A descovery in homeschooling

Chapter 15

Izukus POV

I was screaming, sweating and crying all at the same time. I needed to take a breath so bad. So i tried breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth but it didn't work. I only started hyperventilate more.

You are useless. You should have safed her. You could have done better. You are so weak and pathetic. These thought raced through my brain and i couldn't stop them. And the picture of Eri being overhauled just kept being in my mind like it's constantly playing on loop.

I tried to stand up to get to my bathroom but just out of my bed, my legs gave up under me and i broke down on my knees. My breath acclerated even more. Black dots started to appear in my sight. 

Till a voice broke through the silence.

Aizawas POV

I was back on the couch for about half an hour when i heared a scream. It was coming from upstairs. I immediatley went into my fighting stance and then remembered why the  scream sounded so fammilier. 

Problem child.

I got up and started racing upstairs to his room. The closer i got the more i could here. He was crying and hyperventiling. He stopped screaming but why.

I bustted through the door to his room to see him laying on the floor. He was on his knees, arms also standing on the ground and stabilizing him and his chest was going up and down way to fast. I ran to him and sat down next to him. 

"Hey problem child. Everythings fine. I am here. You are safe." I said while picking him up and satting him down in my lap. I let his head fall against my chest. I hugged him and continued talking calmy to him. His breath slowed down a little.

"Can you hear me?" I asked and he slowly nodded. "Okay, can you name me 5 things you can see?" Problem child looked around while saying "The wall, the floor, you, my hands and the window."

 "Good, now 4 things you can hear." "Your voice, my breath, my heartbeat and Eri and Mic downstairs."

"Very well. 3 things you can feel" "You, the floor and my tears in my face."

"2 things you can smell." "Your cologne and Ktsudon" Oh, yeah, Mic wanted to do Katsudon today.

"Good now 1 thing you can taste." "My tears." he said and by now his breathing calmed down to and completly normal way of breathing. I hugged him tighter and asked "Do you wanna talk about it?"

He nodded.

Izukus POV

I just calmed down and was being hugged by Aizawa, when he asked me if i wanted to talk about it. I don't know. Do I? 

It feels like i can trust him but i am not sure. I don't know if i can. I am too scared that he will tell anyone. They will only hurt me more. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. I wanna be happy. But i don't think i can carry all this alone anymore. I wanna be helped. I don't think that i will ever be able to continue to carry this all alone. 

I can't. I can't do this anymore. So i nodded. I didn't look into Aizawa's face. I just looked down. Aizawa pulled me closer to himself and said "Start whenever you are ready okay?" on which i nodded. I took a deap breath and started to explain.

I told Aizawa what had happend in my dream. I told him the thought i had while dreaming it. But i couldn't tell him more. I felt like believing and trusting him but something in me couldn't. It stopped me immediatley. Aizawa noticed how abruptly i stopped talking. But he didn't let go.

"It's okay. You don't need to tell me everything right now. Take your time." he said while holding me close. I felt safe but something still felt ... worng.

I felt like i was ripping him out of his family. A family i didn't feel like i was part of it. Like i was an intruder. I just feel like i am distroying it. They deserve to have a father like Aizawa, i didn't. Everything, what ever happend in my life, i deserved.

"No, you didn't, Izuku."

I froze in shock. Was i mumbling again? "Yeah, and you still are." he said and i quickly covered my mouth with one hand. Aizawa let out a chuckle. "It's fine." 

No, it's not. How much did he hear? "You didn't deserve, what was happening to you. Nobody would. No matter what they did. Even criminals are treated better so don't say or think something like that." he said. I started to fidgit with my hands and concentrated my eyes on them. 

"Izuku please look at me." There it was again. He was calling him by his first name but why. I didn't want to look at him so i nuzzled my face into his chest. I can't cry again. That would be more pathetic than anything in this world would ever be. But Aizawa took two fingers and lifted my chin with them so i was kinda forced to look at him. Then he started talking

"Don't ever think something like that of you ever again. If you ever think something like that again, please talk to someone. I don't care if it's me or some of your friends. At least talk. You deserve being helped. More than anything. Even if you don't believe me right now, but i can tell you that some day you will look back at these days and ether regrett or be happy about your decision. But nothing will change if you don't let people near you. I don't want you to kinda tell them your hole life story in an instant but please don't block people out completly. Yeah, some people in this world have bad intentions but not everybody. So please, we are all hear for you and we will help you whenever you need it, okay?"

I nodded. Tear were threatening to fall. But they weren't there because i am sad, no, they were happy tears. 

Something i kinda forgot it exsited because i haven't cried these tears fo a very long time.

Then a smile cracked on my lips.

It wasn't fake it was....

A true smile.

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Hey!

I hope you liked it.

See you in the next chapter.

Till then

Your A/N