Sillage

Chapter 19: Pretense.

NO REGRETS MANGA/ANIME SPOILERS
TW SWEARING/SMUTTY THOUGHTS/TRAUMA/MENTAL HEALTH/ALCOHOL USAGE

Icy rain trickled down the nape of his neck, creeping through his soaked shirt then crawling down his spine. Cold already settled into the marrow of his bones, the shudder that would've normally possessed his body didn't make an appearance. Damp raven locks sticking to his sweaty forehead, Levi didn't even register the noises of the raging storm around him, his drenched form too engrossed in his movements.

Left.

Right.

Faster.

Cut.

Then run.

Front.

Run faster.

Back.

Then cut down again.

Fleeting bolts of lightning illuminating his path on the training grounds, the rumble of the thunder almost made the ground under his feet shake in fear at the violence of the weather. Quick blood flow pulsing along his veins, the sorrowful howling of the wind rang all around him, rendering one of his senses useless, almost as if he was encompassed in a giant box of both silence and noise.

For what he was doing, he didn't need hearing anyway, the unrelenting movements of his limbs the only constant and trustful aspect of his life. He became like this since his earlier days, after all. After Kenny had taken him in, at some point, there was a moment in time when he felt as if power awakened inside of him. From that moment on, he knew that as long as his body could still move with its usual agility and prowess, he wouldn't need anything else. His instinct would always guide him to survival, no matter what disadvantages he might find himself in.

Another harrowing roar shifted the air around him, reverberating through the world, the endless tears streaming down from the skies covering every inch of his light-clothed body.

But Levi didn't concern himself with such things.

ODM gear strapped on, dull blades in his trembling hands, the forceful heaving of his chest sent a painful jerk through his skull, all the way to his ribcage and spleen. And yet his body didn't stop.

Cutting down one dummy after another, he knew training and fighting these things was useless when it came to fighting titans, but that's not what interested him. He was already skilled enough slaughtering those monsters. What interested him was his speed.

That day, he tried his best to make it in time after his horse had lost its footing in the fresh mud. To make it in time to save Furlan from the titan that eventually swallowed him whole. But he didn't. It may have been because of the slippery earth. It may have been due to fear for his friends' lives rooting him to the ground and slowing him down. Whatever the case, it didn't matter anymore.

Levi was conceited.

He was prideful.

And he didn't reach them.

That was all that mattered.

If he was faster to save them, maybe both of them would've been alive. Maybe at least one of them. But his legs were too slow and his body's movements too heavy.

Cut right.

Run.

Faster.

Turn back, then cut again.

Run.

Cut left.