Minsung / Stray Kids / Annoying

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Requested by NoemiSTAY

As soon as Jisung saw Minho for the first time, he couldn't look anywhere else but one direction. Away from Minho.

The blush and pounding heart really wasn't worth the sight- although it certainly was a beautiful one. Jisung obviously knew why his body was reacting this way. Minho was an absolute gorgeous human being, but he didn't get why he couldn't stop thinking of him. He was shy about every single attractive person he's ever met.

Jisung was not even gay. Honestly, he's never liked a guy before. Not a girl either but how could one not like girls? They were so soft and- whatever. Call it inferiority complex but Jisung just didn't feel like he belonged in the same band or show as people like Hyunjin and Minho- although Hyunjin was still manageable. But Minho just wouldn't leave Jisung alone.

Did Jisung mind? Not really, no. He actually loved being around the older. Although he simultaneously hated the effect and the consequences of every hangout, they just clicked. Jisung wanted to help Minho whenever he could, wanted to talk to Minho whenever possible. Jisung once touched Minho and that was enough of an experience to never do it again. Did he wash his hand again since that? Actually yes, he did, but it was more of an unavoidable thing as soon as he had to go to the washroom.

To be honest, Minho bothered Jisung a lot. He brought chaos into Jisung's already messed up mind and he really didn't need that, no thanks. Right now Jisung could only hope. It was elimination time again. And please, please. Jisung would love to have his peace and quiet again.

Jisung didn't even listen to JYP talking, but Minho started smiling. It made Jisung feel weird. All giddy. Was this what drugs felt like? Losing all control and falling into a black hole with only one thing in mind: more. The smile didn't fade.

That was until Jisung looked at his other members. Now it was quite obvious.

Minho in fact had been eliminated.

Jisung had never felt more freedom than in this moment. Finally free of all the pressure, all the new emotions, all those weird uncontrollable feelings he had to keep inside for so long. This was good. Jisung was sure. And Minho kept smiling. For some reason that made Jisung even happier.

~

Jisung was sad. Something was missing since Felix had left the group and they all began to feel it. It felt like hitting a rock bottom.

Sniffling, Jisung made his way to Chan. Chan always knew what to do, what to say. Jisung could always vent when he was with him. That was exactly what he was gonna do today.

He felt mad. Why couldn't it just have been Minho to get eliminated? Why Felix? Why his almost-twin?

Jisung hesitated shortly before entering Chan's small studio. The latter sat in front of his screens, completely oblivious to Jisung's distress. Although Chan was probably just distracting himself from his own devastation.

"Hyung?" Jisung whispered. Nothing. "Hyung?" A quiet sniffle. Chan had heard him indeed. Jisung's heart broke a little. No, Jisung wasn't the only one in pain here.

With a few shuffled steps he had made it to his friend, wordlessly pulling him into an embrace they both so desperately needed. The tears were streaming and Jisung decided he should get rid of all of the stupid thoughts his brain produced nonstop. If not talking to Chan, who else would he talk to?

Changbin? No, Changbin had never had that kind of relationship with Jisung. Hyunjin and him weren't even talking right now because of their latest argument. And Seungmin just seemed too soft, too innocent, too fucking fragile for Jisung to unload his worries and burden him with all of this mess.

"I miss them," Chan whispered. "I miss Felix," Jisung whispered back. Chan backed off a little. "You were very close, I know. Minho and you as well." That's when Jisung shook his head. "I wasn't that close to Minho. I don't even like him that much. Don't you think he was a little- a little much. No, no. You interpreted that in a wrong way," Jisung kept on rambling until Chan completely let go of him.

Too much. He had said too much. Was he being obvious?

Hurt and disappointment flashed in Chan's eyes. "Don't talk bad about him, Jisung." Oh. The full name. "You have no right to talk bad about someone as long as they aren't in the room." And with that Chan turned away, back to his screens.

Jisung was dismissed. Feeling even more miserable than before. Shame painted his cheeks red and weirdly overwhelming anxiety brought tears to his eyes. He didn't even know what he was doing nor saying, he didn't know what he was feeling. All those feelings, and they didn't seem to stop, and- Jisung had to get out of this room.

A panic attack in the washroom knocked him out to the point that he fell asleep as soon as he had made it to his bed.

~

The next day, Chan didn't talk to Jisung. Neither did Hyunjin. Seungmin was always a quiet one either way, although he'd probably always pick Hyunjin's side if there was a fight, disagreement, or a simple argument. So Seungmin was even more quiet today. Basically, the only person that would talk to Jisung was the maknae Jeongin, but he was just so young. Another person that Jisung wouldn't want to burden with his crippling anxiety and self-hatred.

He regretted the words he had said yesterday deeply. He knew he panicked, tried to cover up his real feelings for Minho, tried to cover his vulnerability. Jisung just tried to protect himself. Well, look where that got him. He had tried, so many times to get himself under control. Countless times to convince himself there was nothing going on. But there was. And it scared Jisung shitless.

It was good that Minho left. Jisung didn't like the Minho effect. The survival show kept going on and Jisung was fine with it. The silence surrounding him kept going on. He had to be fine with it. That was, until a familiar boy entered the studio.

A smile on his face, so small not a lot of people would see it.

Felix.

Felix was back.

Jisung didn't even listen to anything that was said. His twin was back. The only person Jisung had trusted enough to talk about his mental health issues, his fear of basically everything, and his passion for music.

The euphoria stopped abruptly, depriving him of that tingly heartwarming feeling. Someone else entered. And as the group cheered again, Jisung couldn't get himself to even look at Minho.

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1131 words

i'm sorry i was drunk when i wrote this
part 2 incoming because i haven't even finished the actual request
but i wanted to post because i told u folks sunday so yeah

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