Temporary Love

Part 16: Hold Onto Me

Helen came back to the dorm car later than she should have. Coming through the door, she looks absolutely drained of energy and color even.

Setting my book down and adjusting my position on the bed- I watch her struggle to remove her flats from her swollen feet.

"What are you looking at?" She growls slightly. Shaking my head, I look back at my book and flip the page. "That's what I thought...you only say what you want when you think you're clever."

I keep quiet and pick up my book. I start reading it and she becomes more angry.

"So do I finally get to have a chance to speak? Or are you and everyone else in that damn building going to interrupt and cut me off?" She is pissed.

Really pissed.

I wonder what lies wonder boy fed her tonight?

When I don't say anything- this seems to piss her off even more.

"You're an arsehole." I sit and stare at my book, but I don't read. "You posed as a nice guy when we first met and you made me feel special—wanted..."

"Helen, I..."

"SHUT UP!" She yells loudly at me. I close my mouth and watch her pace slowly from the kitchen to in front of her bed. "I was so stupid- you were right about that. I was stupid enough to fall in love with you so quickly."

My heart twinges and I notice the tears in her eyes ready to stain her cheeks.

But I remain quiet for her.

"I...I loved you! I needed you and you were more concerned about your stupid FUCKING scores!!!?? I never should have agreed to go out with you! I never should have convinced myself to crawl in bed with you!! What a huge fucking mistake that was!!!" When it leaves her mouth I look up at her and then at her stomach.

She....

She just said it was a mistake.

That means she thinks the babies are mistakes as well.

He face pales even more.

"That's...that's not..." She becomes upset and she rubs her hands over her belly. "I didn't mean...I didn't..."

I close my book and tuck it down in my backpack and I feel my own tears forming.

Getting up out of bed, I stand and look down at her.

She thinks they're mistakes.

I'm a huge mistake.

She's saying she wishes she never met me- which in turn means she wishes never got pregnant with the twins.

"Max...I...I didn't mean it..." She goes to touch me and I pull away.

"Sure sounds like you did." That's all I can muster before I walk passed her and leave the dorm room. Slamming the door behind me, I walking to the elevator and just as I get in I see her stepping into the hall.

"MAX!" Her voice cracks and the echo of it fills the hallway with pain and sorrow.

I exit the building and walk the streets well passed midnight and far into the morning.

I walk all night around the same four blocks of campus and internally beat the shit out of myself.

I'm a mistake.

She thinks the babies are a mistake.

As the sun rises through the cityscape, I head back towards the dorms so I can change and get ready to go to take the Boards.