Redamancy | Harry Styles Fanfiction (ongoing)

Chapter Eighteen.

"Ooh, I feel nothing without you

Ooh, there'd be no song without you, without you"

Harry Styles

With both of us focused on our careers, it's been difficult to spend some time with each other. It's been about a month and few weeks since Aurora started her new job at Clarke and Hughes and things are a lot more different and dare I say, difficult now. 

Time just isn't on our side, no matter how hard we try, our timings just don't seem to match. I'm forced to spend nights away from her, made to spend nights at the studio from staying there till late and not having the energy to drive back, it's like we're leading vastly separate lives. Even though it hurts to say it, it feels like we're growing apart, each day we move a bit farther away from each other, we're holding onto the harness as firmly as possible, but at the end of the day, there's only so much weight that the harness can hold.

One day, the rope's bound to tear.

We don't acknowledge the problems even when I know that she too senses the distance and the tension , but there's nothing either of us can do except hold onto our patience.

We barely have time to spend with each other, quick hellos and quick goodbyes or a phone call here and there, this, this has always been the most difficult part of relationships, the distancing, and the not being able to make time for each other, it doesn't feel like the way it was before, it's a little empty, a little foreign and a little cold.

The conversations have reduced, the teasing has reduced, the sound of her laughter echoing through the walls has reduced, the kissing, the moaning. It's all on the low. 

On the days that I manage to return home on those uneventful late nights, I find her passed out from exhaustion on the bed alongside her laptop and other papers while she holds onto my pillow in lieu of me, those are the days that I love the most. It's those days that make me forget the circumstances, it's those days that make me feel like we're still the same people that ran barefoot in a meadow on our first date.

It's the paranoia in me that's eating me alive, this is like history repeating all over again. This has happened to me before, with every person that I've ever tried to make things work with.

I can't lose her the same way too, 

I don't mind cleaning up after her when I find her passed out on the bed, picking up the papers whose corners she dutifully doodles on from being bored, I find them amusing, the stick figures of her and I holding hands, the cute little houses with smoke flowing out it's chimney, tiny flowers and countless ice-cream cones. 

They remind me how simple she really is, how just the smallest things get her all happy and excited; sunsets excite my girl, her favourite song on the radio excites her, donuts with colourful sprinkles excite her, the rain excites her, watching Disney movies excite her, me finally agreeing to her demands and singing along to One Direction in the kitchen excites her, it's all about her, my every thought is wrapped around her.

I'm obsessed with her, to say the least. 

 Just the thought her brings a smile to my face, she's all the soft touches, she's summer breeze, she's sunshine, she's warmth, she's a warm cup of coffee on a rainy day, she's the deep blue ocean, she's sweater paws on a winter evening; she's positivity and everything holy. 

To find an angel like this is a blessing from God herself. 

They say that spending time apart from one another makes the people in the relationship feel empty- often feeling like their partner is not reciprocating the same amount of energy or interest in the relationship, but I genuinely believe that this theory is absolute bullshit.