Painting this canvas with the colors of our love

That girl i met a while ago

"mommy can you hear me? it'd be time for you to wake up... because i'm feeling very lonely..." i heard someone's voice but i couldn't tell where it was coming from and i couldn't see anything, everything was just pitch black. It was like i was in a big room, all the lights out, nothing else in there and those were just my thoughts resonating in emptiness. It happened frequently for me to lock myself up in my head to the point i didn't recognized my surroundings anymore but that was different and those were not my thoughts. Vanessa. As sensibility snapped back into my body as a rush of electricity i became aware of the circumstances.
I was finally able to open my eyes but the light was blinding me so i had to close them again.
"mom... mommy no... open your eyes" she said in a feeble voice.
I just couldn't take it to hear her in such distress so i put all the effort in and opened my eyes again.
It took a while before i could say anything to her and that's when i was made aware of how sore my throat was.
"Blythe said not to worry it's just they had to put that tube you use to help people breathe" she said and that explanation of a ventilator was less terrifying than the actual thing so i smiled to that and also because she knew exactly what to say just by the look on my face. I was so happy to see her face until the happiness washed out and the other one face i wanted to see wasn't there.
"mum is still in the ICU, so that's why she's not here" she said anticipating my thoughts again "Blythe said-"
"can... can you please call her?" i asked her.
"she should be here any minute" she said showing me my pager, of course she had given that to her, wouldn't she come running if i paged her... she would.
"is she..." she said barging into the room without any gracefulness at all "awake?! yes! oh my god... S i'm starting to think you have 9 lives like the cats" she said not wasting a second on going to remark how good of friends me and the angel of death were.
"how many do they have anyway... 9 or 7..."
"i think it's 7"
"what would your fancy european ass know anyway"
"right... so-"
"no" she cut me off.
"you don't even know what i want to say.." i said.
"you sure? didn't she already tell you she's in the ICU she's being taken care of and she's going to wake up, she's been getting better every day.."
"woah every day... how much time have i..."
"been out? 4 days, if we consider the day of
the verdict as one whole day then 5" she said doing the math in her head before her gaze landed back on me.
"oh God... how have you guys been doing..." i said looking at the both of them, B sometimes had this cool facade but i knew her and i knew how terrified she was every time i ended up there half dead because she had told me more than once and i certainly was aware that Vanessa was only a kid, my
kid, for the record, and she shouldn't have had to face that alone "baby i'm so sorry i couldn't be there for you... come here i wanna be next to you, it feels like i haven't been able to hold you in my arms in forever" she snuggled with me under the covers of the bed carefully though and she hugged my arm since she couldn't hug my waist.
"you kept the promise" she whispered and i looked at B like i had no clue what she was talking about but then i remembered the day they took her away from me and sarah i promised her that wasn't the last time we were going see each other.
"of course baby... i always come back to you, always" i said kissing the top of her head. 
"B i'm assuming she stayed with you and Peter the whole time... I don't even know what to say-"
"no stop, you're like family to me, so is Vanessa and so is Sarah" she said as to let me know she had gotten the situation under control.
"I know... thank you... I love you"
"I love you too and i'm glad you're back" she said.
"so you don't want to tell me about Sarah tell me about myself..."
"sure... i'll just go get your chart... girl why don't you come with me, i'll drop you off at pediatrics so you can play with some other kids.. they really do need someone to play with that's not aged 30 to 60"
"but i really want to stay with my mom..." Vanessa said and B looked at me as if she was thinking "well i tried, now it's up to you"
"baby why don't you go? you might see someone you know i'm sure they'd all be delighted to see you and you could give them a little more hope because you made it" i suggested.
"i suppose i should go... James's still there" she said getting off the bed.
"yeah you go, we won't be long anyway" i said encouraging her to go.
B and Vanessa disappeared out the door in hallways and before i could even let myself go because they were gone someone else got into the room.
"doctor Frome"
"hello... it's a pleasure to see you awake.." he said softly closing the door behind his back.
"yes, i suppose it's been a while..." i said trying to readjust myself to sit more upright but it was very difficult and painful.
"yeah... i missed talking to you... when did you wake up?"
"just a few minutes ago actually..." i said.
He was standing awkwardly in front of the door like more physical proximity could hurt me.
"oh.. that's great, did you see Vanessa already?"
"yes.. actually she was able to wake me up because she was talking to me" i said.
"oh that's wonderful, where's she now?" he asked clearly avoiding mentioning Sarah.
"she's gone visiting some of her friends in oncology" i said.
