Painting this canvas with the colors of our love

Don't leave

I really hope this is appropriate enough or I may have some problems tonight...
I thought while watching that one-shoulder deep blue long dress on my bed.
I felt so stupid when i put that in my suitcase but fortunately I did. I was happy even though I know I wasn't going to see her never again but I wanted to make the most of every moment I still had with her.
I get ready and I start typing her a message to say I am ready but I don't even have the time to send it that she sends me a picture, it's the entrance of the hotel so I just threw my phone in my clutch and walked out of the hall.
She was on the sidewalk so beautiful in that purple long dress.
"You look gorgeous" I said and i noticed she was looking at me from bottom to top "what? Is there something wrong?" I continued not really sure why she was looking at me that way.
"No, not at all, you are beautiful" she said finally "Let's go now" she said and I open the door of the car for her to step in first.
"So where are we going?" I ask her curiously.
"You will see, it's not very far actually" she said being mysterious.
"Oh that's a good thing because I am literally dying to know it" I said.
"Oh c'mon don't you trust your Cordelia?" She said making fun of me.
"Cordelia wouldn't be so mean to me" I said.
"Hahah my poor little witch... Just get off the car because we arrived" she said laughing
"Are you going to take me to a museum?" I asked.
I'd been living in New York for a few months but obviously I didn't get to know all the secret spots this city had to offer because they really were too many.
"In a sense, yes, I am taking you to a museum" She said keeping that sense of mystery alive.
"And in another sense?" I asked as she was holding the door open for the both of us but as I got in I was astonished by the beautiful frescoes covering the high vaulted roofs and all around us the walls were covered by shelves of ancient books.
"Oh darling I'm so sorry you didn't like it" she said as she was looking at my delighted expression and laughing.
"Would you please stop doing that?" I asked laughing.
"Okay, okay... what do you want to drink?" She said
"Uhm I don't know I'll trust your choice" I said as I walked to go get a table for us.
I sat down waiting for her and I noticed some musician were preparing their instruments and I thought it was a jazz band.
"You're spoiling miss Paulson, cocktails, jazz music, and your company" I said
"I'm glad you liked it" she said softly touching my bare shoulder and sitting down
"So what did you say you do in your life?" She continued.
"I don't think I said that actually... I'm a student" I said casually mixing my cocktail with the straw.
"Oh and what are you studying then?" She asked with curiosity
I took a long sip of my Negroni before answering that, "Medicine" i said shortly looking at her.
"It takes bravery to do this, I guess" she said but she didn't seem to be really convinced she said the right thing
"It wasn't because of my disease I chose medicine... Actually I got sick during my first year so I had to quit NYU and go back home to figure out what I had" I explained to her
"You were studying here in New York?! I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to accept but you proved you are a strong woman." She said intertwining her fingers with mine and resting our hands on the thigh.
"How do you know that?" I asked while drinking the last few sips of my cocktail
"I know. It must have been hard to continue studying to help others just after life had been hitting you so hard and if you did you must be a strong and good young woman" she paused sipping her drink
I was looking at her while my cocktail was beginning to work.
How can a woman be this good? She doesn't have any flaws, she is just perfect being herself in every moment, she is so genuine and true you can clearly read that in her eyes.
"I said you were something special when I first met you and you are now endorsing my thought and you should be proud because if I could understand your soul from a single painting I saw it's because your art speaks for you and so will your actions when you will finally be a doctor because you don't hide the good that's in your soul"
What did I do to deserve all this? I feel like I'm in heaven.
Before I can realize that she is holding my hand tighter and my cheeks are wet
"No one ever said such beautiful things to me..." I said trying to stop me from crying "And you still don't understand why your fans are completely crazy for you" I said wiping away the tears and as I spoke so she touched my face gently wiping the few left tears with her thumb letting me rest my head on her shoulder.
We were both on our fourth or fifth cocktail and I had already lost track of time, she had a stronger effect on me than alcohol.
"I need to go out for a minute.." I said getting up of my chair
"Do you want me to come?" She asked
"I'd love so".
