✧𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁✧𝕁𝕖𝕗𝕗 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕜✧

🍒💣x-2.04-x💣🍒

November 9th
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·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ Antidepressants ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

'Quitting?! What do you mean she's quitting?!' David exclaimed as he got up from the sofa and walked towards the kitchen.

'She said she is quitting YouTube and just going to focus on family from now on.' I say.

After Tyla had told me she was quitting YouTube, her Uber came. She told me that we can talk more about it later, as she didn't want me to bump off Jeff, which all honesty Jeff could have waited, but she insisted. So I rang Jeff and he came in my car to pick me up. He knew I was upset by my plain expression as I entered the car. He asked if I was ok which I completely lied, as I smiled and nodded, but eventually he got it out of me before we made it to David's.

'I can't believe it. She was doing so well.' Natalie added.

'Yeah I know, but if that's what she wants then....'

'How do you feel about?' Natalie questioned.

'Erm...I don't know...it's like I'm losing everything. Carmen and Destiny, the tour, the house and now Tyla.'

'Wait so you're selling the house?' Jeff asked.

'Yeah....that's what we all agreed on.' I say softly as I sink into David's sofa, bringing my hands towards my face. 'If it don't rain, it fucking pours.'

'Hey.' Jeff says coming closer to me. 'You are going to be ok. Everything will work itself out and you are going to do amazing things whether that be with YouTube or your singing, maybe your friends won't be there along the way, but you have us now. We are here for you. No matter how big, no matter how small. I am here for you.'

I feel Jeff's big hands take my hands away from my face, which showed my watery eyes. Jeff pulled me up out of the dent in the sofa, that I made with my body and sat me on his lap. As soon as our legs connected, tears began to stream down my face. Jeff held me tightly and cradled me, whilst Natalie got up and went to the kitchen. She cane back with a bottle of water, placing it on the coffee table. Just before she sat down she softly ran her fingers through my hair.

'Thank you.' I say as I push myself up and grab the water. 'I'm sorry guys. Every time you see me, I'm crying.'

'No don't be stupid.' David giggles. 'Anxiety is a bitch. But just know I've always got you.' He smiles, which Natalie nods along, agreeing with his statement.

'I just feel like when one thing goes right for me, at least 10 other things go wrong. It's exhausting. I feel like I have to prove myself and act as if I'm doing ok.'

'You are amazing as you are. You don't need to prove your worth. I know we all feel the way you feel sometimes but we don't express it as much as you. To you, crying may seem like a sign of weakness, but it's really not. Crying is what makes you stronger. Expressing your feelings, makes your more powerful.' Natalie smiles.

*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

After our multiple chats on mental health and our big discussion on different types of junk food, Jeff and I left. We was going back to his apartment so I could drop him off and the only reason why he wasn't staying at the house or I wasn't staying with him was that I really wanted to have a chat with Tyla, to see where her head is at, with everything she's deciding on doing.

'Hey you're going the wrong way.' Jeff says as I take a left instead of turning right.

'I need to go to Pharmacy.'

'What for?'

'Just for....Erm....birth control.' I smile.

'But....'

'I still need to take it just in case.'

As you may have known I was driving, due to the fact that I had to go to the Pharmacy as I was already 2 days late in getting my prescription, which might honestly be the reason why I had a breakdown earlier. I wasn't actually getting birth control. I was getting antidepressants, also known as happy pills.

The reason why I lied to Jeff was because I didn't want him to worry about me and me taking my pills, but it's not like I wasn't pretty good at keeping up with taking them. I had been taking them ever since Josh. Being anxious and sad all the time wasn't a nice feeling, so that's why I decided to take them.

I thought long and hard about telling Jeff, but my life was getting a lot better and I was getting happier, so I chose not to. But now everything is crashing down on me again, I debated on telling him, but stuck with my original decision.

To be honest, it's not any of his concern whether I take them. It's my health and my mental state, so at the end of the day it comes down to my judgment and I know how my body works.

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