SPACEMAN AND THE MOON ― doctor who

twenty-four ; banana milkshakes and john lennon

chapter twenty four ; banana milkshakes and john lennon

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THE DOCTOR TOYED WITH THE POCKET WATCH IN HIS HANDS, trying to decide how to tell her. He loved her, truly, but he didn't want to be alone anymore and with this...it was a chance to be selfish, to pick himself.

He sighed, shaking his head and stuffing it back into his pocket. He didn't want to force it upon her, he wanted her to know when the time was right, to make the decision herself. He owed her that.

Jumping up from the bed, he opened his bedroom door and walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. It had been three days since they'd med Donna, and they'd hardly exchanged any sort of communication. He knew she was mad, he just didn't know how to fix it. Even with his wife, he'd never really known what to say when she was upset. Women were the only puzzle he couldn't solve.

"Oh."

The Doctor looked up from the fridge where he'd grabbed the jug of milk, looking behind him with wide eyes. There she stood, and his hearts beat a tad faster at the sight of her. She was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever met.

"I didn't know you were up," he started, shaking his head. "I can go and...do something."

"No," she shook her head. "No, it's fine." She moved out of the doorway, grabbing a slice of bread from the cabinet on the other side of the room. She slipped it inside the toaster, hardly acknowledging him at all. She walked towards him and his hearts thudded against his chest -- had she forgiven him first? -- before stopping, staring at him expectantly. "Can I -- I need the marmalade."

The Doctor's mouth fell open and he nodded, his breath hitched at her close proximity. Being away from her for so long, he'd forgotten the way she intoxicated him with her very presence. Simply standing a few inches apart, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and pull her close, call her his and kiss her straight on the mouth.

"Sure, yeah," he said instead, moving to the side, leaning against the counter. He hesitated, debating on whether or not to say something before ultimately deciding he was better off knowing the truth. "Are you going to forgive me?"

Luna grabbed the marmalade slowly, shutting the fridge and going back to her toast as it popped out of the toaster before she made any sort of acknowledgement that she'd heard him. She shrugged. "Perhaps," she shook her head. "I don't know."

He watched her back, guilt soaring through him again. "I am sorry," he told her quietly.  "I didn't mean what I said."

She nodded, turning back to face him. "When you said I should be with someone else? Or when you pretended I wasn't there for the entire journey back from Thames. Or, how about, saying you love me and then choking over your words because you miss Rose. Is that -- what exactly are you apologizing for?"

The Doctor shifted, leaning towards the table in between them, staring into her eyes. "Luna, I didn't mean you should be with someone else."

Luna laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "'Course not. You just insinuated it and didn't even look at me after. I wanted you to chase me, idiot. Tell me you love me, prove that you didn't need her. But you didn't. You just stood there."

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head. "Don't," she told him. "Just...burn another sun and talk to Rose or something, I don't give a damn."

Without giving him a chance to speak, she took her toast and rushed from the room. He groaned frustratedly, throwing his head in his hands. "What am I doing wrong?"