Y/n and Jake walked down the church.
"Ugh, it's impossible to find Garmin with everybody mourning all over the place. It's like they have no respect for our sneaky plans" complained Jake.
"It's a funeral, Jake" you reminded him. "But, I know. Oh, look, there he is."
"Oh, great" said Jake.
Y/n and Jake walked up to the front of the church where a guard was standing.
"Hi there" you said.
"Sorry, this area is reserved for close personal friends of the deceased" the guard said politely.
"Ah, well, that is us. Dozerman and I were pretty much besties. Went on an annual fishing trip together. Cayuga Lake, caught a lot of Coho salmon. We are both so bummed that he's dead" said Jake, and you nodded in agreement.
"Super bummed" you said.
"Oh, right on. Come in" said the guard.
"Thanks. Blessings to you" said Jake.
"Blessings?" you asked.
"I don't know. It's my first time in a church" said Jake.
"All right, how did you know all that?" you asked.
"Simple detective work" said Jake. "There was a floral arrangement up front with a picture of Dozerman and thirty of his friends holding up a big fish. Cayuga Lake, I pulled straight from the guest book. And Coho salmon? Well, that's just something I know about from being a man of the world."
"Today's special is the Coho salmon -" said the waiter, walking up to Jake and Charles.
"Sounds disgusting" said Jake. "Do you have chicken fingers?"
"Impressed?"
"Mm-hmm. And kind of disgusted by your eating habits" you said.
"Well, if I'm so unhealthy, how come I never go to the bathroom?" asked Jake. "Okay, let's get to Garmin."
"Yeah" you said.
Y/n and Jake walked forwards, and a blonde hair woman turned around.
"Hi, I'm Margaret Dozerman. How did you know my husband?" said Margaret.
"Oh, Mrs Dozerman, your husband was a great man. Some of my fondest memories of him were on our fishing trips" said Jake.
"You went on those trips?" asked Margaret.
"I did, indeed. They called me 'The Coho King.' Pretty much single-handedly organized those things myself" Jake said.
"So you were the one who brought all the prostitutes?" Margaret asked.
"Uh..." said Jake.
----------------------
"It took my husband and me years of counselling to get over those little backwood orgies of yours. He had sex with five prostitutes in one weekend" said Margaret angrily.
"Ugh" you said.
"That's bananas! I had no idea. I was probably too busy praying" said Jake.
"You said you planned the trips" Margaret said.
"Yeah, I did say that" Jake said.
"Called yourself the Coho King" said Margaret.
"All right, look. I'm not the Coho King. My name is Jake. And your husband was only my captain for, like, a day" Jake said.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake. "Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said. "For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you." "I like you too" you said. Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
