hate to love you | 2min

twenty-six.

seungmin hears a knock on his door, slightly confused considering it was almost midnight. he quietly looks through the peephole only to see familiar head of hair. he quickly opened the door to the shaking body.

"hey, what's up? come inside."

the person didn't say anything in return, not even lifting their head as they took a step inside.

"hellooo? what are you acting all mysterious for? oh my god, don't tell me you lost your voice?" seungmin attempted to joke as the other just continued to stand and slightly shake. seungmin didn't think it was that cold outside though.

"seungmin-ah..."

the smile immediately dropped from the younger's face as he heard hyunjin's fragile voice.

hyunjin looked up with red teary eyes and a pained smile.

"what is it, baby?" seungmin said as he reached to hold his boyfriend's face.

hyunjin immediately reacted by blocking seungmin's touch, gently swatting his hands away. seungmin retracted his hands and his eyebrows knitted together.

"hyunjin, what's wrong? please tell me."

"minho..." hyunjin started, causing panic to quickly bubble up in seungmin's stomach.

"minho? what, did something happen to him? is he okay?" the younger said with wide eyes, words sounding frantic and rushed.

he was met with a laugh that ultimately made him more confused.

"he's just fine. great even. but something happened between you two, right?"

seungmin's stomach dropped even further, but not with panic. guilt, just pure guilt. he had tried playing it off before, claiming it was nothing or it didn't matter.

"h-hyunjin, what are talking ab-"

"i'm not clueless, seungmin. you're not m-mine.. anymore...am i right?"

seungmin couldn't do anything but stand there and stare into hyunjin's broken eyes. he knew and there's no point in trying to hide it.

seungmin must've been quiet for too long, given the way hyunjin bit his lip and looked down.

"i-i wonder...what happens when i'm not there? did he touch you here?" hyunjin reached for seungmin's shaking hand. holding hands normally was a source of comfort, but this time it felt cold and painful.

tears streamed down seungmin's cheeks as he struggled to maintain a steady breath. he begged his body to let him speak, but he couldn't.

"here?" hyunjin's fingertips gently touched seungmin's neck. the younger in return failed to keep in his quiet sob.

hyunjin wasn't doing any better, his eyes bright red and his lips practically raw from biting back his whimpers. his whole body only continued to shake and his throat felt tight and in pain.

"...and...f-fuck... what about here?" hyunjin let out a sob as his thumb touched seungmin's bottom lip.

seungmin also couldn't hold back anymore as he cried the loudest he's ever cried. he struggled to control his facial expression, but he didn't care at that moment. not when the boy he once loved with all his heart was in front of him like this.

"i-i'm sorry, hyunjin i'm so sorry."

he wanted to say more, he needed to say more. a simple "i'm sorry" isn't enough, hyunjin didn't deserve this.

"i want to say i understand and that i forgive you...but i can't. we were just fine, at least i thought we were? my two best friends...fuck." hyunjin stuttered through his words with glassy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"it isn't your fault, hyunjin. we fucked up and there's no excuse. whatever you're feeling is completely okay and i support whatever you choose to do."

"choose to do?"

"yeah, if you want to stop being friends or if you never want to see my face again. i'll support you no matter what, i can't even imagine the hatred you're feeling right now."

"hatred?... you know, it would be a lot easier to get over this if i could hate you. but no matter how hard i try, my heart can't help but flutter when i look at you. that's really unfortunate for me, huh?" hyunjin let out a bitter laugh.

he didn't know what to say to that, sorry doesn't make sense, but he can't think of anything else. instead, they looked into each others red eyes deeply. hyunjin's hands found their way to seungmin's cheeks. they were warm, seungmin wanted to sob all over again.

seungmin leaned into the touch, reaching for some sort of comfort. he watched as hyunjin slowly inched closer.

seungmin closed his puffy eyes as he felt hyunjin press his salty lips against his own. seungmin almost thought it felt empty of emotion, but that was far from the truth. it was empty of affection, love, and connection. but it was so full of fear and confusion.

once they parted, was it over? was it the official end of this chapter in their lives? seungmin knows they can't continue like this, it was already over a long time ago.

hyunjin was the first to pull away, but leaned his forehead on seungmin's shoulder.

"i'm not ready." hyunjin whispered so faintly seungmin almost missed it.

"you don't have to be."

"one night. one more night?"

"whatever you need."

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a/n: hiii i'm back!! i'm sorry for such an extended break </3 i also can't stick to a schedule anymore but i'll try for updating once a week still!

also!! thank you for 19k+ reads and 60+ followers <3