"oh that's wonderful" he said again, but i found nothing wonderful in any of that and he didn't either because he was way too tensed.
"yeah wonderful... doctor, I know about Sarah..." I informed him.
"alright.. well better actually..." he said now approaching the bed like he had been freed of the weight that anchored him to the floor where he had been standing.
"Sylvia... I am not here to stress you, but we really need to talk about what happened because i don't want you to lose all the great, great progress you had made" he said sitting down beside my bed.
"i can't do this right now..." i said barely preventing my voice to break.
"i know, it doesn't have to be today, it's a lot to take in..."
"no i... i remember everything even too clearly it's just... she has to wake up and come back to me... i can't do this without her" i said and admitting it made me burst into tears.
"hey, all the doctors say she's been doing better every day, she just needs a little more time..."
"it's just... the fact that i can't see her..."
"would you want to? see her in a hospital bed..."
"i want to be with her, no matter what that means"
He analyzed me, studied my face for a minute or so "do you really mean that?" he asked.
"i mean that... i think by now i've proved myself enough... i took a bullet for her and i would do it again but the fact that she took one for me... and i wasn't able to stop it..."
"how does that make you feel..."
"it makes me feel like shit... like i failed, my only aim was to protect them, Sarah and Vanessa and look at where we are"
"yeah, all three of you are here and alive"
"barely..."
"did you think it would be easy, did you think you could make it out of that unscathed?"
"i certainly hoped so for them"
"well Vanessa is and Sarah's going to get better soon"
"is she though... none really knows" i sobbed.
"i think she just needs her time... can you not wait for her..?"
"i'd wait for her even if i knew she couldn't wake up... she is my... she's my heart"
He looked at me like he was trying to work out some way to help me but he just couldn't until he shook his head lightly as he was trying to shake away his thoughts "let's go" he said.
"of course you know i can't go anywhere..." i said indicating my leg.
"you know i went to med school too even though i'm a psychiatrist, right?"
"yeah..." i said.
"good, just checking" he said and started pushing my bed out of the room.
"we're going to get in trouble.."
"have you never been more in trouble than this?"
"i suppose i have"
"good then shut up and look sick"
I did as i was told and shut my mouth letting him take me where we were going.
I realized he was taking me to Sarah because i knew that hospital's hallways too well. My heart started thumping in my chest because i didn't know what to expect.
"we're almost there" he said.
"yeah..." i said and before i could even finish he stopped and i saw her through the glass door.
She looked peaceful, she was still on a vent and asleep but at least she was alive.
I observed her for a while more but i so desperately wanted to feel her... "do you think we could go in?"
"what do you think doctor, can we?"
"physical proximity can help maybe if vanessa didn't manage i could..."
"you will not get out of bed, the situation with your knee is very delicate i don't want you to do anything stupid... you can hold her hand and talk to her, okay?"
"deal" i said immediately, I would've taken anything i could get, just holding her hand was okay.
"good..." he said getting me into the room with a little difficulty because the bed was difficult to maneuver.
Once i was as close as it was possible to her bed i reached for her hand.
"hey babe..." I said and kissed the back of her hand, my eyes were already full of tears "i'm so happy to see you and... i'm also so sorry... i'm so sorry... i didn't want you to risk your life for me... because i need you alive more than anything... you're the love of my life... i would never intentionally hurt you" i said.
"you didn't hurt her, this is not your fault" dr Frome added just so i couldn't forget he was there.
"i love you sarah... Vanessa loves you... we're all here waiting for you and i know you love us too so if you could please come back we'd love to hear your voice again... I surely would... I know you already did a lot for me and probably are the only reason i'm not dead but if you could do this one last thing and wake up it would be so amazing..." i said and realized i was actually expecting or hoping for something to happen.
"why would i even think this would work... for the love of god i'm so fucking stupid"
"you know it's real, you know it helps..." he said.
"what if it doesn't help her and she doesn't wake up... what will i do? I can't be without her i love her too much and i've tried and life felt like shit when i knew what being with her felt like... not to mention i couldn't take care of Vanessa on my
own i'd be depressed, stressed and overworked and she doesn't deserve to go through that again" i started hyperventilating thinking about how life would've been without her.
"calm down, calm down, take deep breaths with me..." he said helping me go back to a slower breathing pace "don't jump to conclusions, you love Vanessa, she loves you and you both love Sarah... that's the only thing you have to do... love her... love her so much she just has to come back..." he said.
"yeah but what if she doesn't..." i cried.
