𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐚 ✓

98 | Thoughts and Doubts

When my theory was confirmed, I shut down. I ran upstairs with them all calling out to me, I didn't want to talk to any of them. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to all of them, how do I explain any of this when it doesn't make sense to me.

I've been in my room thinking about everything leading up to this point, there's no way that he would lie to me, he loves me.

Putting in my AirPods, I play one of my favorite songs, 'The Night We Met by Lord Huron.'

「 A/N — Song is above, grab your tissues, it's a heartbreaking song. 」

Laying down on my bed, staring at the ceiling as my mind sifts through all my thoughts and doubts. I'm trying to find any signs of deceit but there's nothing, nothing but genuine encounters.

I know deep down he would never lie to me about who he is, I don't even think he knew himself. I don't know how I didn't even see this coming or notice it in the first place, when I first met him he did look familiar but I thought it was because of who he was and his reputation.

There's absolutely no way he played me or my family, he seemed to be genuinely in love with me. I know if he knew he would have told me and when his name was bought up, he didn't even flinch.

I just want to lay here and be left alone for a bit, to gather myself and see any sense in this. I don't want my family hovering over me and trying to get into my head, I don't need that right now — I need space.

He won't get hurt, they'd never hurt him. That's not why he was taken at least I don't think it is, I don't think he was taken as leverage either. I think they have a plan and it involves him otherwise why would they take him, yes — that makes sense.

I wonder if Milos knew this whole time and didn't say anything to me when they held me captive, another asshole who possibly lied to me. Then again, I don't think he knew either.

I'm finally happy with everything right now including my relationship with Messiah and then this happens, someone throws a fucking spanner into the mix.

Why can't I just ever be fucking happy?

I don't think he's working for them, I don't think he was using me, I don't think he lied once. Regardless, I need to get back the man I love. I know we'll be able to work this out.

I haven't realized that I've started to cry, wiping them away I curl up in a ball. Letting out all my worries and doubts and trying to think of only the positives. I feel my body start to shake and weaken, I'm tired — tired of everything.

Why does this all happen to me? Why can't my family and I just ever be happy and have a break from all the chaos and the lies? I now realize what Gio means when he says he wants a normal life, wouldn't that be amazing.

Now that Viktor has been dealt with I now have another enemy who's trying to kill me, maybe I should just fucking kill myself and end all this.

No — you can't be thinking like that Val — your family loves you —

Wouldn't it be easier? Sure my family might be angry, lost, and upset but they'd be safe. My loved ones will be safe and able to move on, I have caused nothing but drama since returning home.

I feel arms wrap around me and hear someone hushing me, I didn't realize I have been sobbing loudly. I didn't even hear him come in, that's how out of it I am right now.

"Love." He whispers, rocking me back and forth.

"Nate." I cry out, my heart hurting.

I may be this bad bitch who's tough and seems like I have everything figured out but I don't. I just act as I do, I just act like I have everything under control. I don't want to break down in front of my family, they're counting on me. That's why I'm just so fucking tired, tired of everything.

"Valentina, he loves you. There's no way he knows, he would never hurt you." Nate whispers, stroking my hair, moving it out of my face.

"He's out there someone Valentina and we have to get him, you have to know he would never lie to you." He continues.

"It's not just that Nate, I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired of everything, I can never be happy. I'm always going to have someone who wants to kill me or hurt my loved ones." I choke out.

"I know you are love, I know —" he whispers before turning me around and pulling me into his chest, "we have to keep fighting, never give up."

"I don't know if I can keep fighting sweet cheeks." I sob into his chest, my hands fisting his shirt.

"Yes you can, you are the strongest most loyal person I have ever met. I would have been lost without you if we didn't meet all those years ago. I wouldn't have this family right now if it wasn't for you —" He says, kissing the top of my head, "I love you and your family loves you and I know Messiah loves you. We will all work together and get him back and find out the truth."

"I love you too," I sigh, "please stay with me, I don't want to be alone right now."

"Of course, I'm not going anywhere love. I'd never leave you, ever."

"Thank you — you are my soul mate Nate."

"As you are mine, love." He murmurs, playing with my hair.

He pulls me tighter against him and I relax into him, my eyes feel heavy and I'm starting to feel my exhaustion taking over. Allowing my body and mind to succumb to darkness, falling asleep in my best friend's hold.