Cloudy Skies {Kaneki x Fem!Reader}

16: A Heart for Humans

A/N: Nothing big to really say or talk about right now. I've dedicated this chapter to 'Colour Blind'  by Young Guns. Enjoy reading this chapter and stay safe everyone! I hope you're all doing well! <3333333

  After you returned to Anteiku with everyone, you had agreed with them that you would come back the following evening, as soon as your shift at the hospital was finished. It was a grueling sixteen hours, awaiting the dreaded discussions of working alongside Kaneki. Yet, you knew that would be the only way for everyone to be safe—to be happy. You thought of how hard it must have been for Atsuko, all those years of keeping her father a secret from her closest friends.
  "Y/N?" You heard a familiar voice just as you were about to place your belongings into the backseat of you car. You turned to see Atsuko. What a coincidence. You thought to yourself, smiling at her.
  "Atsuko, hi!" You stated with excitement. It wasn't long since you last saw each other, but her presence was always comforting.
  "I came by to see how you've been. I know it's only been a few weeks, but I like to keep in touch." Atsuko commented. You shook your head.
  "No, that's my fault. I work so damn much that it doesn't necessarily leave any time for us to hang out." You reassured her, as her expression revealed guilt when she spoke. She perked up almost immediately when you replied.
  "Are you busy by chance? You seemed to be in a hurry." Atsuko noticed, leaving you to feel a bit of culpability for yourself.
  "I am actually, I promised to meet some friends for a chat. I just got off work not too long ago. I'm free later, though. I'll call you when we're finished if you still wanted to do something. It shouldn't take too long anyways." You wanted Atsuko to know that you wanted her company; that you weren't trying to push her away. You trusted her beyond recognition, and you didn't want that to go unnoticed. Atsuko giggled softly.
  "Of course, I'll be available all day. Just let me know, okay?" Atsuko happily agreed. You nodded.
  "Definitely, I'll see you soon." You answered. Atsuko smiled brightly at you.
  "I hope all goes well." Atsuko stated before her departure from you. You waved goodbye at her, as she did the same. You took a deep breath after your heart swelled up. The protective emotions you felt for a human didn't sound like something you would ever experience in your entire life. On the drive over to Anteiku, you considered the idea of whether or not you would be capable of feeling the same emotions for Ghouls—perhaps even the same Ghouls that detested you.

