"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake.
"Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said.
"For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you."
"I like you too" you said.
Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
Jake walked into the bullpen carrying a large box. "Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to start clapping, 'cause I just made a major drug bust. Talking about four kilos of cocaine, $200,000 cash, and my new partner, a tarantula."
Jake pulled a plastic box out of the box he was holding. Everyone jumped, and stood up quickly.
"I call him Jake Jr, AKA Spidey Klum, AKA Mrs Doubtspider, AKA Joe Spiden, AKA Tarantula Basset, AKA Spi-dermot Mulrooney" said Jake proudly.
"AKA Tarantulina Jolie" added Charles.
"What?" asked Jake. "No, Charles, have you seen this spider? That's a terrible name."
"As long as that thing doesn't come in my apartment or anywhere near my apartment, you can keep it" you said.
"Why do you have that thing?" Terry asked frantically.
"Because they were gonna throw him away, but I couldn't do that to my furry little - ah! He's actually really scary up close" Jake said.
"It's horrifying from everywhere. Terry hates creepy crawlers" said Terry.
"Also, I'm not going to your apartment if whatever-his-name is is there" you added.
"Same" Amy said, crossing her arms.
"All right, fine, then he'll just live here and help me solve crimes. Get used to him, everyone, 'cause me and this spider are partners for life" said Jake, holding up the now empty cage. "He's gone."
Y/n, Terry and Amy gasped, and Charles quickly climbed up onto his desk.
"Spiders can climb, Charles" you said loudly. "That won't do anything."
"I left the cage unlocked, and he's gone" Jake said.
"Somebody find him!" shouted Amy.
"Stay off the ground!" said Charles, preparing his telephone, ready to hit the spider.
Rosa pulled out one of her batons and said "I'm good."
"I'm out of here" Terry said, running towards the elevator.
"He couldn't have gone far... Unless he can fly. Can tarantulas fly?" asked Jake.
"Jake, you'd better find that spider. And I'm not coming back here until you do" said Terry.
"Uh, Sarge, I think I found it" you said, spotting the tarantula climbing on Terry's shoulder.
Amy gasped, horrified.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Terry, the tarantula crawling across his head.
Jake pointed up.
"Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. It's on my head!" screamed Terry as the elevator door closed.
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"A whole hour until we testify" said Jake as y/n, him and Charles waited outside the courtroom. He reached inside the paper bag Charles had. "Hey, donut holes. Don't mind if I do." He spat it out. "Ugh! Fish? Fish donuts, Boyle? What is wrong with you?"
"It's takoyaki. I'm drowning my sorrows in octopus balls" said Charles.
"What sorrows exactly?" you asked.
"I've been online dating; It's a total disaster. I've only had one match, and it was a pretty obvious catfish situation" said Charles.
"My name is Yennifer. You give me social security?" asked the man sitting across from Charles.
"Oh, Yennifer..." Charles said.
"Now, I see that as a positive story. Out of all the identities he could have stolen, he chose yours, and you want to know why?" asked Jake.
"Because I posted my annual income?" asked Charles.
"Because you posted your annual income, you moron" Jake said.
"Excuse me, is that takoyaki?" asked a woman, who had just walked over.
"Yeah, from Senka, right down the street" Charles said enthusiastically.
"Oh, I love that place. The chef lets me take octopus hearts home for my dogs" said the woman.
Charles stood up. "Oh, lucky. How many dogs do you have?"
"Oh, too many" she said.
"Three. I have three" said Charles.
"Oh" said the woman.
"All right, wait, quick question. How do you keep them off the bed?" asked Charles.
"I gave up. I sleep on the floor" answered the woman.
"Me too" Charles said.
"It's better for your back" they said at the same time.
They laughed.
"Wow" you said.
"Well, nice meeting you" said Charles.
The woman began to walk away.
"What are you doing?" asked Jake. "She's walking away."
"I got nervous. She eats octopus balls, and she sleeps on the floor. She's the perfect woman" Charles said.
"Oh, my God" said Jake, taking one of the octopus balls and throwing it at the woman's head. It hit her neck, and she turned around. "Sorry, I was aiming at somebody else, but now that I have your attention, Charles?"
Charles got up and awkwardly walked over to the woman. "He was aiming at a terrible cwim-criminal, he was probably saving the world. Do you want to have tak-takoyaki at the - um, on the bench over there?"
"Sure, I was hoping you'd ask" said the woman.
"My work here is done" Jake said, taking a bite out of one of the takoyaki. "Ugh, still fish. Oh, God."
I can't sleep because I watched Fear Street today and it scared me so much.
