Heart at War // JJ Maybank

17

Lena Boggs

"I don't know Mom, I don't want to leave you alone." I gave her a look, biting down on my finger names as I leaned against our kitchen counter.

My Mom sighs, as she sets her mug onto the counter in front of me and pulls my hands into hers. "Lena, it has been two weeks my love. I promise I will be okay, you can even text me every hour if you're more comfortable that way."

I knew she was right, it's been two weeks since she came home from the hospital- But it feels like it's been longer. I've kept a close eye on her, which also gave me a reason to avoid hanging out around Kiara and JJ, and due to what Sarah's been telling me it's better that way. It seems they've skipped a few steps and have begun kissing in front of the others now, still not putting any label on whatever they were.

I didn't even have to see it, the thought was enough to make me feel sick.

Not only has it been two weeks since my Mom got out of the hospital, but it's also been two weeks since I've spoken to JJ, and since I've kissed Ayden.

Ayden and I have grown closer, just the other night he spent the night at my house, and yes... There's still some kissing going on, but I've made it clear to him that I'm not trying to get involved with anybody else while I'm recovering from everything that's been happening in my life.

So far he's been supportive, but I know at some point he'll want something more from me... Something I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to give him. Commitment.

Sometimes I feel bad. Like I'm using him, but I try not to view it that way. I was in love with JJ for a long time, those feelings can't just go away... It's alright if I kiss Ayden a little bit to help speed up the process of moving on... Right?

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I huff, blowing hair that had fallen in front of my face. "When did I become an overprotective parent?" I cringe, making my Mom laugh out loud.

"Speaking of overprotective parents... Can I ask if something is going on with you and Ayden?" I couldn't help but avert my eyes from my Mom's. She gasps overdramatically, "I knew it!"

I shake my head before she gets too excited. "We're not dating, Mom. I'm not even sure I want to date him... We're just," I thought about it for a second debating on what to say. "Getting to know each other?" It came out more like a question.

"Mhm, well. I'm just happy you're not hurting over JJ anymore, kiddo." I fake a smile as I force out a laugh at her comment, knowing just how false that assumption was. Maybe I've just learned to get better at hiding it.

"Well, I'm going to go get ready. Knowing John B, he'll come knocking on my door if I don't get down there soon enough." I exaggerate a sigh, smiling at my Mom as I make my way towards the stairs. "Yeah, you better get going. John B has no patience at all."

As I got to my room, I found myself beginning to panic over seeing everybody tonight. John B was having a fire at his house tonight and he made sure to tell all of us it was a mandatory fire. I knew it was more so directed at me considering I have skipped out on all invites the last two weeks, other than hanging out with Sarah or Ayden.

My Mom had seemed more lively this last week, she was going back to work on Monday and she seems to be eating better as well as sleeping better... When Dad left, she barely ever slept, and if she did... She would sleep on the couch because she couldn't bear to lay alone in the bed they once shared. But recently, she's started sleeping in her room again- I love it, do not get me wrong, but I can't help but wonder if something was going on that I didn't know about.