Adiza - The Heart Is A Mess (slow UPDATES, EDITING.)

Pick Apart, Pieces Of The Heart

ADITI

A week has passed since that incident with Zain and the empty feeling in her has still not reduced or gone yet.
The routine she follows is pretty much the same for how her days went by.
She wakes up early in the morning and the first thought she has every morning is same.
The toughy of Mr Zain Imam and how different things would have. Even is she hadn't uttered this words to him or at least of she could have followed or stopped him when he left that night.

She could still smell him on her bed and feel him around the house. Sometimes when she was in the kitchen late at night doing something like cooking or cleaning and dishes, she half expects to turn and see him standing behind or beside her, doing something like helping her out or chatting up with her about how the day went, just like how she has been accustomed to doing with him everyday during those last few months that passed.

In the last few days it was like they lived together under the same roof, due to them spending almost every waking hour together. They are either at the set together or at his or her apartment. They are almost always together though it's not planned and they've tried not make it very obvious to people around them but it's just like it just happens like instinct, they always find each other.
Everyday after pack up they don't even have to decide where to go you just moved together through.

When Abhilash was in town, they mostly go to her apartment but when he's not there go to his. So these last few days in which she is alone without him being constantly by her side, just felt strange to her. Strange in the sense that she feels incomplete.

Whenever she is alone in her room at night or at said she thinks of going to Zain to have a talk with him. With plans of convincing him to go back to what they were doing, because she knows and believes in her heart that if she wants to talk with, him he will definitely listen. He might even agree to go back to their casual fun relationship type thing or whatever but then she remembers the look on his face when he told her he couldn't do it anymore.

He had this frozen look on his face and a determined look and has eyes. There was also pain. She had hurt him and he had meant every word he had said to her.
He can't continue whatever they have been doing any more. He can't and he won't and she can't make him do it. He had made up his mind that he has had enough.
She cries herself to sleep every day with thoughts of what quality and what could have been if things went a little differently.

She missed him and there is no other way around it. She wants him. In fact she needs him in her life.
As what, she still doesn't know and she knows that makes her sound selfish but she doesn't care. She just want him and for once she wants to be be selfish. Very selfish.
Zain makes her happy and that is all she cares about. she doesn't want to think about feelings to complicate things. She wishes to just continue like that without the complications of feelings and relationships. They were happy with what they were doing and that should be all that matters.
But she knows, unless she is clear with what she wants they are never going to go back to normal and she hopes to get Clear soon because people are starting to ask her if she is ok or not. She doesn't know how long she could keep on saying she's fine and pretending to be happy in front of people when she clearly isn't and The most Selfish part of her also wishes that Zain is not also fine.

...

Zain

If ask at any given moment as to why he decided to end his arrangement or whatever with Aditi at the moment when she told him to make love with her Zain will not be able to give an answer because he himself doesn't really know.
He just knew that some alarm bells rang in his mind and he was somehow deeply scared, panicked and disappointed.
But as he closed the door to her apartment he felt a strange list sense of relief and satisfaction. It's like he is finally taking charge of his life and not letting it run his decisions by playing with his feelings.
He loves aditi and it's not something he is scared of or ashamed of to keep it in a secret.
Whatever they had been doing he thought was just for some time, with time, and after becoming more comfortable with him and the idea of being with him. After knowing him better and after having a deeper understanding of him and his real feelings for her, Aditi will acknowledge their relationship to everyone because to him that's what they were to him. A couple, in a relationship.

Sometimes when he sits alone at the set or at his apartment, he feels regret about ending things the way he did because he misses her. But that feeling only last for some few minutes before it changes to annoyance.
He loves Aditi alot and he is Cent percent sure that she also has some strong feelings for him, then why is she so stubborn and scared to admit it?
They could have been together right at that moment, and be very happy, he had absolutely no doubt about it, then why does she want to play with their emotions? He doesn't understand.
Everyday on sets, he sees her and everyday his annoyance at her increases because he could clearly see that she is not happy. She pretends to be happy and the people around them believe her but she can't really pretend in front of him.
She is hurting the two of them and he hopes she realizes it soon.

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