She smiled and followed me outside in a little smoking area but there was no one.
"Did I do something wrong or...?" She asked not sure what was going on
"No you didn't do anything wrong, it's just me... first of all i think I drank too much.." I said
"Uh thank god I thought I was the only one a little drunk here" She joked
"And... you know you are the first person to know all this shit about me. Do you mind?" I said showing her a cigarette "Just to let you know I'm not perfect" I added.
"No, and I'm sorry if somehow I forced you to do something, it wasn't my intention"
"I wanted to tell you, because I trust you and I know you wouldn't judge me or be sorry for me" i said looking at her.
Before I could even light my cigarette she kissed me. I was thrilled, I couldn't even move but all the pain had left, there was just her slowly kissing me with one hand caressing my cheek. But all of a sudden an horrible thought crossed my mind, I sadly broke our kiss even though there's was nothing I needed more in that moment.
"Sarah please, you're drunk and I don't want you to be in trouble with Holland because of me" as I said that I saw her beautiful eyes filled with tears so I just followed my instinct and hugged her. I couldn't resist seeing her so broke, she was crying louder now with her face hiding between my neck and my shoulder.
"I'm sorry I promise I won't tell anyone, it doesn't mean anything tomorrow I'll go back home and you will go on with your life with her... nothing to cry for" I said even though I didn't want to leave her and I was trying not to burst into tears too.
"It's not about that..." she cried "we broke up"
"What?" I said confused "then why are you crying?" I asked her trying to hide the relief I was feeling.
"I don't want you to leave" she was desperately crying so I tried to calm her first
"Can you look at me just a moment?" I asked her framing her face with my hands "Just calm down, breath with me and then we can talk" I said, her beautiful eyes still filled with tears told me she was completely drunk while I was stone cold sober after that kiss...
"Please don't go away..." she said right before falling asleep on my shoulder.
I'd been dreaming for this moment many times but none of those resembled to what has just happened... Okay miss Paulson let's get to the car first and then I'll figure out what to do with you.
I was scared I didn't want to take her to the hotel because I didn't want anyone to see her like that, but I didn't know where she lived and she was gone to dreamworld so I couldn't even ask her... I hoped I wasn't going to do something stupid but I drove her car to my grandparents apartment hoping they weren't already asleep but it was still early so my grandma was surely going to be up...
Now that the car is parked I ring my grandma... Please please please answer...
"Sylvia! What the hell are you doing?! I was sleeping on the sofa, you scared me! However how are you honey?"
"Grandma! Thank God you answered.. Can I come up? I am with a friend and she is a little bit drunk and I didn't want to go to the hotel just in case she feels bad I don't want to be alone" I said trying to be convincing.
"Of course you can come in I'm going to open you the door" she said
"Thank you, I love you"
I tried to talk to Sarah but she didn't seem to hear me.
"Sarah, love,can you get out of the car?" I tried asking her but she was still game over so I just took her inside trying to carry her body without hurting her.
"She fell asleep" I tell my grandma "where can she sleep?"
"Oh poor girl, give her your mother's room at least she can have a bed" she said and fortunately she doesn't watch too many tv shows...
As I lied her down on the bed she tried to say a few words I didn't understand.
"Sarah I didn't understand what you said"
"Don't leave me alone..." she whispered
"I won't" I whispered in her ear "I could never leave you"
I sat on the bed next to her holding her hand to look after her in case she needed anything.
"You can take the sofa if you need it honey" my grandma whispers from the door
"Thank you but I think that I'll sleep here just in case, goodnight" I said
She smiled and went to bed. So we were finally alone, of course it could have been better if she hadn't been completely drunk and asleep in my mother's old room but she was also beautiful and I was happy to take care of her because she would have done that for me.
I noticed she had agitated sleep so I just lied down next to her trying to comfort her holding her and caressing her hair.
She whispered disconnected sentences that I, of course, didn't understand. I knew so much about her as a fan but this is actually so little. It was like what I knew was the upper part of the iceberg while there was a world underwater that I hadn't known since that little talks in her sleep and I was craving to know more and more about her.
