' throat, bathing you in his slimy and hot blood. For some reason, you found the sensation oddly familiar.

Sore throat from unconsciously wailing, desperate mumbles continued to slip past your parched lips, reminding you several times that Simmonds was alright, according to the report Levi received from the Scout he had sent to check on him. Only then did your heartbeat decide to slow down its wrenching drumming. Shaky legs, and ragged breath, you decided you didn't want to go to sleep again tonight, opting instead to wisely use those hours to your advantage by putting everything you learned these past few weeks down. Plot thickening with each passing day, you needed to put an order in your thoughts and see if you missed anything important. Maybe you'd be able to find a way out of this mess, although you highly doubt that could happen anymore, mind wandering to the conversation you had with Hange and Levi no more than a few days prior to this moment.