Hold on || dreamnotfound

chapter seven

dream's point of view

It had taken Sapnap more than an hour and multiple tries to convince me to get in the car with him. It wasn't like I didn't want to see George in the first place. I just didn't want him to see me. I liked the version of me that he knew and I just already sensed that he wouldn't want to meet the real me.

The messed-up, totally worthless me that couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. That wasn't able to eat regularly. The version of me that was full of doubts and emotions that not even it self could understand.

Right now, I would gladly open the car door and just jump out on the street to avoid this meetup. And to escape Sap's small gazes he always threw at me. I guessed he wanted to make sure I didn't somehow find a way to prevent this catastrophic event to happen.

"I won't try to kill myself, Sap. Keep your eyes on the streets", I reassured him, slightly laughing, even though none of this was funny in any kind of way. As expected, Sapnap lasted entirely serious, meaningfully clearing his throat. I silently sighed. I knew I was setting up a mask of happiness again.
To fool George and to fool myself.

I had opened up so much that I felt completely vulnerable and the only way to avoid this was to act out strength and normality. It had always worked so I didn't see a reason why it wouldn't do so this time. Except for my current mental state and the fact that I would see my best friend for the first time. My best friend that I was in love with...

The further we got, the more nervous I became. My mouth went super dry and my hands started to coldly sweat. I fidgeted around with my fingers, constantly biting my lips while staring out of the window. I didn't notice a single thing we drove past, too lost in my own thoughts. I didn't even realize we were standing on a red light, when Sap started to talk.

"Hey, I will stop at that takeaway over there real quick. You should eat something before we arrive at the airport", he let me know.

Almost immediately, there formed a lump in my throat, followed by instant refusal.

"No, thank you. I'm- not hungry", I claimed, hoping he wouldn't address the topic any further. The single thought of eating something now, right before I would meet George in person made my stomach tense up hurtfully. I didn't want to appear bloated from the meal, besides I also just had eaten. There was no need to do it again this early.

"Clay. I didn't ask you if you were hungry. I know you are. And that's why we will eat something now", he replied, already pulling over to enter the drive-in alley. Everything in me was reluctant to the simple idea of eating now. Without really noticing, I had started to shake my head in disagreement.

"No. I don't need to eat, Sap", I told him once more, but he didn't even seem to listen to me. Instead, he just snorted before moving up in the line of cars that were waiting for their turn to order some food. "So what do you want? A salad?" He asked when we were about to order food. I hadn't looked at him ever since he started with all this you're eating now thing because silent tears had started streaming down my face.

I didn't want to end up vomiting as soon as we picked up George and the pure thought of eating some of the greasy fast food shit made me gag.

"Clay?"

Gosh why couldn't he just leave me alone for once?

"I'm not eating anything" I only said, quickly wiping my sweater over my face. "You can't force me to fucking eat this- fast food trash just so I throw it up later" My thoughts continued to roll over my tongue. "You don't even know what this is like so don't try to act like you understand. Because you clearly don't".