Hold on || dreamnotfound

chapter three

Dream's point of view

trigger warning: panic attack

I woke up by the sun shining through my windows. The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was how different my room looked. At first I couldn't figure out why, but then it hit me.

There was no mess anymore. My clothes were organized and didn't lie around everywhere anymore. There was no trash nor dust on the floor and everything looked clean.

Sapnap.

In this moment, all the memories from the past night were coming back. Sapnap! He had randomly appeared in my house. He had found me in the bathroom, where I had stayed after I had passed out. If only he knew that. He must've thought I was going insane. Who sleeps inside of his bathroom when there's a large bed in the other room?

The truth was, I just had been too exhausted to get up.

Embarrassment flushed through my veins as I remembered how I broke down in front of him. I had cried like a fucking baby. Not wanting to overthink the previous events anymore I slowly got up and left my room.

While heading downstairs, I noticed that my room wasn't the only thing Sapnap had cleaned up. Everything was tidy and all the blinds were opened, allowing the sun to lighten up the rooms.

The next thing I realized was Sapnap's absence. I was alone.

"Sap?", I asked, refusing to believe that he actually left me after I had cried into his shoulder for hours.

Maybe it had been too much. I shouldn't have revealed that much about my mental health. I must have scared him away. No wonder, he probably was overwhelmed as well.

But why did he clean up my house then?

He felt responsible.

Then why did he visit anyway?

He was hoping to find me being alright. I messed up. Again.

Before I could do anything to stop it, I found myself trembling as my breathing became more rapid. The panic rose in my chest as I doubled over, hitting the hard wooden floor with my knees. I started to feel more and more weak, the effort Sapnap put into me was useless. I would always stay a pathetic mess.

I felt like my chest tightened, keeping me from breathing normally. How did Sapnap calm me down again? Five things you can see.

In desperation, my gaze flickered through the room, trying to see past the blurriness of my eyes.

Come on, this has to work.

I couldn't focus on a single object to list up, which made me panic even more.

Okay, okay. Don't panic. Four things you can feel.

Angst. I looked down my body. The floor I was gripping on to. My clothes. Hands on my shoulder.

What?!

I turned my head as much as possible realizing there was someone kneeling behind me.

"Sap?", I managed to get out, my voice a harsh rasp.

"Shh, I'm here, Clay. Five things you can see, remember?"

I perceived him putting something down and turning me to face him. His task was so simple, but I still couldn't do it.

I slowly shook my head while tears blurred my vision again.

"I can't", I whispered, digging my fingernails into the fabric of Sapnap's hoodie. My knuckles turned white and I wasn't able to feel my fingertips anymore. With wide opened eyes I stared at my friend's worried face.