"do you think she asked herself what if she couldn't save you anyway? or did she just jump in front of you"
"no... i suppose not..."
"right she jumped in front of the person she loved, like you had done for her, without any second thoughts because that's what love makes us, it makes us brave, it makes us selfless because for once someone matters more than ourselves, love makes us go against our nature to fly from dangerous situations, to hell with fight or flight, there is no flight.. it's all fight and that's what you're going to do, fight with her and how you do that is by giving her hope, let her know you're here by her side and that it is safe to wake up now..."
"wait... you think she could wake up but she can't because she's like... what? blocked, afraid?"
"all her functions are okay and sometimes this could occur after traumatic events" he confirmed. My eyes were burning with tears again... "can you give us some time alone?"
"of course" he said leaving the room.
I couldn't look at her so i just took her hand in mine and focused on it.
"Sarah... hi... yeah i know... you're having the time of your life sleeping so much, huh? yeah but, you see, i'd love to hear your voice again and look into your eyes and... you know i'd love to get that horrific thought that you're going to die out of my head so... I know that you're doing your best but please, please do more, you're safe now, i'm safe, Vanessa is safe and we're all here for you. I am literally just waiting for you, I could stay here holding your hand all day everyday if-" i was cut off by the loud beeping of the machines she was linked to. I had heard that sound so many times i managed to remain cold blooded. I looked at her vitals and then at her and realized she was waking up so the ventilator tube had to be removed but the only problem was i couldn't do it because i couldn't stand because of my leg.
I looked for doctor Frome rapidly but B and Peter were quicker than me. They stormed into the room like they had just won the marathon.
"how'd you get here so fast?"
"I generously tipped every single nurse that's been on call since you got here to page either of us immediately if something happened i think they all think there has been a wager raise or something" Peter said finally extracting the tube.
"Sarah, babe, i'm here, i'm so happy to see you" I said as she got used to the feeling in her throat and to the dim, cold light of the room.
"hi..." she said in a whisper.
"you don't need to talk, just look at me so i know it's real" I said holding her hand. She squeezed my hand lightly in hers, she still hadn't regained her strength back so it was normal.
"did it work?" she asked.
"yes babe... it worked but never put at risk your life for me again"
"you're the only thing i care about..." she said "and Vanessa... where is she?" she asked analyzing my face like i was hiding something.
"she's okay, she went to see a couple of other kids in pediatrics, she'll be down here in moments i'm sure B went to get her"
"oh thank god..." she said sighing deeply but she soon regretted it "ouch, oh my..."
"i know babe you should pay attention to it..."
"shit, now i know how you felt..."
"yeah it sucks"
"what happened to you...?" she asked.
"i'm okay, i'm here with you and it's all that matters.."
"mummy you're awake!" our moment was interrupted by the best sound we had ever heard.
"hello baby girl..." sarah said but it was obvious she was tired.
"come on little one, get up on here" i said tapping on a spot on my bed that was so close to sarah's it almost looked like one big king size bed.
She got up on the bed and hugged Sarah, she hugged her back as strongly as she could.
"i love you baby girl..."
"i love you too. i'm happy you're alive" Vanessa said.
My eyes had filled up with tears again of course but Sarah noticed so her hand went up to my face to wipe them away. That heavenly touch made me realize how much i missed it, missed her and our happy family life.
"we're fine, we're all fine..." i whispered kissing sarah's hand.
"with a few more holes though" B's voice said and made us all look at her.
"seriously? what are you the comedic relief in this whole situation?"
"i'm not wrong though..."
"i mean, one other time like this and sarah's going to trigger her tripophobia by looking at herself in the mirror, or by looking at you for that matter since you're still beating her by one hole"
"nice one, subtle, very classy, my tripophobia" said sarah laughing.
"you shouldn't-"
"holy sh- shit... this hurts"
"yeah that's what i was trying to tell you" I said.
"you're going to have to remind me more often since you're used to this"
"nice touch.." B said and they exchanged a look.
"oh you two are insufferable" i said.
"yeah for that matter do you mind if we go talking somewhere else? no, right?" Peter said pushing my bed outside the room.
"you weren't really asking me... so spit it out, what's wrong?"
"i have two things to tell you..."
"is either one of those things good or..." he shook his head lightly "god you and Blythe suck at this... just tell me"
"hum about your knee the orthopedic surgeons did all they could and they think you might walk normally again if you are extra careful and do the rehabilitation"
"well Peter i call this good news after i've been shot twice"
"yeah the other thing is... the bullet that literally passed through Sarah and got to you exploded into pieces really close to your kidneys.." as he said that the blood in my veins froze like i was walking around naked in Antarctica.
