A terrified Charles was sat in front of Mean Marge's desk.
"So we're supposed to come running to clean up your mess every time you snap your fat little fingers?" asked Marge.
"Oh, no, no, I actually can't snap my fingers, they're always too wet. And I just thought, since it's your job - " stuttered Charles.
"Oh, I see" said Marge. "You cops think you're too good to clean up after yourselves?"
"Uh - no, I can do it myself, I'll just - " said Charles.
"That's union work. How dare you try to steal our jobs" said Marge.
"So, where do we go from here?" asked Charles.
"Well, you know the old saying: 'The only way to unclog a toilet is to let it sit'" said Marge, leaning back in her chair.
Charles shook his head. "You're a janitor. You should know that's not true."
"Boys, take out the trash" said Marge to the two men behind her.
"Oh, great! So you will do it?" asked Charles happily.
The two men walked threateningly towards Charles.
"Oh! I'm the trash, I get it. Okay, that makes more sense with your tone" said Charles. He stood up and backed towards the door.
He knocked something over as he walked out the door. "Oops! Oh... Love you, Marge."
--------------------------
Terry stepped over a large pile of garbage. "Why is there so much garbage in here?"
Charles sighed. "Mean Marge won't clean up the stew. And also, she suspended our trash service."
"What happened? What did you say to make her so annoyed?" asked y/n.
"You didn't grovel enough, did you?" asked Amy.
"Seriously, Amy, you're gonna ask Charles Boyle if he groveled enough? Come on!" said Charles.
"This is the grossest thing I've ever seen and I have three kids under the age of four" said Terry. "I live in a house of fluids."
"Look, I have a plan, okay?" said Charles, holding out his hands placatingly. "We're just gonna go over Mean Marge's head and we're gonna tell Holt."
"Tell me what?" asked Holt, appearing behind Charles.
"Oh, well, I don't know if you noticed, but there was an accident in the break room yesterday" said Charles.
"Oh, yes, shattered windows, bones everywhere" said Holt, turning to look at the break room which had bright yellow 'caution' tape across the windows. "It's very 'New York in the 70s.' Clean it up."
Charles stood up and tripped over a garbage bag. "The, uh, problem... is Marge in facilities is refusing to help."
"We were actually hoping maybe you could ask her" said Terry.
"Excuse me? I'm the captain of this precinct. I don't have time to mediate your petty squabbles. I've taken a sacred oath to protect this community and that is a job I take very seriously" said Holt passionately.
"So you're afraid of her too, huh?" asked y/n.
"Terrified" admitted Holt.
-----------------
Charles sighed and turned away from the break room. "Well, they still haven't cleaned up in there, but the good news is I got a new plan. I let one of the perps accidently get out of holding, then I take him down in the break room. Oopsie. Now it's a whole crime scene."
Amy gasped. "And then we can get the crime scene cleaners."
Terry laughed.
"Boom" said Terry.
"Not so fast" said Mean Marge, walking into the precinct.
Y/n groaned.
"That room gets cleaned when I say it gets cleaned" said Marge.
"You can't stop us now" said Charles.
"You ever heard the old saying 'Know the garbage, know the man?'" asked Marge.
"No, can't say I have" said y/n.
"That's not even a saying" said Terry.
"Yes, it is. I know all your secrets" said Marge, smiling at the group.
Marge snapped her fingers and held up a bag. "Boyle. You got a taste for fast food."
Charles giggled nervously. "Those aren't mine. I only eat locally-sourced meats. They could be Terry's. He was fat once, you know?"
"What the hell, Boyle?" asked Terry.
"Speaking of Jeffords, maybe your daughters would like to know that their daddy throws away all their drawings?" asked Marge, holding up the bag of drawings.
"They just draw so many and they're all so bad" said Terry, standing up.
"L/n, why do you like thing/your/obsessed/with so much?" asked Marge, holding up the bag of t/y/o/w.
"Uh..." said y/n.
"And you, Santiago, maybe the world would like to see that draft of a memo where you wrote t-h-e-i-r instead of t-h-e-r-e?" asked Marge, holding up the draft.
"Oh, you sick son of a bitch" said Amy.
"Why do you hate us so much?" asked Charles desperately.
"I know you call me Mean Marge. Do you even know my last name? Hmm?" asked Marge.
The group looked around the precinct awkwardly.
"Mop-bucket?" guessed Scully.
"Scully, don't guess" said Terry.
"Please" said y/n as Mean Marge walked away.
"No" said Marge.
One of the other janitors dropped a two large garbage bags on Terry's desk.
"Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys" said Charles.
"'Mop-bucket,' Scully?" asked Terry.
"It was a educated guess" said Scully.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake. "Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said. "For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you." "I like you too" you said. Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
