Adiza - The Heart Is A Mess (slow UPDATES, EDITING.)

1 - Feelings

Strange things happen.
Strange and surprising things, not to say that those strange and surprising things can't be a good thing.
They can be good, but still strange.
He loves me, at least that's what he said and for as long i have known Zain , he is not a person to lie, so it must be true. At least it's what he thinks is the truth.

Him loving me is not something that i have ever thought of or expected, not to say that i am not glad for it, but i am also anxious and scared.

I would not like to be in a relationship where i am not sure of what the other person wants in it.

I want a relationship that is meaningful and in which we both are on the same page with each other.

I want both of us to be extremely sure of our feelings before starting anything so that in case something happens in the future or the relationship doesnt work out, we would still be friends and we don't regret it.

I care about zain, deeply . I love him as a dear friend and i can easily love him as a man. He is very easy to love and i would not want to lose his friendship over some attraction or a failed relationship.
He means so much to me to just let that happen.

I can still remember the first time we met. It was on set when all the cast was gathered for a meeting about the show.
I remember being scared and very nervous when I was given a briefing, I was told about the cast and the guy opposite to me, but did not pay attention to that because I was more concerned about my role since it was my first show as a lead, I wanted everything to be good.

When Bhatt sir introduced us to each other, i remember looking at him, sitting next to me and we both looked and smiled at each other, after saying a 'hi and then i just went back to my phone.

As it is normal to make an impression about a person when you first meet then, i felt him really decent, friendly and fun loving because he had already started making friends with everyone.

I am a shy person by nature, so mostly,i don't talk much and usually keep to myself so it takes me a lot of time to usually open up to people and be on a friendly terms with them, thats what happened with all the people on the set and same happed with Zain too.

Our friendship happen much later, after a lot of dramas and misconceptions and things between the two of us.

I remember when i use to feel really angry at Zain because he is on a friendly terms with everyone on set except me.
I called him arrogant in my head so many times because i felt that maybe he thought i was not fit to be friends with him. Not cool enough.

The day we really became friend is still fresh on my mind, it was some days after my breakup and as it was normal for anyone after a break up, i was feeling low and was in a very bad mood.

I remember sitting quietly in a corner in between shoots doing not really anything. Zain just came and sat beside me with two cups of coffee.
He offered one to me and i was a little hesitant to accept it, but after a little bit of convincing, i accepted it.

A little time into sipping our coffees quietly, Zain asked me something, it was about the scene we just finished shooting and i answered him.

When that one question turned into ten and then into a whole conversation, we both can't say but something changed that day. Something i am so happy about and won't change it for anything.

"Think about it" he said to me just before leaving the sets today and i know i want to have something with him but i am still scared.
I just hope i being scared of starting a new relationship won't affect the wonderful friendship we have going for us.

I care about Zain a lot, but i care about myself a little bit more. I am selfish like that.

I am not sure if i would be able to give Zain what he deserves and He deserves the best.

He should have A person that can give him a lot of love and stability and I am just not sure if i am that person.
Even if i am, i am very sure it is not the present me. I am just not ready now. I do know that I will be in the future, but when in the future is the question. It might be a day, a week, a month or a year, I don't know but definitely not  now.

.....

Hello everyone, long time.
EID Mubarak to all who celebrate it.
I have been absent because i have been feeling very lazy during Ramadan, i would try to be more frequent with my updates.

In this update, not much happened, i just wanted to have a base of what i can build up on, i promise in the next one, there will be more insight to what i plan to do with the story.
I am loving the idea of the plot if the story and i hope the you will enjoy it too.
I have a new story idea in my head and maybe, maybe i might just write it for you guys but nothing is settled or decided for now.
Please vote and comment, it will keep me motivated.
Don't read and go.

NOTE: IF YOU WANT AN UPDATE, YOU WILL HAVE TO PRESSURIZE ME BECAUSE I AM VERY LAZY. I WONT UPLOAD UNTIL I AM SURE PEOPLE WILL READ IT.
THANK YOU