The Winged Rebellion

Chapter 27: My Last Hope

Andromeda

The letter. Cae's letter.

The only thoughts that fill my head after I wake up at the back-up compound. Apparently I knocked everyone unconscious, and then collapsed from over-exertion of my power. They managed to take all the White Wings that were there into custody, except for Sebastian and his team, whom General Claude came back for. He also took Caelum's body. I write his name on a list next to Sebastians, and look at it. The two people responsible for this. The destruction of my family.

I take deep breaths and open the letter, it reads:

Andy,
If you're reading this, well the mission went horribly wrong, and I'm gone. Before all this, I had two secrets that I kept from you.

The first: Andy, my Andy, I loved you. I loved you so much that I couldn't breathe when you smiled at me. When you stood near me, the room brightened. I know you love quotes so much, so in the words on Lemony Snicket: "I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch everything go wrong." Andy- I wanted so badly to tell you, but I was afraid. You had so many things ripped away from you, that I was content being the one constant. Because you were happy, even if I was in constant pain. But you were oblivious. Maybe you did know and just didn't feel the same way about me. I guess I will never know. But you will.

My second secret is a complicated one. One that I am ashamed of. I sold valuable Icarus Guard secrets - locations, patrol sectors, member info - to General Claude Duponte, in exchange that none of his soldiers would hurt you badly. You were supposed to be safe, so I never had to lose you. Until it all went wrong. That day you almost drowned and the compound was attacked? Nothing was supposed to happen to you. If it hadn't been for Christina... They had told me ahead of time, to get myself and you out of the way. But Sebastian insisted on coming with us, and when they came to get him they hurt you. After that day when you were in the hospital, I went to General Claude's office and told him I was done, that if he couldn't uphold his end of the deal I wouldn't uphold mine. He got mad. That whole fight that we're going into? The war we probably won't win? It's my fault. For wanting to keep you alive, I inadvertently condemned us all. Am I selfish Andy? I know I must be. Not just or wanting you to know after I was gone but never having the bravery to tell you when I was alive, but also for my betrayal. I'm sorry Andy. Don't be angry or vengeful. Please. Anger and Vengeance is a poison, one that eats at you. You might think that if you give that poison away, it'll be better, hurt less, but it wont. Let it go. I love you Andy, but that doesnt mean I want to see you anytime soon. Live a good life, the one I gave away.

I leave you with but one last note, from Hamilton in a letter to Eliza: "You engross my thoughts too entirely to allow me to think of anything else - you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream - and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness."

After all, the villains of the story never truly get happy endings, and I am the villain of your story.
Yours Always,
Caelum

What. The. Fuck.

My mind is racing, a hundred miles a second. Cae sold Icarus Guard secrets? He was working for General Claude? The one who got him killed? He did it all to protect me? And the worst secret of all: he loved me.

Love loved me. The way Julian loves Emma, the way Percy loves Annabeth, the way Magnus loves Alec, the way Kaz loves Inej, the way Maia loves Rhys, the way Alex loves Henry, the way I could've loved Sebastian...

No. This letter must be fake, he couldn't have loved me, right? How could he have loved me? He never said anything, never gave any hints. But then again, he was good at keeping secrets, good at giving them away too.

I'm bitter, bitter that Cae kept this from me, bitter that he loved me, bitter that I had to give him up, bitter that all of this happened, and worst of all; bitter because I could've loved Sebastian. Bitter because we fucked up and Cae died, bitter because General Claude took his stupid body so we can't even bury him, bitter because nothing is going right for me, bitter because our plan was still considered a success even though it was a massacre, bitter because nothings changed, bitter because I can be.

Oh, fuck the world.

I decided to not move for the rest of the day, lying in bed, avoiding everything, and staring at the letter, wishing I could forget the words. Christina drops by with food, and a journal she said Diana had found that belonged to Caelum.

The journal sits unopened, the words a frightening thought. Who knows what kind of love he might profess there? It turns out I didn't know my best friend as well as I thought I did.

When the daunting task of sitting and staring at the journal next to the letter becomes too much, I grab the two and take a walk. I head up to the roof - empty by this time of day - and sit and think about Caelum. Taking a deep breath, I open the journal. So these are the notes he mentioned when he said 'one last note'.

'Sometimes I wonder if Meda will ever notice me.'

The first note saddens me, written only 4 months after we first met. I did notice you Cae, just not in the way you wanted me to.

'How is it possible for someone to look as good as I do in the mirror? Damn, Meda and I would make literal gods of children.'

I just shake my head at that one, laughing about how even in his thoughts he's still narcissistic as fuck.

'When James, Lylah said: "Our story was made out of broken bones, built on a splintered spine; the pages stained with blood and words cursed with devastation.... And perhaps if we had met in another lifetime, our story would have been different. Less grief and more tenderness. Perhaps in another lifetime." I felt that in my soul.'

Stop being a Tik Tok e-boy Cae and start telling people what you feel about them. I flip the pages, thoughts and notes blending, reading each in his voice, laughing about the ridiculous ones and crying over the sad ones, until I reach the last entry. The day of the ball.

'If to love is to destroy then I am utterly in shambles. Maybe one day, Meda can pick up my pieces, and make a broken man whole. Or perhaps she will push the pieces over a bridge.'

The way he refers to me as Meda throughout his journal is cutting, like seeing something private. Cae never called me that unless we were alone, hurt, or he was apologizing for something he did wrong. I almost never apologized to him. So I do now, whispering over and over under my breath apologies for everything I've ever done to him. From stealing the last bowl of cereal, to never noticing he loved me, to not being able to save him; I apologize for it all.

Yeah this mightve made me cry... but its ok. I LOVE YOU CAELUM. Or do I?
So Sebastian eh?
Ngl I really want to pull a plot twist and make Andy end up with Christina, they would be such a cute lesbean couple.
Love, -Alexandra Waterwings