𝗘𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹

ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀᴜʀᴏʀᴀ ᴛᴏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ

I WAS NEVER SCARED OF DEATH, there was this thing about danger that always attracted me, maybe it was the adrenaline of what might happen, and maybe that's what attracted me to you, the danger. But if there was something that scared me was the thought of never hearing your voice, never feeling your lips on mine, never looking into your eyes or never holding your hands. You made me feel like we were untouchable because love made the danger in you look safe. The way I loved you was out of this world. Was stronger than anything I've ever felt for anyone.

When we met, I was depressed. My mind was consumed by my darkest thoughts. I didn't see a point in living anymore. I was alone, waiting for a sign. And then, you decided to sit at the table where I was and talk to me. You saved me, because quite frankly I don't know what I would have done if you didn't find me. You were an angel sent from heaven, you were the sign I needed to continue this journey we call life. I'm not going to lie, you were very annoying but I couldn't get up and leave. It was like my feet were glued on the ground preventing me from getting up and walking away. My heart knew you were going to be the love of my life and would save me, it just took a little while for my mind to realize that.

No one could read me, yet you read me like an open book. It was like all the locks I had would open by themselves when you were near me. But only you could do this, only you could read my eyes and reach my soul.

I remember when you told me you loved me for the first time. The raindrops colliding with our skins as a song played on the radio quietly in the background, you looked at me in the eyes, and in that moment I felt like everything made sense. It was like for the first time in a very long while everything was right. It felt right, the way your hands interlocked with mine, the way your lips touched mine, everything. You said, "I love you, Aurora. And I'll love recklessly, without words or empty phrases. I promise you I will love you forever and even still when forever runs out." and I believed you.

Before that day I was scared. Scared to admit that I had feelings for you. It was so foreign yet it felt so good. The way my heart would beat faster when I saw your face, how your laugh would warm my heart or how your touch would give me goosebumps. That's why I tried to keep these feelings buried deep in my heart, so I wouldn't have to feel them. But that day I realized that maybe they weren't as bad as my mind made them look, so I set them free. I made myself vulnerable for you. I trusted you.

The problem about our relationship was that it was based on lies. We built it with secrets, and that ended us. It wasn't death that broke us apart like I thought it would, it was our sins that did.

Is it bad that I thought our relationship would last forever, like you had promised me it would?

So many times I've wondered where you were, how were you doing, or if you were happy. I wondered if I should have fought harder for us.

I constantly made myself remember our moments. It was like a beautiful fairytale. I thought you were my magic savior. Funny how I had lost hope and beliefs in everything but you made me believe again.

You messed me up, you really did. Because now, I lay awake at night wondering how things could have been. If maybe I did something wrong and that's why you left. For a while I blamed myself. I thought I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't pretty enough and that I was a bad girlfriend.

But I want you to know that I forgave you. And I hope you forgave me too. I don't want to hold any hate towards you, because the truth is, no matter how much I try to pretend like I don't love you, like I moved on, I didn't.

Why did life put you on my path? If you were going to leave, then why did you make me fall in love with you? Was it fun to see my heart break right in front of your eyes?

I wanted an answer for this questions, but you gave me none.

I wish you knew how much it hurts. How my heart aches every time I think about you or anything related to what we were. I remember all the things we wanted and all the memories.

But if you loved me, why did you leave me?

But regardless of everything, I don't wish you pain or sadness. I wish you all the best. I hope that someday you will find a girl and love will hit you once again. I pray that you treat her right and not make the same mistakes again. And it may hurt me to imagine you with someone else, but it's for the best.

I remember that my mother, even though she had too little time with me before she died, she told me, "If you really love someone, you have to let them go. If you really love them, you will want them happy, even if their happiness is without you. So you will respect their wishes and let them walk away. It will hurt for a while, but you won't make them stay if they don't want to."

The thought of letting you go even after everything you told me, made me sick. I couldn't imagine a day without you by my side. I wanted you to hold my hand and stay in the dark with me when I felt hopeless. When I thought about the future, the only person that I could imagine by my side was you. When I thought about having a family, the only person I wanted to do it with was you.

I didn't want to let you go but I knew I had to. I had to, even though I was in love with you, and still am. Because if what you told me that night was true, it was the best for both of us, we would have ruined each other.

And it's been months, but when I look at your picture, I feel mesmerized in your grey eyes and I still melt with your charming smile. Letting you go was slowly destroying me, but if I tried to make you stay it would have killed me. Because a relationship needs both parts to love each other, and maybe ours had it at the beginning, but I don't think it did at the end.

You might have made me cry, but I've never smiled like I did when I was with you. You might have made me mad, but no one has ever made me laugh the way you did. You might not have been perfect, but you were perfect to me.

I wish I could say I moved on, but I can't. Because the truth is, my heart and soul are forever yours - whether you want or not.

I believed we were meant to be together. I believed we were right for each other at some point. I believed you were supposed to be my first and last love, the one that would be waiting at the end of the aisle for me and would grow old with me. But I also believed that I fell in love with you too soon, and maybe that's why we fucked up. We were against fate and met before we were supposed to. We were perfect for each other but the universe found ways to pull us apart. It was the right love at the wrong time.

Our relationship may not have ended in the best way, but I'll always remember it.

And there is one thing I promise you, my love...

I'll love you forever and even still when forever runs out.

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I guess that's it, the end.

Thank you for all the love and support.

I love y'all <3

Best regards, Julia.