Hold on || dreamnotfound

chapter fifteen

dream's point of view

tw: depression

The whole world stopped spinning when I suddenly felt George's soft lips touching mine, making me sink into a state of happiness.

I felt like there were bubbles of joy swirling around in my stomach while a slight smile was plastered onto my face when I finally kissed back, pulling him closer to my chest to fill up every just so tiny gap that was separating us from each other.

Everything was perfect. I never wanted this moment to end because I felt free for the first time in ages.

But it was George who suddenly pulled away, a scared expression on his face. All the enthusiasm and passion instantly disappeared, bursting the bubbles that had been brighting up my mood and leaving pure emptiness inside of me.

He slowly stumbled backwards before mumbling swear words under his breath, his hands clutched around his torso.

What had I done wrong?

"Dream I- I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that" he whispered before hesitantly making eye contact. "We should head home".

If I thought I had been in a bad mental state before, I was wrong. I had always known that the feeling of being rejected must hurt, but I never knew that it was that painful.

My heart was ripped out of my chest by the person I loved the most. Shattered into a million pieces and squashed on the ground.

I wasn't good enough.

The feeling of not being worth anything burned inside of my throat, leaving a numb feeling in my stomach and fogging up my brain.
It was scary to realize that you probably just ruined a friendship that had been keeping you alive for the past years...

At a certain point, I was only watching myself slowly following George like I was spectating my own life, not being able to control what was actually happening while the hole in my chest seemed to grow bigger and bigger the more I thought about what just happened.

Why had I been so naive? He was probably just tired from the trip and overwhelmed by the sight of the sunset. It was painfully obvious that he would never have kissed me under different circumstances and I felt stupid for not realizing that earlier. Before I decided to kiss back...

He had a fucking crush. A girl that was probably waiting for him to come back to ask him out and I had to ruin everything.

Stupid!

My fists clenched together, fingernails digging into my palms.

Worthless!

I felt tears burning on the side of my eyes but refused to give my thoughts the satisfaction they wanted by actually crying.

When will you ever learn!

Letting the underlying feeling that I wasn't good enough build up in my chest, I realized that we were almost home and decided to slow down my steps, not wanting to have a conversation just yet.

More thoughts were crashing down on me and I felt like drowning. Drowning because of my own fucking mind.

Embarrassing!

My throat got tighter when I saw George entering the house, not even looking back at me. Sap was standing in the doorway, a confused expression on his face.

Tell him! He will just laugh at you!

My fingernails were digging deeper into my skin, tiny amounts of blood dripping down by the time I reached the doorframe.