  As you stepped inside, the bell gave indication of your arrival. Though, unlike all the other times, you were not only expected to arrive, but welcomed. Touka gave you a lighthearted smile. It appeared that with everything discussed the night prior, she seemed to have a weight pushed off of her shoulders. The idea aggravated you slightly, but you considered the possibility that Touka was simply complacent with the fact that you finally knew why everyone had to do what they did to you.
  "Kaneki will be down shortly, he's helping Hinami with her homework. Can I get you a cup of coffee while you wait?" Touka spoke, her lavender hair swaying a bit as she gathered supplies behind the counter. You nodded.
  "I'd love some, thank you." You gave a tight lipped smile. You could discern that there was still some guilt that would cascade across Touka's face every now and again. Still, you at the very least wouldn't push the subject with her. Though, you couldn't let go of something she had mentioned that had got your curiosity ringing.
  "Hinami?" You asked, catching Touka off guard for a moment before she started to smile happily. It was the first time in a while you had actually seen her reveal a genuine expression.
  "She's been staying with us for quite a while. Even though there's no relation with anyone here, she's family." Touka explained the brief nature of the situation. You nodded with comprehension as Touka placed the coffee cup in front of you. You sat up at the bar section to the shop, looking around the room as you took slow sips of the coffee. You, nor Touka were feeling any awkward emotions with each other's presence. It was nice, you admitted to yourself.
  "Have you been waiting long?" You heard Kaneki's voice from the stairwell. You shrugged.
  "Not really, it's only been a few minutes. Touka said you were busy anyways." You responded.
  "I apologize, would you like to follow me up the stairs?" Kaneki contemplated.
  "Don't be sorry, I said it wasn't long. I've got plenty of time. Thank you for the coffee Touka." You continued, setting the empty cup at the counter, following behind Kaneki without hesitation. He seemed to be surprised by your confident actions.
  "Anytime, Y/N." Touka replied. You noticed Kaneki was behaving oddly.
  "Something wrong?" You questioned as you walked up the stairs with him.
  "I'm just surprised you came up so quickly." Kaneki answered with honesty.
  "Why would you be surprised? Because the last time I was up here I was thrown out of the window?" You jabbed, grinning at him. It was meant as a lighthearted joke, yet, you still held animosity over it. He could sense it by the tone of your voice.
  "Something like that." Kaneki was still faced, but you could tell in his tone that he was remorseful of his actions.. You chuckled quietly.
  "Is that so?" You responded, considering his words briefly.
  "I really am sorry. What we all had to do still didn't make it right." Kaneki was apologetic once again. You rolled your eyes and exhaled audibly.
   "I get it dude." You waved your hand up and down, as if to cut off the discussion from continuing any further. Kaneki knew that was what you were trying to do.
  "You don't have to believe me, but it's the truth. And as for what you said last night about me proving myself, I plan to, so don't worry." Kaneki was serious. You still managed to scoff at him.
  "Really, why would you be willing to go that far? Who's to say I can never be capable of trusting you?" You challenged, finding his comment in and of itself to be untrustworthy.
  "I guess we'll have to wait and find out, won't we?" Kaneki proceeded as you both sat down across from each other.
  "I doubt we'll see many results in the end, but do as you wish." You answered plainly, as a light sneer was painted across your face.
  "I know you hate us for what we did, but if we want to make things right, we have to work together." Kaneki insisted. You laughed mockingly.
  "I mostly hate you. You planned and orchestrated so much shit and I know it wasn't just because of what Eto told you. There was some animosity in it and you can't lie to me about that." You admitted your knowledge of the situation over the past. You wanted Kaneki to be made absolutely aware of how well you could sense his emotions, even if he didn't want you to know about how he truly felt; then or currently. He remained silent, causing you to continue.
  "I mean, you'd have to assume that I was pretty stupid to think that everything you put me through was all part of her plan, right?" You argued, recalling what you had endured for all that time. The stares, the mocking, the hatred, the mind games, the assaults. Every day was a gamble in whether you would live or die. Kaneki shook his head, desperately wishing for you to understand.
  "She said that it would help her see whether you would be worthy of taking her place." Kaneki explained, his voice filled with guilt. You seethed.
  "Yeah, I got all that from what she already told me. But that's a load of horse shit. Why didn't she just tell me that in the first place instead of pretending that she was dead?" You asked, finding his lies to be embarrassing.
  "She couldn't tell you, not only did she have her hands tied with V watching her every move, if she had just outright discussed it with you, she worried that you would refuse." Kaneki explained. You clicked your tongue at the thought of V. V's agenda may have been for the better, but many abused it, or even went too far in many cases. You even questioned the mindset of many of the members, hearing stories of how brutal they were to Ghouls and humans alike. Kaneki went on.
  "As for her pretending to be dead. V and all of us higher ups knew that she was alive. She faked her death in order to continue working behind the scenes. Eto and her men, alongside myself, Ayato, Touka, Nishiki, Tsukiyama, Yomo, Irimi, Enji—and now you, knows about her still being alive. There's a few others who know, but they aren't of concern to us. Eto planned this so that it would ease the way for you and I to take control of the organization." Kaneki proceeded to explain himself, as well as the goal that is set to be fulfilled.
  "So, V really is behind most of this?" You pondered, Kaneki hummed in agreement.
  "Unfortunately, yes. She hoped that your distance between us as Ghouls would push you to put more trust into humans. She said that V found you to be a threat. They wanted to get rid of you, but Eto wanted to show them your potential, as her own words." Kaneki added, hoping you would comprehend the situation. You sighed, already sounding exhausted.
  "Well, despite how wrong she was for assuming I would refuse, it did help me see both sides a little clearer. I was saved by a human that was raised by a Ghoul. It was all so surreal, like I was living in a fiction novel." You stated, smiling slightly.
  "Do you still keep in touch with this person?" Kaneki asked, his voice was filled with wonder. You didn't feel like entertaining the conversation, but you knew that you had to say something.
  "No, that was the only time I ever spoke with her. Her father watched over me at the hospital from there because he was my doctor." You stated, lying. You knew that Atsuko was the type of person that would want to be left out of the sort of things you were involved in. Not only as a means to protect her father, but to continue being as neutral as possible. You and Atsuko had been talking since the day you met her. It pained you to think that with everything going on, how difficult it would be to talk with or even see her with Kaneki being around non stop.
  "I know that you're lying. Not only do I know that you and Atsuko keep in touch even now, Eto has been watching you for a while. As you probably remember her admitting that to you." Kaneki revealed, angering you even further.
  "So, what does that mean? Is Atsuko in the way too? Is she a threat just because her foster father is a Ghoul and she's a human? She wants nothing to do with things like this so keep her out of it." You stated with a harsh, hostile tone of voice. Kaneki shook his head hastily.
  "No, that's not at all what I mean. I just wished you would've trusted me to tell me that. I've been best friends with Hide for a long time. You think I don't want to protect the sanctity of Ghouls and humans being together? That's the reason why we're doing all this, is it not?" Kaneki went on, making you realize his stance. You looked away for a moment until you felt a powerful urge to make yourself clear. You stared at Kaneki once again.
  "I suppose, but I don't care what happens. I'm not involving Atsuko in any of this, understand?" You asserted, not breaking eye contact in the process.
  "Fair enough, you have my word." Kaneki replied confidently. You chuckled softly.
  "Yeah, we'll see about how well your word holds up." You gave him a snide remark, making the distrust you still remained to have over Kaneki very apparent. Kaneki didn't respond, but simply ignored the words that escaped your lips. He would be lying if he stated the words didn't hurt. Even still, he knew the only reason you had no trust for him, was because of him.
  "We need to go meet up with Nishiki and a few others." Kaneki brought up out of the blue, standing up from the chair he was impatiently seated in.
  "Why?" You questioned with furrowed eyebrows, looking up at him while you still sat down.
  "So everyone knows that Eto told you everything. So that no one will go after you." Kaneki explained. He was quite insistent over the matter; almost desperate to get people on your side.
  "How can you be so sure they will listen." You asked with a loud scoff.
  "They're my loyal followers, aren't they?" Kaneki stated, grinning at you. You averted your eyes, rolling them soon after. You still found a way to chuckle to yourself at the memory of saying those words to Kaneki those few years ago.
  "Touché, let's get this over with then, shall we?" You shrugged, standing up from the chair.

