Hold on || dreamnotfound

chapter twenty two

george's point of view

The last couple days had been like a blur. I couldn't remember much except for laying in bed, getting up to eat something and laying back down. Maybe sometimes turning on my pc to play some Minecraft with friends, but nothing really happened.

The last time I had tried to have a proper conversation with Dream had ended with him having a panic attack, which eventually kept me from doing it again. He was constantly avoiding me, leaving the room when I stepped in and not asking how I've been once. We were still living in the same house, but it seemed like we had never been that separated from each other.

It felt like we were slowly drifting apart. Because of me. It was my fault that Dream ended up like this. I shouldn't have taken him to the beach and I shouldn't have kissed him. But my worst mistake was pulling away and instantly asking to go back home. I didn't know that it would break him apart. I didn't know it would have that big of an impact on him. I didn't in fact know that it would bother him at all...

Turns out I was wrong.

If I only had realized that he had feelings for me too. But it still felt like a mere unbelievable fact that Sapnap hat spat out a few days ago. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that there was a possibility that Dream felt the same, especially since he was constantly avoiding me.

I knew I was falling off.
Drifting away from them.
Giving up the hope that I would somehow be able to rebuild what I had destroyed.

Before I could drown myself in self pity any longer, I slowly but surely pushed myself off the couch where I had been sleeping the previous nights and made my way into the kitchen, guessing I would most likely find Sapnap cooking something. It seemed to have some calming effect on him. Maybe he did it to distract himself from the fact that Dream was still struggling a lot more than we expected he would when we sent him to therapy. But maybe he just tried new meals, hoping that Dream would want to eat at least one of them, which never happened.

Some days it seemed like he was getting better, finally smiling or making a stupid joke, even eating some of the less greasy food Sap had prepared. But the next minute he would drift off again, staring onto the white walls. The therapist had told us that what we did was everything we could, but both me and Sap felt so incredibly useless.

We were just watching our friend fall apart, not being able to help him in any kind of way except for making stupid promises that everything would be alright.

Truth was, I had lost a part of my hope when Sap and Dream had returned after his first session. The brunette had stayed strong until Dream decided to head to bed, most likely because he didn't want to talk to me. And that was when Sap broke down, sobbing into my chest and telling me that it hurt. That it hurt so much seeing him like this and not being able to do something.

He had told me everything the therapist had said and that she had assured him everything would be alright. But a little voice in the back of my mind made me think the exact opposite. The image of losing Dream had appeared ever since, following me in my dreams and turning every night into a living hell.

"You alright?" A quiet voice suddenly sounded from behind, causing me to quickly turn around. I was expecting Nick to be there, but instead, I was met with the same piss yellow eyes that seemed to rip my soul apart every day.

"Yes I'm fine. How are you feeling?" I asked before sitting down on one of the chairs. Not that I expected an honest answer from the boy, but I could try to get something out of him nonetheless. "I'm alright don't worry" he whispered before sitting down as well. It caught me by surprise but I wasn't complaining. The last time he was in the same room as me, was probably before... the kiss.