But Now, I Know

Epilogue

The death of King Arthur was mourned throughout the entire kingdom. The people had loved the fair and just man who they had watched grow and mature from a young age. He had led them to victory many times and his loss still didn't quite feel real. The sorrowful months after the battle of Camlann were followed by a devastating winter, which usually would have dampened their spirits, but the hopeful news that reached their ears kept them warm and rejoicing through the season. Queen Guinevere was with child. She was carrying the ere and the reminder of King Arthur that Camelot so desperately needed. 

Morgana was delighted by the news. She still had yet to approach anyone from her past life, but she intended to make amends in any way that she could. She had been using her magic for good, rebuilding war torn landscapes, enchanting fields of crops to have unusually spectacular harvests, and helping the people of Camelot anyway that she could.

Her new life was lonely, but she was comforted by the knowledge that she was working towards forgiveness instead of away from it. Guinevere's baby boy was born just as the first signs of spring began to filter through the landscape. She wondered if this was the right time to rebuild her relationship with her oldest friend. Maybe it was. 

The guards would never let her pass. She needed a disguise. A slight alteration of her appearance was in order. 

She filed into the courtyard along with hundreds of other citizens all wanting to get a glimpse of their future king. Some were singing drunken songs of celebration, others stared up at the balcony, not wanting to miss the moment when it finally came. Morgana peered at the faces, here eyes locking on one particular face that she didn't think she would ever forget. The long white beard and hair surrounding the pale face of an old man. His sparkling young eyes shining through his elderly appearance. She approached him cautiously. He met her gaze, recognition passing behind his eyes. 

"I thought aging spells were behind us, Emrys. After all, what need do you have to disguise yourself?"

He sighed, leaning heavily on the twisted stick he carried as a cane. "I thought you might come."

"I had to. I've come to speak with Gwen."

"She might not want to see you."

Morgana bit her lip. "I know. But I have to try."

He chuckled. "After everything you've done... do you really expect anyone to forgive you?"

She closed her eyes. "No. I don't know. I at least want to deliver my apology."

"You know... I've noticed a few things lately, heard a few stories."

"It's not altogether unusual for stories to be shared."

"I've heard rumors about a strange old witch who had been wandering around Camelot's lands, doing good deeds... there are those that speculate that this kind old woman is the last high priestess of the old religion."

"And those speculators would be?"

"Me." He looked her in the eye. "At first, you puzzled me. Why, after everything, would Morgana Pendragon throw away all her beliefs. What happened that caused that awakening?" He smiled at her, something that Morgana hadn't expected. "And then... I had a most peculiar series of dreams."

"Oh?"

"Indeed I did. You locked me in a wardrobe."

Morgana returned his smile. "Sorry about that."

"So, it wasn't a dream after all..."

She shook her head, euphoria flooding her entire body. "No, no it wasn't." Her joy was so intense that she could already feel tears brimming in her eyes. 

"You kept your promise."

"Of course," she laughed. "I should have made you promise not to forget me either." She looked at him curiously, pain and sorrow returning to his eyes as he looked away. "What is it?"

He took a shaky breath. "I'm afraid, Morgana. Afraid of becoming what we fought so hard against."

"You afraid of becoming Kyulds?"

He nodded, scrunching up his face to endure his overwhelming emotions. "I can feel it. I can feel the beginning of what he described. The hopelessness, the depression, the thought of death at my own hand... it's all there. I don't know how to stop it... I don't know how to stop it."

She grabbed his arm, remembering what Freya had told her she must do. "It's alright, Merlin. It will be different this time. You'll see."

"How can you promise that?"

"Because... this time you're not going to be alone. I'm going to be right here with you for as long as I can."

He let out a tight breath. "I don't know if I can... eventually I'll just lose you too..."

"Maybe. Maybe you will, but, Merlin... death and loss... it isn't permanent. You have to remember that life just continues. Time flows around us and no matter how hard we try, we cannot stop it. Time takes things away, it takes friendships, it takes youth, it takes loved ones... but it is what it is. There's nothing we can do about it but remember and treasure the memories that were gifted to us. If Arthur lived forever, his triumphs would cease to be triumphs, his glory would become dull and mundane. Too much of something good, it can... it can spoil. Everything must come to an end. Without ends, there would be no beginnings."

"Keeping Arthur safe was my life for so long," he sobbed. "How am I supposed to move on from a failure like that?"

"You... you... You keep it in your mind."

"Keep what?"

"Your motivation. Devote yourself to something new. Treasure the old memories, but make new ones, too."

"I can't see how I'm supposed to do that."

"That's alright... that's alright. I don't think it'll be clear right away. But I'm going to be here. I'm not going to let you fall down the wrong path. It's... it's my destiny." Morgana reached into Merlin's cloak and pulled out the blue vile of liquid that would remove his disguise. "You shouldn't push away your friends, Merlin. You need to face them."

He took a breath and took the bottle from her hand. "You need to face them, too," he said, referring to her own disguise. He uncorked the bottle and drank the liquid. 

There was a cheer from the crowd as Gwen stepped out onto the balcony, holding a small bundle in her arms. She beamed at her subjects and at the chosen knights who surrounded her. 

Both Merlin and Morgana smiled at the sight. 

"She looks..."

"Happy."

"She looks hopeful."

THE END

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Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed, I had a lot of fun with this one. I hope everything made at least some sense.