  Kaneki and yourself went through areas of Tokyo that Shuu and Nishiki tended to frequent.
"It may be harder to find Nishiki compared to Tsukiyama, because ever since he and Kimi got back together, he's been spending all his time with her." Kaneki spoke up suddenly as the both of you walked together through the streets.
"Kimi?" You were curious, unsure of Nishiki's life and his past. It had then crossed your mind why you bothered to be wondrous in the first place. Kaneki was amused with your attentiveness.
"Kimi is his girlfriend. They met when he was still attending school at Kamii. She's a medical assistant, working with all of us to help with RC strength and other experiments that don't cause anyone harm like they did with Dr. Kanou. She worked along side Kanou for a few years until betraying him to use his findings for more positive outlooks that would actually help us, as well as humans." Kaneki relayed. You nodded, remaining silent. Kaneki began to chuckle to himself. You stared on at him, listening.
"She's even trying to find ways to help us have the ability to actually consume human food without it harming us in the future." Kaneki revealed, making you tilt your head with worry.
"Is that really even possible? I mean, I know that I can eat human food without repercussions, but the pain it causes all of you is dangerous, isn't it? It even lowers your RC strength too." You considered, worried for what Kimi may be planning.
"That's what Kimi is trying to decipher. Nishiki agreed to be the first person to test everything out that she experiments; and so far, things seem to be going extremely well." Kaneki assured. You groaned, interested in what Kimi was like.
"Kimi is also a human." Kaneki added, finding the detail important. You shot your head over at Kaneki, in disbelief.
"Nishiki, in love with a human?" You questioned, laughing to yourself.
"I admit that some of Nishiki's intentions are questionable, but he was forced to do the things he did as well. He actually enjoys your company. That's actually a lot to say for someone like Nishiki." Kaneki mentioned briefly. You sighed, pursing your lips with hesitation.
"I'll believe that when I see it. But, seeing as Nishiki gives his love and attention to a human like Kimi, I suppose that I can give him the benefit of the doubt." You admitted to yourself and Kaneki. You were completely honest over the sentence, not regretting your words either.
"Humans really did change you, didn't they?" Kaneki asked. You found his words offensive at first, but after looking at his expression, you decided to entertain the conversation further.
"It was mostly Atsuko, but yes. After attending Kamii it started getting a lot better from there. They're simple creatures; people I want to protect." You revealed confidently, smiling.
"Atsuko must have made a large impact on you." Kaneki stated, his voice sounded as if he didn't believe what you had said. You scoffed.
"Must have, I guess Eto's plan worked after all; despite how asinine it was." You replied, rolling your eyes as Kaneki and yourself proceeded with your search for Tsukiyama and Nishiki.
"I can't imagine what she said to sway you so much." Kaneki spoke as if he were rambling out loud. The comment annoyed you.
"What are you talking about? I thought you said that you and Eto knew that Atsuko and I stayed in touch? You can't expect me to believe that you weren't eavesdropping on our conversations." You stated with a grimace. Kaneki just looked at you, still faced. You glared at him, challenging him greatly. You continued.
"Whatever, it's not like I give two shits what you think, anyways." You added, annoying Kaneki.
"You think I didn't know how much you hated Ghouls and humans?" Kaneki said with malice in his tone. He seemed to regret his words almost immediately.
"I hated Ghouls for a damn good fucking reason, and you know that. I never hated humans, I just didn't care about them enough to know anything about them. There's a huge difference. If you recall, I never had much of a healthy childhood with loving parents who could teach me about both worlds." You began, feeling a weight get caught in your throat.
"Humans are half of what I am. Despite Ghouls also being half of who I am, I'm still willing to work with you in order to gain peace between all of us. That's the only thing you and I have in common, so don't go poking around trying to pry yourself into my life, because it's none of your business. The last thing I want is someone like you around me, and yet, here I am. Goes to show how serious I am about this goal, huh?" You relayed, incredibly aggravated.