"of course..." i chuckled "now tell me the good one is lost..."
"not yet... it might not be and even if it is you might get another-"
"no you know as well as i do that this can't happen twice"
"kidney compatibility is as rare as a unicorn but may-"
"no... you know i don't even need to die because i feel like i'm already in hell..." i said and he looked at me like he didn't know what to say "always the same nightmare repeatedly, i dream i'm dying and losing Sarah at the same time... until one day this whole fucking nightmare becomes real... every time" i cried.
"Sylvia-"
"I know... you love me right? Sarah loves me, Vanessa loves me... yes, this only adds to the pain... because i might leave you, and i don't want to... i should have so much time... I should be able to teach my daughter how to swim, i should take her to my home country to meet my family, her family, she'd be so happy there... so many kids to play with, the sea, the warm weather, she'd even love the countryside i just know that... and now you're telling me i'm back at where we started again? that there is no point at all in starting rehabilitation for my knee because whenever i'd reach a point when my leg is strong enough again then my kidney will have given up on me and i wouldn't be able to stand on my own feet anyway so... What is the point?!"
He looked at me like i had just slapped him but i had done no such thing, life had.
"look i know that there is a possibility the good kidney is not affected by this, I only wanted you to know the truth... Jesus i'm going to tell you because i know you will understand... Blythe didn't want to tell you until symptoms showed up, I'm risking my marriage here, but you had to know what could happen, it might not happen but i knew you needed to know the bigger picture because... you're one of the strongest people i've ever met, like for real, i have never seen anyone react to life like you do... you always bounce back, whatever comes your way you're standing there ready to fight... i know you, you are Blythe best friend and i know you're bond is something i can't compete with, you're always going to be the one she goes to when she's upset or sad or disappointed or whatever and honestly i'd come to you too... you're a rock for the both of us, we love you endlessly, she's just too scared to lose you to be honest with you... i'm scared to, i am, but i want you to fight and i know you will fight if you know the truth right from the start..." he said.
Silent tears streamed down my face, I was tired, so quickly that feeling of wanting to let go, that i had when i was in the hospital the first time, came back again.
"Sylvia! You're awake!" Eve said looming in from the door "oh sorry I... hey, are you okay..."
"I will go check on Sarah... again" Peter said leaving me and Eve alone.
"What... what's going on?"
"I'm... hum... I might be losing my one good kidney and that would leave me with zero kidneys which as you might've figured out already is not good" I said fighting back tears.
"oh... oh my god i... i don't know what to say... what can i do for you? can i help?" she said lightly touching my hand.
"you... you can be my friend..." i squeezed her hand a little.
"of course i can be your friend... listen i know you're scared but i also know that you will survive this. I haven't known you long but i see how strong you are... God I was about to call you to yell at you for disappearing on me and not replying to my calls when i knew you were in the hospital" she chuckled softly.
"oh... I had to help you clean up your mom's apartment... I remember that... Sorry, guess i've been busy" I said making her laugh a little.
"yeah... no it's okay... i got it done" she smiled "everything hers worth keeping it's stored in a garage so you can have a look at everything when you're doing better"
"if..."
"no... you will, you have to, i didn't win you the custody of your daughter back for you to die on me"
"it's not like i'm doing it on purpose..."
"yeah so don't... do you think there's a chance i could be your donor if i get tested?" she asked.
I looked at her with eyes wide open, I couldn't let her do that.
"absolutely not, this is not even up for discussion" i said.
"i wasn't asking you permission, but your opinion"
"we're not even related it's practically impossible"
"but not totally..."
"there's a very thin line" i said "i'm not letting you do that... admitting i do need a kidney in the end i don't need yours"
"we'll see when we know if you actually need it or not"
"no absolutely not"
"okay okay don't freak out now, let's just not think about it" she said holding my hand.
"i'm sorry you had to go through your mom's stuff alone..."
"well you had a very good excuse for not helping me..."
"still i feel like i should've been there..."
"yes... but i'm much happier that you're alive..."
"I remember you leaving the courthouse with a guy... is it right?"
"yeah... no that one didn't work out..."
"what... it's been like 5 days..."
"he doesn't know yet..."
"oh cruel... poor guy"
"i didn't feel the famous spark and honestly i think i wanna date a woman next..."
"ooh i see" i said "are you sure?"
"any tips..."
