When you know

17. heart-break

Ariana bit into the peanut butter Ben and Jerry's ice cream as she watched Bridget Jones and reruns of some of  chick-flicks. It was a cliche for women to watch romantic movies after a break-up, but Ariana failed to realise why women did that. It made it ten times worse. The protagonists got there happy endings technically within two hours due to the films run-time, whilst in real life, people like herself had no definite answer whether they'd get there happy endings. She wanted to chuck the remote on the tv. She though she was going to be ok, but she wasn't. All she wanted to do was stay in bed, eat and grieve. 

God, she felt awful. Was this how heart-break felt, like someone had physically scarred you and you felt a pain in your heart?

The day after she had returned to work,It had been a bad decision. She had felt so out of it and numb that she needed some time off. Hence she decided to take a sick week leave She didn't want to face the world. She felt weak and hurt and the last thing she wanted was people asking her if she was ok, because she was not! She missed him like mad and it took all her strength to not phone Aidan and beg him to come back. She reminded herself that in time, this pain would pass but the time was taking far too long and was almost unbearable. She still wasn't over her parent's death and to add to that pain was now this. 

By the almost end of a week of depressed and stupid movies, she was almost at her wits end. She felt like a torn, mad women. She still refused to cry, although she was wailing in misery inside her head, her mind and her soul. In a sense, loosing someone to death was easier than rejection or a break-up. At least, they were gone forever, and there was no hope of ever having them back. But with a break-up, the other person was alive, and there was still that hope, that tiny darn flicker of hope that maybe things might just return to normal. 

There was a loud bang on the door. Ariana sat up and turned off her mp3 and quickly ran to the door. She peeped through the keyhole. It wasn't Aidan, like she had hoped but it was Ellie. What on earth was she doing here? Ariana quickly patted her hair down and pulled her jumper down. She went to the door and with a deep breath opened the door.

'Ellie, hi. What are you doing here?' Ariana faked a smile as she let her in. Ellie looked at her suspiciously. 

'You haven't been answering my calls, you look...awful, no offence and...what happened to your flat? ' She said looking around the messy flat. Ariana also looked around. Her flat was a mess, a projection of her inner emotional and mental mess. 

'Um, nothing. I've just been ill.' Ariana said, faking a cough. 

'No. Don't lie to me. What happened? Where's your hot husband? He's supposed to be taking care of you.Aidan?' 

'Um...' Ariana sat down, deflated. 'He's gone.'

'What do you mean gone?' 

'He left me.' Ariana said nonchantly and gulped, trying to hide the hurt. 

'Oh Ariana.' Ellie said sitting next to her. 'You shuldn't be dealing with this on your own. How many times have you been there to wipe my tears over my useless boyfriends?' 

'How did you manage? I' Ariana said and bit her lip, trying not to cry. But she couldn't help it and painful and she allowed two fat tears to roll down her cheeks. Two drops only. 'I thought I could deal with it, but I can't. I miss him so much and I love him, Ellie. I love him much some. It hurts so much.' 

Ellie, pulled her into a hug, patting her hair. 'Its going to be ok. Its his stupid loss..' 

'I'm sorry.' She said, wasting your time and making you come all the way up here.'

'and for worrying me to death.' Ellie joked. 'But don't apologize. I've been through it so many times. But it gets better. Trust me. ok.' Ariana nodded in response.