Adiza - The Heart Is A Mess (slow UPDATES, EDITING.)

15 - Love Ain't Safe - B

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***

It hurts. Everything hurts.

It feels like death.

It hurts so freaking much that she couldn't do anything to stop the tears falling freely from her eyes.

The tears just kept on falling and refused to stop.

Choking sounds coming from her and her breathing have become so shallow and short. She was literarily panting in other to breathe. It hurts so freaking much that all she can do is to hold herself and cry. The pain is becoming unbearable.

Eventually, she become quiet. It was only silent tears and a big holey feeling in heart.

She lies back in her bed and caught the lingering scent oh him reminding her of him being there with her just some few moments ago and that was more than enough to renew her sobs.

After a few minutes of crying in her bed, the sobs stopped once again but the tears continued rolling.

With the storm raging outside, in silence she lay. There were no sounds coming from her, only the occasional hiccups but as silent as she was on the outside, a silent storm was raging inside.

A storm of thoughts, of insecurities, of reflections. She started searching aimlessly, within herself, for flaws and inadequacies.

In silence she continued to cry. She cried her heart out.

In silence she grieved, for something she didn't even allow herself to experience.

In silence she thought to herself, how did we get here? How did I get here?

These thoughts haunt her as she cried herself to sleep.

***MOMENTS AGO***

Hot and heavy they were going at it. Making out like a bunch of teenagers. They were kissing each other very aggressively.

Aditi was angry, very angry and it was showing in the way she was kissing Zain aggressively. If Zain noticed, he didn't say anything, he was just enjoying whatever she was doing to him. He is liking it very much.

Few moments in to it, Aditi broke the kiss and started to kiss his neck instead, she scratched her nose against his stubble as she planted a light kiss on his jaw. With her hands on his chest, she continued to kiss her way up his face to his cheek and then she moved to his ear. Nibbling his ear, she continued to tease him as her fingers started to rub him on his chest.

Zain sighed, he really was enjoying everything Aditi was doing to him. She was creating havoc on his senses. She is definitely going to make him lose the little control he still has over himself.

With a little push, she made him fall on her bed and she followed, never stopping what she was doing.

Though he was confused, he still didn't want her to stop.

'What is wrong with her today?' he wondered.

Pulling her closer to him, he hugged her closer to himself while breathing in her scent.

She smiled against his neck,

"Zain?"

She called out.

"Hmm" came his response. His brain was asleep due to all the pleasure he had been getting from Aditi.

She kissed him on his cheek again, right next to his right ear and whispered

"I want to make love with you."

****

His mind froze, he couldn't really understand if he had really heard her.

"What?"

He asked and his voice showed his confusion.

"I want to make love with you. I want you to have me"

'Okay' he thought, 'I have definitely heard her the first time'.

Feeling him go quite and still on her (under actually), She lifted her face from where it was, the crook of his neck, and attempted to look him in the eye.

"What's the wrong Zain?" she asked.
"Nothing," he mumbled, avoiding her gaze.

"You're lying, tell me what the matter is" she said to him.

He kept quiet, not knowing really what to say to her.

"Zain" she's pleading with him, "what is it?"

It was like something came over him because the next moment, he was knocking her off of him as he violently sits up as quickly as he could, he climbed out of her bed.

"Zain!" she called out, confused and scared with what is happening so suddenly. He could hear her voice crack at the end, which told him that she was going to start crying anytime soon but he ignored it and finally looked at her.

He really wasn't angry. He is confused, and sad, and frustrated and tired. He was exhausted, exhausted with all that has been happening between the two of them for the last few months.

He sighed and pulled his hands up, running his fingers through his
hair.

He looked at her piercingly for a few moments before he sighed again, he doesn't know what to say to her.

Actually, he does, but he just couldn't find the right way to word it to her. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath,

"I can't do this anymore," he finally says.

"What?" her voice came out as more of a whisper.

"I said I can't do this anymore"

"W-what do you mean? You can't do what anymore?"

"This, this," he said, using his finger to point the space between the two of them, "this thing" he spits at the only word that could possibly describe their situation. "Whatever it is we have been doing these past few months. I can't do it anymore, Aditi. I can't keep doing this to myself"
She doesn't speak and he isn't even sure if he wants her to say something.

She looked at her with a wounded expression on her face. She knows
what he's talking about and he just could not stand there looking at her anymore. He couldn't face her any longer. He knows, if he stayed there for another moment, he might just break his resolve and he just couldn't afford that at that moment.

Without thinking anything more, he turned on his heel and walked out of her room and her apartment.

As the door closed behind him, he heard what he knows without a doubt was the sound of her crying but he can't just go back, so he kept on walking even though with every step he took, his heart broke a little bit more.

** **

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