The rest of the night, by the way passed in relative calm, as she would have slept all night long if it wasn't for a couple of times she threw up in my grandparents toilet.
Somehow when she appears to be calm again and I could not keep my eyes open anymore I fall asleep next to her at 6 in the morning.
When I wake up I immediately realize what had happened a few hours before so I look for her but there's just me in the room. I hear someone talking from the kitchen and I realize what was happening so I jump off of the bed and I run into the kitchen and find my grandma and Sarah talking like they were two old friend.
"'Morning" I stated to make them notice I was there too.
"'Morning honey do you want a cup of tea? I just made it for Sarah" my grandma asks me while kissing me on the forehead.
"Oh please, did you forget already?" I said faking to be offended about what she had just said.
"'Course I didn't, just checking if you were fine" she said laughing "Espresso is coming for my favorite grandchild" she continued
"Don't tell my brother then if it's true" I mocked her
"He never comes visiting with you" she said sadly
"He will I promise I'll take him too next time. So how long have you two been talking?"
"Oh I was just telling your grandma the amazing thing you did for me"
"For God sake can I know what I fucking did too?" I whispered to Sarah and fortunately I knew my grandma couldn't hear that because she was a little deaf.
"You know the fact you convinced me not to give up university. I wouldn't have continued it if it wasn't for you, really I owe you everything."
"OH" I said almost choking myself with my coffee "Yes, how could I forget.."
At least being an actress is helping us because I don't have any idea how to explain you being with with me and drunk yesterday.
"Ok I need the bathroom now and then I'll go home I have already profited of you enough" Sarah said
"Don't even say that my dear, my grandchildren's friend are my friend too" my grandma said.
"No it's true you know I'm sorry I had to wake you up tonight... We'll leave you rest now, I'll go back to the hotel because I have to get my stuff ready and go to the airport" I said while Sarah was in the bathroom so that she couldn't hear me.
"If that's it, you are already going back come give me a hug, I don't know when are we going to see each other next time" my grandma said looking so sad it hurt me too and so i hugged her tightly.
"So are we ready to go?" Sarah said to me "Sylvia where are my car keys, I'll get you a lift to the hotel so that we can say goodbye before you leave" She said her voice lightly trembling.
"Sure here you are" I said handing her the keys.
"So you're still going to leave..." She said while we were in the car
"I mean... What can I do? It's insane... You were drunk I thought you didn't really mean what you..." I tried to say but before I could finish she kissed me hardly, willingly now that she was sober... but then she stopped
"I meant every word I said... Holland is not my problem anymore I just wanted to kiss you yesterday and so I did, somehow I knew you wanted it too, and I want to kiss you so many times from now on but I never want to kiss you goodbye, I don't think I could be able to resist all that distance between us. Just saying that maybe things could work for you here now that you can count on me while you were alone the first time, I'll always be here for you" She said as I was completely lost in her words, it didn't seem real she was really saying all that to me...
"Just give me a moment I slept like 2 or 3 hours I am tired and confused, I need to sort some things out" I said and I was really beginning to feel bad, this was all too much for me to take at a single time.
"I'll drive you to the airport if you decide to... you know" she said but she couldn't even say the word 'leave' and my heart broke when I understood that.
I loved her but I couldn't be with her, she was the best human being I'd ever met but yet I couldn't just fuck everything up just to be with her... My family would have been destroyed if I did something like this but I didn't want to hurt anyone. Definitely things were taking a bad turn I couldn't have imagined even in my most imaginative dreams.
Let's begin from what I know for sure...
Do I love her? I do, I am madly in love
Do I want to be with her? There's nothing I could want more
Do I want to move all my life to other side of the world again? I already did it one time, who says I can't do it a second time.
Now I just have to figure out how to make things right before my plane takes off. Easy stuff. I guess I have no time to sleep then.

Sorry for the absence but I completely forgot to upload even though the chapter was ready like two days ago 🙈 Hope you'll like it and please let me know your opinions, bad or good ☺️☺️