Happy Place || A Jerrie Fanfiction

XXVI - IT HAS TO BE

I couldn't sleep after that phone call.

Instead, I kept thinking about all the possibilities, all the consequences that would be thrown my way the moment I accept the offer and finally take on the role of Ada Winfrey.

The first thought running through my head was the prospect of people misconstruing my accepting the role as a reason to stay close with Steve. Another thought is about Steve wanting to be close with me this time.

Although I didn't think it through, I started searching for my name in Google a few minutes later.

This is the third time I searched for my name on the search engine.

The first one being about the first breakthrough movie called 'Lover' that I did by myself 5 years ago. The protagonist that I played didn't have a love interest, so I wanted to check what other people are saying about me, which thankfully are all positive feedback.

I was worried at first because people are apparently obsessed with protagonists with love interests. And being in a movie that doesn't have romance as one of its themes had me fretting over people's opinions — if they were disappointed or not.

The second time . . . was when Jesy told me that pictures of me and Steve kissing in front of his apartment building disseminated all over media platforms. It was an impulsive decision — if not a stupid one. Being in a state of panic does that to me.

But this time, I stupidly thought people would forgive me. I thought people would understand what I'm going through, that they would at least try to see where I come from.

But they're cruel.

The posts I saw on my Instagram posts were . . . nasty, if I could sum it all up in a word. So many requests consist of threats from those who wish I didn't exist in the first place. I begrudgingly had to delete some posts of mine because there are posts that people unanimously decide to bash me on for some awful reason I don't want to know, even though those posts contain my most favorite pictures that I wasn't able to save in my phone.

As someone who's been in the film industry for more or less a decade, I know it's inevitable — all those spiteful comments thrown your way no matter what you say or what you do. But for Pete's sake! Just because they're inevitable doesn't mean I'm prepared for the hurt still.

I scoffed and slammed my phone on the bedside table, rolling to my front on the bed and not caring if I could barely breathe because my face is smashed against my pillow.

Sometimes I wish Mom was still here.

She knows what to do to console me whenever times get rough; knows how I genuinely feel because as cliché as it sounds, mothers know best.

My pillow was getting wet because of the tear stains, but I still didn't bother to do anything about it. I just stayed still, wishing the universe would just be nice to me . . . at least for one day.

XXX

The moon's shaped like a banana tonight, I observed. It made me remember the time when I was young and Mom would often exclaim at the shape of the moon because she finds it mesmerizing that moons can flash you a smile whenever you're feeling down.

My chest feels heavy just at the thought of her.

"He really said that he's going to fetch you if you don't come back?" Jesy asked incredulously.

"Yup," I answered, breathing in the ocean air, finding consolation from it.

I called Jesy awhile ago and apprised her of my phone conversation with Steve. She was the first person that came into mind because not only is she my manager, she's also my best friend (and because she's the only person who knows about Perrie, aside from Steve, of course.)