𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 [rini au]

𝟷𝟽. 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚑 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝

Ricky's pov

"I really don't want to talk about it anymore..." Nini said as she pulled away from the hug.

"But we have to talk about this-"

"-I know but- but not right now.. I just.. can't right now."

"Okay.. so we should tell another secret." Gina said and looked at her phone. "It's five am."

"It's a good thing that there is only one secret left."

"Ricky?" Ashlyn said my name.

"Huh?"

"Tell us your secret." It was just four words but as soon as she said it, I felt like my heart had stopped.

"Come on, Ricky, you're the last one, we've all told our secrets. You saw that it's not that bad. I mean... some are exceptions.." I know that Carlos meant those two traitors Gina and EJ.

"I-I don't think I can." I said quietly and slowly. I don't know why I'm so nervous. My hands started to shake and I'm not feeling well. God, why is this happening to me?

How was Nini not nervous when she told me? She didn't even have her British accent, and she always speaks in a British accent when she's nervous. It's..... so cute.

"Ricky listen to me..." Nini started. "I really want to get out of here. You know this was hard for me. Like really hard. I learned that my so-called boyfriend cheated on me and with one of my best friends. I'm already tired of this, I can't take it anymore. I just want to go home. So please Ricky.. tell us that secret."

"I-I.... I'm sorry Nini- I can't.."

"Ricky!" she shouted, but then she calmed down a bit. "Please don't do this to me. I really want- need to get out of here."

"But I really can't."

"Why?! You just tell your secret! It's not that hard!"

"Trust me, it's really hard."

"No one will really care about the secret! If you want we won't even react! Just say it and we'll go home."

"Nin-"

"Ricky, are you trying to piss me off?! Because it's working."

Yeah, she looks pretty upset..

I don't want to upset her. It's enough that she's mad at EJ and Gina, even though I'm mad at them too. I know she's had enough today. But I can't help myself, I'm so scared to say it. And not just because it's private and I have to say it in front of everyone. And that's seven more people than I planned. I should say it to Nini, somewhere where it's just the two of us. But that's not what's happening right now.

"That's not what I'm trying to do." I finally said.

"Good, now tell us your secret." she replied.

I was silent. I didn't answer because I was too scared to say it. But that upset her even more.

"Just tell us your biggest secret!!" she yelled at me.

"I can't!"

"Why not?!"

"Because it's about you!"

"W-what?" her voice was suddenly much quieter.

"Yeah.." I nodded.

"What? Did you cheat on me too?" she asked me.

"No! Of course not!" I said quickly.

How can she even think that? I would never do that. I love her.

wow

It's weird to say it. Even though I didn't say it out loud. Not yet. But it feels good to say it to myself.

Maybe now I'm ready to say it out loud. Into her eyes.

"So what is it?" she asked curiously.

"I-I.. um-"

"Just say it, Ricky." she told me.

"I love you." I confessed quickly.

Oh my god I said it! I really did. I can't believe I said that!! Finally! It's a good feeling that I don't have to hide it anymore..

Oh God! I'm starting to panic because I just realized I really said that. I told it to Nini.

"Wh- wh- what?"

Obviously, she didn't expect it.

"I love you. I really do." I said again.

I don't know how to feel right now. She is looking at me with fear in her eyes. And that's not a very good sign.

"No, no, no. That's not possible." She shook her head.

Well it is possible because it is true.

"But it is."

Everyone else stood in silence and in shock. I don't know if they're shocked by what I said or that I finally said it.

But Nini had tears in her eyes. She probably didn't think this was the secret.

"So why didn't you say it in my room when I told you I loved you?" Nini asked.

Good question. Why didn't I say it back? I don't think I can answer that. Because there is no normal answer to this. I mean..just one..

"Because I'm an idiot." I replied.

"We agree with that!" Carlos said and the others nodded.

"This makes no sense. If you really love me, why wouldn't you say it?"

"I know it was a stupid move and honestly I don't even know why I did it. I meant to say it. And I kicked myself everyday since then because I didn't say it. But I do.. I love you." I told her.

One tear fell out of her eye. She didn't say anything, she was silent as she tried not to cry.

"Do you still love me?" I asked her nervously. Waiting for her answer was killing me. And then...

"I- I don't know.." it was just three words but it hurt me. So much.

"What do you mean you- you don't know?"

"Exactly what I said. I don't know Ricky."

I finally understand what it was like for her when she told me she loved me and I broke up with her. Although it wasn't a breakup, it was a pause.

But this hurts.

But I try and will be optimistic. She didn't say no. So there's a chance. Maybe someday we'll be together again. I hope so.

'I don't know' can mean yes. Right?

But one thing bothers me. She didn't say yes either. And 'I don't know' can also mean no.

-------
Hiiii!

Well.. all the secrets have been told!!

Sof♡