Angel Full of Flowers

❁ 18 ❁

I exhaled into my hands to warm them up. The air was particularly brisk today. Poppy and I had been sitting in complete silence for about five minutes. I didn't want to push her into telling me anything right away, it would have made her uncomfortable.

"I-I," she began, "have never told anyone, other than my parents, what I'm about to tell y-you right now. Mainly b-because I've never had anyone to tell."

As I turned to face her, I noticed she had been picking at the skin of her thumb. Whatever it was that Poppy was about to tell me was serious. I looked into her crystal blue eyes and spoke softly, "I'll listen."

Her eyes darted towards the other direction and she lowered her head. "You were my first friend and possibly the person I confide in the most," she hesitated and then finally spoke, "so I must confess that every time I look at Angel, I can't help but be mesmerized. She's so... perfect in every single way. Her laugh, her smile, her kindness..." Poppy sounded almost dreamlike.

I wondered to myself what she was trying to convey with this. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. Is she saying what I think she's saying?  "Poppy...?"

Her face flushed. "I..." she took a deep breath in, "...like Angel."

There was a part of me that had already known. I was grateful that she told me this and I wanted to immediately tell her to embrace her feelings. However, I quickly realized how ignorant it would sound if I did. It was easy for me to think; homosexuality was still, unfortunately, ostracized by some. I understood that if others were to find out, they would probably turn their backs on Poppy more so than they already had. Not only that but the fact that Angel was not a girl made this situation complicated and unethical.

I took her hand into mine and said, "Thank you for telling me."

She stared at me with her big round eyes and replied, "I'm not sure what to do about these feelings yet. I-I've always only seen her from afar but now that I'm her friend... I've fallen for her even more."

My heart sunk to the very depths of the ocean. I knew what would be the outcome if Poppy were to ever confess her feelings to Angel. And it hurt me, tremendously, not being able to tell her the truth about Angel—or any of my friends for that matter. But I could not betray Angel. I swallowed the lump in my throat and gave her a weary smile.

We remained silent for a moment. Trying to find the right words, I finally started, "Feelings are kind of like a flower—at first it's just a simple seedling but with time it grows and becomes something beautiful. We should never neglect those feelings—we should nurture them and watch them develop. If you feel within your heart that this person is someone you want to be with, then be with them," instinctively, I held onto my necklace, "if you feel that this person is warm, brilliant, and good-hearted, then you must hold onto them for as much and as long as possible."

I did not realize that I had been smiling at the ground for that entire monologue. Suddenly, I felt hot. What had I just said?! Were those words for Poppy... or for me?

"You're truly a wonderful friend, Camellia."

I turned to look at her again and found her smiling from ear to ear. Poppy took me into her embrace and I hugged her back. I was glad that she confided in me, but what worried me was what I had just felt. That entire time, Angel had flashed through my mind. His laughter, his pout, his sadness, his anger, his warmth—everything only I had witnessed.

Poppy then quickly stood up and with a smile said, "I'll be cheering you on! Good luck!" And headed back inside. I was left alone to come to terms with my revelation.

I had feelings for Angel.

°°°

It was warm. The gym was much warmer than I had anticipated. They were finishing up the astronomy section and we were winning. Finally, the small bell rang and the time was up. There was a tie. We had won physics and astronomy but lost against chemistry and computer science. It was up to biology to break it.