Painting this canvas with the colors of our love

There is nothing as important as you are to me

I was more and more acclimatizing and finding again my fellow students had been so stimulating that I had studied a lot to make the most of the days when I could not see Sarah because she was too busy filming, but finally the weekend had arrived and we had planned to be together. she would have picked me up and we would have gone out for dinner together after work but she didn't know that I was going to surprise her with an Italian dinner, cooked by a real Italian. After the class I had been studying with Peter and Blythe, I had learned Micheal wasn't the "study group" kind of person so he was with us just for the lessons and with me for the training in the ward. However he was really smart, just a little strange even though he understood people very well.
I reached Sarah's house after having done the shopping for our dinner, I struggled to find the keys with my hands full of bags, when I finally found them I managed to open the door, but what I saw was not what I had expected to find.
The keys fell from my hands in surprise and fright as I did not expect to find anyone.
"Sylvia..." Sarah was now looking at me with her eyes wide open looking at all the groceries and other stuff on the floor in front of her entrance.
"Do not say a single word, please don't even try... I'm done now" I said as anger, disappointment and exhaustion exploded in my chest.
"No Sylvia please it's not as you may think" I heard her saying but I was already running down the stairs towards the road and I didn't want to see her. My mind was clouded, my chest was aching so bad it was hard to breathe and I thought I could throw up.
How could she do this to me? A few weeks and she was already tired of me. I knew it was too good to be true, too good to happen to me but now that I had felt the happiness to leave her in that way was even worse, I hid behind the corner of the building and burst into tears. They were now outside too and I could hear Sarah crying but Holland had already left because I couldn't hear any other voice than Sarah's calling out my name, all of a sudden my phone rang and before I could find it to close the call Sarah had already found me.
"Please Sylvia, come inside and let me explain" she said gasping for the ride down the stairs.
"There is nothing to explain I saw everything clearly with my eyes" I said crying louder "I love you, I would have done anything for you... but this is too much, I just can't take it" I tried to say but my breath was becoming heavier and I felt so lightheaded that I couldn't even stand up on my own.
"I'm sorry... oh hey I got you okay? but you're coming home with me now" Sarah said and at that point I could not rebel and I could not leave. I began to feel better once I was away from the crowd and the noise of the streets.
"How could you do this... why... I would have preferred to be left before, I never stopped you from going back with her if that was what you wanted" I said in despair and with the few remaining forces.
She was now crying too because i could sense her tears wetting my hands that she was holding.
"I'm sorry Sylvia I know i hurt you so bad, i didn't mean to do it, she had only come to get her things back..." she sobbed.
"You've had her things in your car for like a month, why were you in this fucking house kissing then?!" I cried out in anger, violently moving her hands from above mine.
"She said she was feeling dizzy and I was worried so I made her come in to drink a glass of water" she explained.
I had reached the apex of pain, my chest was about to explode and I believed that soon my heart would be broken, breathing became increasingly difficult because now the sobs were too frequent to let me get air so that I couldn't even talk but just whisper "why did you do this to me" all over again with my face buried on her shoulder.
"Please calm down Sylvia, please I need you, I need to talk to you" she was saying stroking my hair but every word I heard was like a stab in my back.
"I can't... I can't right now, you destroyed me Sarah... in the worst way you could have done it, please I just want to go home, I need to go home" I begged her to let me go.
"I can't let you go it's too late and you can't breathe nor walk properly" she said locking the door and keeping both of our keys in her pocket "I'm sorry".
"Maybe you should worry about not kissing other people while you're with me so you don't have to see me sick" I yelled angrily at her.
"I deserve it... I know I deserve it but at least you're safe" she was sobbing desperately sitting on the floor in front of me.
I couldn't stand to see her beautiful face ruined by tears but the thought that she was suffering too made me think that at least she knew how I felt. I could not say a word so much was the shock that devastated me but at a certain point I could no longer keep it inside so I rushed to the bathroom and I threw up until I took off that weight. In a hurry I stand up and get out the bathroom not minding my headache and the continuous tears streaming down that I couldn't control.
She was just sitting there huddled on the couch, I understood that she wanted to disappear and that she felt sick. But I wanted this, she had to understand the evil she had done to me, at least for a minute I wanted to make her feel my pain, but I couldn't so I passed in front of her ignoring her and I took the bottle of tequila that she kept in the kitchen pouring in a full glass and emptying it a few seconds later. Actually it took me three of four of these glasses to start feeling a bit of relief and to make me stop crying. Without even the tears and sobs to block my breath I felt a terrible feeling of emptiness, she was now sitting in front of me pouring herself a glass of tequila.
"It works..." she sighed in relief stretching her hands to take mine but i managed to move in time.
"Don't... Please, just don't..." I tried saying but my voice cracked again.
"What are you thinking about... Please let me in... I just want to answer all that billion questions you've had in your mind" she said coming on my side of the table.
"I can't... do this now... I don't want to say anything I could regret later" I told her.
"You could say I am a fucking bastard and this won't change a thing because I really do love you... This was something out of my control, I couldn't know she was planning to kiss me..." she said and this time i let her hug me but didn't hug her back.
"At least you could have made her understand that she shouldn't have tried, that now there was someone else for you and that her chance was lost, but I wonder why you didn't and this is what destroys me much more than the act of that damn kiss itself" I said fighting the tears back with every energy I was left "I changed everything in my life just for you, I left my family, the few friends I had made, just for you... I moved my whole life here once again just to be with you, because you were all I had ever dreamed of, I constantly lie to the other guys when I say I can't stay with them to study after class, but I do it for you, because there is nothing as important as you are to me... but I see it's not the same for you." I said and as I finished I felt even more empty, she didn't reply but cried on my shoulder.
The evening ended with an empty bottle of tequila, i was so drunk i couldn't even read my own thoughts i just felt a urge to kiss her and feel her between my arms like you feel the need to breathe again as long as you are underwater. I touched her face, she was almost asleep but woke up at my touch "What... What are you doing..." She said in a sleepy and drunk voice but I shut her up "Shut up... I was trying to hate you but I couldn't so i guess I have no chance but learn to love you again" I said kissing her hardly trying to fill the void I had been feeling since I realized what had happened. Our tongues intertwined and our tears were mixing up together as we were holding tighter than ever on each other, I had never felt so distant from her even though I tried in every way to keep her closer. I broke our kiss when my sobs became unbearable again but she didn't let go of me, she just sat I put my head on her thighs crying my heart out. She remained there stroking my hair, drying with her hands every tear that streaked my cheeks and before falling asleep from exhaustion I heard her whispering into my ear "I love you Sylvia I hope you will forgive me someday"
When I got up I tried my best to improve the appearance of my face and cover those swollen and red eyes with makeup and absolutely superfluous sunglasses, I got a blanket to cover Sarah up as I had a sense she hadn't slept all night and then left her house to go to the hospital where another day of training was waiting for me.

I know I haven't been posting on time but I have been on holiday with my friends to Pisa in Italy so I didn't have much time to write, I only managed to come up with this, but I hope you'll appreciate it anyway, also thank you so so so much for almost 500 views 😍🥺😭❤️