✧𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁✧𝕁𝕖𝕗𝕗 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕜✧

💣🍒x-3.02-x🍒💣

January 4th
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·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚My Star˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

So that's it then. All over. No more Ari and Jeff. No more Jeff and Ari. No more Jeri. Just Ari. By herself. All by herself.

Tyla had to leave yesterday to go back home to Pennsylvania for good. She said to text her if I need anything but it's not the same when she can't physically do anything and besides I didn't expect her to do anything. She has her family to look after.

It was 3 days later since Jeff and I broke up. I haven't spoken to any of the squad. They all have been texting, calling and even dm'ing me, I've just not had the motivation to talk to them. I'm assuming they all knew cause if they really needed me for something they'd visit, so again I'm just assuming that they are giving me space, which is nice of them but a shoulder to cry on would be great. That's all I've been doing for the past 3 days. I've been on the sofa with both dogs, because Jeff still hasn't picked up Nerf or any of his things that he left, and cried all day long. I've barely eaten anything over the past few days too, it even came to the point where Tyla almost missed her flight because she had to watch me eat something before she left.

I've changed my pyjamas and had showers but only cause that's basic hygiene, however they still don't stop me from crying. Everything takes ten times longer because of the amount of tears I cry an hour. I've tried putting on makeup but I just get frustrated and end up giving up, then you never guess what I do after....cry.

I just hope he doesn't break the trust we have between us and sell me out. He seems to be not doing that anyway though, I've had no one message me on Instagram or tweet at me asking if Jeff and I still together. The #Jeri tweet is still trending. Not as much as when we initially announced but it's still around. I wish it wasn't. Every time I see a tweet I've been tagged in, it has that hashtag. #Jeri this, #Jeri that. It just makes it a lot harder seeing other people so happy for you and genuinely glad that we both fell in love, when in reality, that love is no more?

The reason why I question it is because I don't think I could ever love a man like I loved Jeff. Like I say repeatedly, he is different, he understands, he has always been there when I needed him most. Perhaps not always, I need him now...but I guess that doesn't count.

But at the end of the day, I miss him. I miss having someone I can talk to everyday. I miss someone to do things with. I just miss him. I can deal with losing friends, yes it hurts but you can find new ones and I can deal with losing a partner but Jeff is different, he was the salt to my pepper, the stick to my leaf, the star to my galaxy....however, when it comes to stars they are meant to be loved from a distance and that's what I need to come to terms with.

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