DreamSMP and MCYT Oneshots

my mind is my enemy

Tommy's POV
I pondered for a moment, should I even send this directly to his phone number, maybe I should just send this through Discord, but, I'm just gonna press send, Wilburs probably asleep anways it's 2 am,
If anything he sees this when he wakes up, and I'll be gone by then.
I press send

Tommyinnit: Hey Wil, this is probably fucked of me to put this on you only, but sorry I guess, tell everyone I love them, and just bye :)

That's fine I think, maybe I should atleast leave a note, do I even want to do this, I just, all these thoughts, I, this will be good for me.

I set my phone to do not disturb and put it in my pocket.

Anyways, I have this rope tied, now I just need to tie the other bit to my light, I hope this holds.

I think this is good enough, it'll hold long enough to kill me atleast, well hopefully.

Maybe it would be easier if I just got a knife or something, and just lung it in to my chest.

But I already have the rope, so, her it goes.
I tie the other end to the light, I then pull on the rope to test the strength of the light.
I don't think it's gonna hold long enough.
I just have to hope.

I get on my chair, oh god, I try to keep my balance, I put the rope around my neck, this is high enough right.

I try to touch the floor from where I'm standing on the floor, I might need to shorten thr rope, I take a foot off from where I'm standing on the chair, I try to step down a bit,
but I slip,

The chair rolls from under me,
I let out a yelp,
and then I feel my toes brush the floor for a second,
I hear the roof creak, and I feel the rope burning my neck, I feel happy for a second, the exitment rushing through my veins, but the u find myself struggling to breathe, I don't mind it at first, I'm finally leaving this world,
I had such a happy life, I was so lucky, but I guess I'm just to selfish to see that, it's just never enough.
I try to take a deep breath, it hurts my neck, I can't breathe, I panic, for a second, I feel regret washed over me, but that regret turns into relief, and then finally fear, I close my eyes, scared.
I go unconscious, but even then, I can hear my surroundings, and I hear a loud crash and then pain.
I slowly lose all consciousness, the last thing I hear, footsteps.

And then I woke up, it was darkness, and then light, I was in a bright room, at the hospital, alone in this bright room, nothing really hurts, everythings just poundinga bit, and well by neck burns, and there's some sort of stuff on it. I stare at the ceiling, then around me, there's some water, and, oh my phone, I guess I had that on me when I, ya know, I stared at my phone for a bit, there were so many notifications.
Everything around me was just fuzzy, why am I even here, well I know why I'm here, it's just, I, I don't know what I'm feeling right now, I guess I'm alive.

I think about the message I sent to Wilbur, I decide to check all the notifications,
I open Wilburs messages first, there's alot of spam calls, from his phone numbera and Discord. There's alot more dms from alot of different people, and alot of pings from the DreamSMP Discord, I guess Wilbur told them all, they all probably think I'm dead right now, oh yeah, I see the screenshot Will sent and a bunch of panicked messages, I then saw a single message from Tubbo, it was only from a bit over an hour ago.

Tubbo: please Tommy, I believe you can survive, I'm sorry I still couldn't help.

There was a memory, right,, Tubbos gone through this before already, almost 3 years ago, my last attempt, I spiraled, I tried to kill myself, I had seriously hurt myself and I had to get stitches and stuff, but that time he was the one I messaged, I had sent a long message full of nonsense.
And there was another time before that, it wasn't that bad, but it was my first attempt, I was just mentally unstable, and I guess I still am, My brain is just fucked.
I have a fucked up brain that tells me to kill myself, that makes me feel like dying is the only way to satisfy myself.
I thought I had gotten better these past 2 years, and I had, I did, 8 knew I did, I felt happy, I thought I could finally be happy without this stupid mental illness, but then it just all came spiraling back down.
And I've been getting professional through all of this, I really thought it was all better.

I looked back at Tubbo's message, I decided I would message him back, hes been with me this whole time, he deserves to know I'm alive right now.

Tommyinnit: In the hospital, I'm okay, not really hurt, sorry, I shouldn't have let myself get back to this mental headspace, I didn't think I would be back here.

I imagine got a reply.

Tubbo: your okay Tommy, it's not your fault that you back here, I'm just glad your alive, you tried as much as you could to stay in a good headspace

Tubbo: as soon as your out ill come and see you, and then you can tell about everything, and I'll help you be okay again.

I smiled at the messages.
I'll respond to the others later, and apologize to Wilbur, but for now, I'm just gonna rest, I survived, and thats all that matters.

Just needed to write some angst, since I've not been in the best place mentally, and I've been having so many horrible thoughts. But yeah, this helped to just get some emotions out, hope your all doing good, gonna go to bed now, but I wish everyone a good end of this year!