"only woman i've actually been with is Sarah... I don't think i can give relationship advices"
"believe me i wish i had something like the two of you have"
"something that almost gets you killed once a year?"
"no something like the way she looks at you and you look at her, there is so much love and admiration it's hard not to perceive it... the way she's frail when you are but she's also twice as fearless because she has to protect you... I don't even know how to explain it it's just something everyone sees when they look at you"
"Hello, hello ladies" B voice announced entering the room. I saw she was pushing sarah's bed.
"out already? so early after she just woke up?" i asked her wondering if getting her out of the ICU was a good idea.
"you're not her doctor, once again... don't make me repeat myself" she scoffed.
"fine..." i said "sarah, babe, how are you?"
"mmh i'm okay, still a little bit confused" she said.
"i know, everything's going to be better tomorrow"
"right... i slept for days but i feel like i could sleep even more" she said.
"you can sleep, you can sleep as much as you want, gain your strength back"
"yeah" she said.
"i'm going to go, i am so glad that you are both alive and please keep it like this..." Eve said.
"yeah, we will try" I said as i watched her get up to leave.
"oh, when will you leave new york?"
"hum... i don't think i will... i was thinking about staying"
"oh my, that would be great"
"i know... i'm still thinking about it though... you just get back on your feet as soon as possible" she said.
"i am going to do my best" i said and she kissed my cheek before leaving.
Once we were alone i held my hand out to Sarah,
"so you have to help me pulling these beds closer" i said "Vanessa you can push mummy's bed towards mine okay?"
"yes" she said ready for action.
We actually managed to bring them close enough for Vanessa to crawl up in bed between us.
I hugged them both "ugh i missed my girls so much" i exhaled.
"i missed you too mommies"
"i missed you too... but i dreamt of you the whole time" Sarah said.
"mmh were those nice dreams?" i asked.
"yeah very nice"
"tell us what you dreamed about mummy"
"I dreamed... that we were all on vacation together it italy... Mommy was being a real nice host taking us to the beach every day and i would watch you two having your swimming lessons from a real nice and comfy deck chair with a drink in one hand a book in the other. Then we would go out to dinner in some nice, true Italian restaurant and we'd taste the most delicious italian cuisine and after dinner we would all go out for a walk near the sea or, even better, in the sand with our only source of light being the moonlight..."
"That's really nice..." i sighed.
"We can do everything you dreamed when we go to italy then... Mommy can teach me how to swim and we could go to the restaurant and all that when you're both doing better and we can finally go..." Vanessa said and she sounded so full of hope I felt the lump forming in my throat.
"Yes baby... of course we can do that..." I said and kissed her forehead.
"Babe are you okay?" Sarah asked, of course she had just woke up but she still knew better than anyone.
"yeah... i am just... so happy that you're both here and that you're both okay" I said and that was true, I was so relieved both of them where out of danger.
"I am so happy... when you were both in surgery i felt so alone... I had never been on my own since i've been with you and it was so scary that one of you or both of you could die and i would've been alone again..." Vanessa said and a few tears escaped her eyes.
"hey baby girl... look at me, okay? I am here, mummy is here, we're going to be okay..."
She looked at me for a while not uttering a single word and I couldn't help but wonder what was crossing her mind.
"promise?" she asked faintly.
I hesitated for a second, I didn't know if i could promise that... When it came to winning a court case I could hire the best lawyer and hope for the best but when it came to surviving to kidney failure... twice... It was a hard promise to make.
Nevertheless i couldn't say anything but yes, she was happy she had her moms again and I sure was going to do my best and my best usually won.
"Yes baby... promise" i said.
"thank you..." she said hugging me.
"i love you so much... Now you have... hum... you have to go find B and you have to go home with her. Her shift is almost over." I said.
"but i thought i could stay with you..." Vanessa said.
"oh no baby, there's no need for you to stay here, you need to sleep in a comfortable bed and rest properly" Sarah backed me up.
"i am comfortable here with you..."
"we'd be much more comfortable knowing that you're with someone we trust and that can take proper care of you since at the moment we can't do that..." I said.
"but i could take care of you if i stay..." she said.
"oh trust me you'll do plenty of that when we all can go home" I said.
"Yeah you'll take so much care of us you're going to wish you could've stayed at B's" Sarah said.
Vanessa still didn't want to go so i just decided i was going to be more clear "baby girl we're not abandoning you, you're coming here again tomorrow morning anyway and so any other morning until we're able to go home again" I said.
"okay but-"
"no buts baby girl.." Sarah said.
