When you know

16. Downhill

Ariana hadn't seen Aidan for a couple of days. After, the argument, if it could be called that, she felt like Aidan was avoiding her. She had called him to apologise and he hadn't said anything in return. It felt unusual that she hadn't seen him, for three days to be exact, and as much as she hated to admit it, she missed him. She missed his presence, his grey eyes, his face, his smiles, his steamy kisses and just every damn thing about him! Her guilt increased and she felt desperate to see him. But she would not show her depseration.

Nonetheless, the three days on her own gave her some thinking time. She needed to get her priorities straight and never forget ever again. She needed to find a balance between her life with Aidan and her secret identity. 

After much debating with herself, she had risked to call Aisha out of their normal arrangements. Fate had been not been kind and afters years, she heard Uncle Kamal's harsh and corse voice on the other end of the line. He hadn't seemed at all suspicious or indicated recognizing Ariana.  But then again, she did fake a french accent. All she wanted to know was whether Aisha was ok and vice versa. She kept it short and sweet. Everything was going to be ok.

Later that evening, Ariana sat doing some lesson plans and watching th latest episode of Suits, she received a text informing her that he was coming round later. Ariana sighed in relief and thanked God. She quickly decided to cook a tuna pasta bake dinner and made herself look extra presentable. She set the table neatly and waited for him to come home. She felt both nervous and glad. Their last encounter hadn't ended well and she was keen to make up for it. Should she acknowledge it or act normal. By sitting on the table or going tp the door to greet him may look too serious. So, she sat on the sofa and contiued her lesson plans acting normal. Maybe, they'd sit and watch Scandal together. Aidan wasn't much of a TV person, as he had said it, but she managed to get him hooked onto the political drama Scandal and they both loved watching the show together. They were currently on the episode where Olivia was held in captive. As she prepared the episode, she heard the front door open.

'Hey, I got the next episode of Scandal ready and the pasta bake is almost done.' She said from the sofa. He came into the living room, and something in his solemn face told her that there was something wrong. 

'Hey,' She said. He barely replied. 'Are you ok?'

 'I have to tell you something.' His eyes were serious and he looked hesitant. He played with the wedding ring in his finger. 

'Ok, what is it?' He just looked at her, a crushed desperate look.  

'I can't do this anymore.' Aiden wne towards the bedroom and she quickly followed behind him. 

'What? Can't do what anymore?' What was wrong with him?

'Be with you.'

'Really?' Ariana asked dumbfounded. Was he joking? Trying to scare her?  'I don't understand what you mean.'

'I think you do.'

'No, I don't.'

'Ok, in plain words, i'm leaving you.' Ariana stood frozen in her place. Her heart hurt and her eyes stung. He wasn't even looking at her, but was more engrossed in chucking whatever belonged to him into the sports bag.

'You're not being serious, right?' 

'I am. I am being very serious.'

'We are married, you can't just...leave.' I said. This could not be happening. But he continued packing his bags as if her words hadn't been said; as if she was invisible. 'Stop Aiden. Just stop! Tell me properly.' She shouted. Finally he stopped and turned around.

'I am leaving you.' He said it slowly, enunciating every word. But her mind couldn't function it. She couldn't accept it. How could she when she craved his touch, when she felt intoxicated by his smell, when she loved him so much!

'Look, if its about last week. I am sorry. I really am. I shouldn't-'

'It's not that.' 

'Aidan, this is a marriage. Its not dating or cohabitation where you can suddenly just pack your bag and leave.' Ariana said, nonchalantly, folding her arms. 

'Its a marriage to you. Not to me, it never was nor in the eyes of the law.' 

'Wow.' She said amazed by his coldness. His words felt like poison and it stung.

'I'm sorry, Ariana . I didn't mean to...I can't do this. It was good while it lasted and...'

'And what?' She wasn't going to cry and neither was she going to force him into staying with her. 'Why?'

'We've been together for months and I still know nothing about you.'

'Of course you do.'

'Not the important things, like your past which you try so adamant to hide so much. What are you hiding from me? Why can't you tell me? Why don't you trust me?' He asked with a mixture of anger and hurt, gesturing it with his hands. 

'You can't say that. I trusted you more than anyone else in a very long time. But do you know what? I hardly know anything about you as well.'

'What? You know so much more. I let you see my family first hand, meet them. Know about Alicia and-.' 

'Then why don't you tell me about the scars all over your body? Why don't you let me visit you at work? Hell, why is it all the way on the other side of the country?'

'You've been checking up on me?' A look of disbelief passed his face.

'Of course. You know I find it hard to let people close to me.'

'Why? Why is that?'  

She stayed silent. She couldn't tell him. Not yet. What would he think of her when she did? He was going to leave anyway, but probably turn her in first. He was right, she trusted a part of him but not fully. 

'See. You still can't tell me. You still don't fucking trust me! ' He shouted in frustration and then in a more softer tone, he asked her. 'What is a relationship without trust?'

Silence encompassed them as they regarded each other. A part of her wanted to beg him to stay and not give up on her. She'd tell him. She'd tell him everything he wanted but another part told her not to. If he truly loved her, he'd wait for her but he couldn't as he'd already waited. He was a man who got want he wanted but hadn't from her. 

She looked down at her engagement ring. She was going to let him go. Somewhere, deep inside, she knew this was going to happen. Her predictions were right. He would get bored of her and then leave her for some reason or another. Ariana breathed in deeply and let it out and with that exhale, she let him go also. She would accept it, even though it felt like she had been shot through the heart. She wouldn't let Aidan see her weak or vulnerable. She'd shrug it off. She had prepared for this day, but it had just come so much sooner than she expected. 

In silence, she let him get on with the packing and she returned to the living room. She sat on the sofa. She felt numbed by the searing pain of losing another person she loved. Like a machine, she pressed play on the remote for the TV to fill the deadly silence and continued with her lesson plans. She wasn't watching but just confused and appalled by how fast things had fallen and gone downhill.

She ignored him, like he wasn't there. It'll take longer to erase him from her mind. She had hope that maybe he'd change his mind but the noise of the keys being put on the counter and the banging on the door shook her and told her that the answer was a resounding no. 

It was over. He was gone. He had left her. 

DUH DUH DUH! IS THIS THE END OF ARIANA AND AIDAN? SHOULD ARIANA LET HIM IN OR LET HIM GO? VOTE AND COMMENT TO LET ME KNOW!