The X-Factor Experience | L.S

Twenty Two: February

Harry wiggled his toes on the edge of Niall's bed, avoiding his friend's eyes.

"Again, I'm so sorry about neglecting you. I only did it because of how fucked up I've been feeling in the last couple of months," Harry mumbled. "You don't have to forgive me now. I just had to let you know that I don't hate you or anything..."

But Niall only waved his hand at Harry dismissively, just happy to see him.

"Nah, I get it, Har. I know you didn't intentionally try to avoid me. I want to be mad, but to be honest I'm just happy you're feeling better, " he said.

Harry looked up at him gratefully and they shared one of their dumb smiles.

Harry caught himself sniffing his own hair when it fell in his face. Was he weird for doing that? He'd forgotten how nice it smelled when it was new washed. It was all coconutty and soft. Niall made a move to stand up, stretching his limbs. "Let's get sushi."

Harry grinned. "Okay," he agreed, standing up as well.

Niall shuffled across the floor in search of his jacket and beanie. He found them and put them on, looking to Harry again. "Let's hope we don't bump into Louis at the beach again."

"I'd simply pass away," Harry laughed through the pain as they headed out the door, telling Niall's mum goodbye first.

He knew he actually would pass away from mortification if they did happen to see Louis again. The possibility of it happening had him almost nauseated. "Let's just not go to the beach," he said, thinking back to when he and Niall had bumped into Louis at the beach. 

Man, that was awkward.

Niall's large blue eyes were staring at him as he chewed on a salmon skin roll with a smile painted across his messy lips, cheeks puffed out much like a chipmunk. It was hard for Harry to suppress his laughter and not spit out the mouthful of rice he was in the middle of chewing himself.

"What?" Harry smiled. They were in possibly the cheapest sushi restaurant in the city, sitting across from each other around a small round table. I mean, come on, the restaurant was called Eat Me Rolls.

"What? What, what? A man can't appreciate the look of happiness on his friend's face? C'mon, I almost forgot what it looked like."

"I missed you too," Harry admitted genuinely, swallowing his sushi roll and fishing up another one with his chopsticks. Before he popped it in his mouth he said, "Now tell me why you're really smiling."

"Okay," Niall said with a roll of his eyes, clearly trying to look annoyed but the tug on the corner of his mouth betrayed him. "I'm seeing someone."

Harry almost choked on his food, going for a glass of water before exclaiming, "my God, that's great! How is she?"

"He," Niall corrected hesitantly.

Harry tilted his head, his smile growing wider. "How is he? How long have you been dating?"

"He's great. A few weeks. He makes me so happy," Niall dreamily uttered around a bite of rice. Harry noticed the way his eyes lit up like shimmering stars, his own eyes going round in surprise. Niall was usually never this happy about a boyfriend or girlfriend.

"You should meet him." 

"I would love to," Harry said, finishing up the very last piece of sushi. Niall pursed his lips together as if mad that Harry took it.

"Alright, then it's settled. This Friday, 4PM my place."

Harry's head snapped up, "but Friday's X Factor day..." he trailed off.

Niall pulled a face. "We'll watch it together then. But maybe try not to cry like you always do when you see Louis' face on screen."

The thought of Louis had his guts wrenching. His face flashed before him. Harry missed him deeply. And if he could turn back time and undo his embarrassing cringe actions and make everything back to the way it was, he would've done it in a heartbeat.

Which was weird because he barely knew the guy. Even though they'd spent practically months together, and that maybe they were a tad closer than the other contestants and judges were, Louis was just a crush. It wasn't like Harry loved him. He was just a sick obsession - a taste of something he would never have.

But this thought nagged him. If it was just a dumb crush, then why did it hurt even months later?

Maybe because he had looked up to him for so many years.

Maybe the loss of a role model was what hurt him, and not the loss of Louis as a person.

Even though Harry knew he was bullshitting himself, it made everything a whole lot easier for him if he just believed that white lie.

Because everybody else knew that Harry was in love. Everybody else saw the way the entirety of his face would glow when Louis would walk into the room, instantly elevating his mood. Everybody else saw the way his cheek would turn into a rosa colour whenever Louis served him a compliment. Everybody noticed Harry laughing a little too hard when Louis had told a joke. Everybody but himself.

Or, well, that's not fair. He did notice it. It would just be a whole lot easier to admit that he noticed it if he and Louis were on speaking terms right now. Maybe if Louis hadn't been an disgustingly famous star, Harry could admit it.

"No promises."

Niall waved over the waitress and asked for the check. He insisted that dinner was on him. Harry thanked him and tipped the waitress. They grabbed their jackets and went for a walk into the night.

The streets were alive, though. They always were. Music vibrated through the cold air, drunken people stumbling into other drunken people.

Harry felt a peaceful familiarity with walking next to Niall after having eaten about 30 sushi rolls. They always used to do this. They walked for a long while in silence while just enjoying the other's company.

"You know I don't buy the whole thing with 'Lark'," Niall suddenly said, making air quotes, to which Harry turned his head to fixate on him.

"Really? How come? I mean, me neither, but how come you don't?"

Niall shrugged, bringing an arm around Harry's figure. "Just seems kind of one sided, you know."

"That's what I said!"

Niall chuckled and rubbed the fabric of Harry's blue fleece jacket. "And everybody knows 'Larry' is a much better ship name. 'Lark' sounds so... plain. And clumsy."

Harry wanted to kiss Niall, "I couldn't agree more. Louis could do much better than Marmalade."

"Yeah. He could do you," Niall said with a playful wink. Harry just laughed, pushing Niall away from him.

"Don't be gross."

"That's like asking a bear not to be cute."

"Bears aren't cute."

Niall walked Harry home and they hugged goodbye on the porch. Harry walked into the dimmed house and up the stairs, keeping a smile on his face as he crawled under his covers and drifted off to sleep, excited to meet Niall's boyfriend soon.