Deceret Series #2: Bleed for Love

Chapter 7

"Do you think I should tell him?"

Humalumbaba si Shantel sa kitchen counter. She abandoned her books on the table and leaned against the marble, still deep in thoughts.

"Ano nga ulit yung rason mo kung bakit ayaw mong sabihin sa ex mo na boss mo ngayon na may anak ka sa kaniya?" her lips curl in a smirk.

I gave my best friend a deadpanned look.

"Come on, Shantel. You know about it already. Rigor exists in a whole different world. Kada galaw niya, may media na nakaabang. God knows what I'll do if unconsented pictures of my son circulate online. His fans might even attack him." My heart swells in anger just thinking about it. I couldn't even sleep properly for the past two weeks with the thought that someone is bullying my son. I want to go there and give them a piece of my mind. Parang gusto kong pumatol ng bata.

Tumango-tango si Shantel, sumasang-ayon.

"At isa pa..." bumagsak ang mga balikat ko. I buried the fact that he's going back to Baltimore after all of his affairs here. Hindi ko na kailangan pang itanong sa kaniya. This is not where he belongs. He can flourish his career abroad. He's too big for the cheap showbiz here in the country. "Aalis din naman siya."

"Gatekeeping your son from his father could do more damage than good, Czarina." mahinahon niyang wika. "I'm sorry, but I think your excuses are bullshit. Takot ka lang na ilayo ni Rigor sa iyo ang anak mo kapag nalaman niya..."

I bit my lower lip and turned away. I couldn't look at her in the eyes while she's slapping me with the truth. Inaatake na naman ng hapdi ang dibdib ko dahil alam ko, sa loob-loob, ito talaga ang tunay na rason.

I love Castian to death. I'll be dead if he's gone. He gave me so much hope, so much light, that the thought of giving him up to someone else leaves me breathless. I could feel the cold fear clawing at my throat, slicing at my skin. When I looked down, my hands are already trembling.

"Just take it slow, okay?" Shantel says softly, looking down at my trembling hands. She reached for my palm and gave it a squeeze. "If it's any consolation, Rigor doesn't seem the type to drag your son away from you. Of all the Treveron's, he's the most decent for me. I'm sure he'll take this as a rational adult. If not, don't worry because I'll make sure that the custody of your son remains yours."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "How are you gonna do that? Hindi ka pa naman abogado?"

"I have ways." She winks and throws her head back, laughing softly.

You mean you have Eros. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi upang pigilan ang sariling sabihin iyon sa kaniya. Tumango na lamang ako.

I rarely talked to Rigor for the past few days. He is busy painting for the upcoming exhibit. Some of his paintings from Baltimore were shipped and delivered today. I locked it in his office and tried to clean up after him when I'm done with the emails and his website.

Sumilip ako sa kaniya mula sa opisina. He is hunched over a huge canvas once again, his eyes sharp with focus, and his hands firm with expertise. He's wearing a paint-splattered overalls, pulled down to his torso, revealing a tight black wife beater shirt. He started wearing the suit after he ran out of jeans because he keeps on staining them. I thought he'd look ridiculous on it, but he's not. In fact, he looks like a tease. I could see the little skin beneath his shirt that disappears into the pulled down suit each time he stretches. Para akong tangang pinagpapantasyahan siya dito sa loob ng opisina. But he never once lifted his gaze on my direction, so I never really had a problem about it.

I tried to conjure the man I dated back then. He never really changed. None of his skyrocketing success clouded his perception. But it's hard to humble a man who is meant for fame and glory. Gatekeeping my son from him means letting him pour himself into the world. Is it really worth it?