"fine..." Vanessa scoffed.
"hey... you know we only want what is best for you don't you?" i asked.
"yeah, i know that" she said.
"good... then give me a kiss" i said and she gave me a little peck on my cheek and did the same to Sarah.
"Hey guys... i'm sorry to interrupt, Vanessa are you ready?" B entered the room. She seemed awkward, as if she was embarrassed, but if i knew B, embarrassed was something she rarely was.
"yeah..." Vanessa got down the bed to collect her backpack.
"B you okay?" i asked.
She jumped like she wasn't expecting the question and that alerted me even more "Yes, just a bit tired, you know how it is" she said.
"yeah... i guess... hum well then rest and let Peter drive you home"
"nah, he drives like my 90 years old gradma" she chuckled.
"hey no illegal races with my daughter in the car"
"what do you know in a few years she'll be the one driving" she said and seemed more like the friend i knew so that reassured me a little.
"quite a few... now go home and rest and we'll see you tomorrow" I said and me and Sarah both waved them goodbye.
"Hey babe..." Sarah said holding my hand to try calling for my attention but she already had it.
"hey..." i said "what?" i asked getting from her face that something was off.
"is..." she took the deepest breath she could without hurting herself "is something wrong... i mean, with your health" She took me completely by surprise, I wouldn't have thought that she could've known since she woke up after me and Peter only talked to me in private.
"no, I... Where did you get that?"
"i saw you hesitating on a promise you could've made even more easily than last time so what is going on?" she said.
"huh... I... Peter told me that they think the bullet might have damaged my kidney..." I said as i figured i couldn't lie, nor i wanted to.
"How is that possible, I took it, didn't I?" she asked with glossy eyes.
I shook my head and carefully uncovered my wound.
"Oh my god... I'm so sorry... how... We both got hurt.."
"he was too close... it pierced right through you... I'm so sorry you should've never done that.." I cried "You got hurt and all your suffering is useless anyway"
"he was about to shoot you in the head..." she stated just like that "Vanessa practically dragged him down and made him lose his balance while i was running to you and he missed the shot, but he was aiming to kill you..." she said.
"I... I didn't know... I..."
"do you understand now that i had to try to save you?"
"no if anything i know that you endangered your life for me even more... I am very grateful Sarah but you scared me so much..."
"I had to try..." she said with tears in her eyes.
"hey... i'm here for now, i'm here" I said taking her hand in mine.
"I can't believe we're at this point again... just this time it's even worse" she cried.
"Hey look at me" i said kissing her hand until she looked up at me "I am here and I am going to stick around as long as I can... Do you hear me? I will do everything that's possible and beyond... I am not ready to not be with you anymore" I said.
"There's something different in you..." she said scrutinizing me like the information she was looking for was written somewhere on my face.
"what..."
"i don't know, but i know you will fight, i wasn't sure the first time..."
"it was different... I thought I didn't have anything to fight for, you were gone and i was... I thought that maybe dying would've been less painful" I sighed "Now i have all that I have ever wanted in life, i have a beautiful family, a beautiful girlfriend and an amazing daughter and my dream job all by the age of 25... Leaving... dying and leaving this behind is surely more painful than any amount of physical pain i'm ever going to feel"
She was looking at me with an unrecognizable expression "what sarah?!"
"I... hum... I just saw someone.." she smiled a little because she knew that was not enough for me to understand "I saw a girl I met a little while ago... I hadn't bumped into her in a while... I always get glimpses of her but then she just disappears until i get another glimpse but now she's here and i'm happy to see her..."
"what are you trying to say..."
"i'm saying you've fought many battles but ever since the kidney failure I have seen you go through everything bad that happened to us with your head down hoping it would pass soon while before that i had seen you scared but you never let fear hold you back. I have seen you... I know you have that in yourself, I know you can fight and I am glad that you know too... again"
"you know you're the reason... so please no more crazy jumping in front of people with guns... I need you alive" I said doing my best to hold her without hurting her.
"god no... hopefully we're going to be okay"
"we're going to be okay" I echoed her.
We stayed one in the other's arms until we fell asleep and I felt so at peace like nothing bad could happen in that moment.

A/N I'm so sorry for the long wait... I even feel like saying i'm sorry doesn't even mean anything anymore because i do this every time😫 This chapter was particularly difficult to write because my first take was completely different from what you read now... i hope i was not wrong and maybe if someone wants me to i could still publish the first version i had written but anyway i hope you enjoyed it and... see you on the next chapter (in a month or so lol, sorry)