Heart at War // JJ Maybank

21

WARNING : Sexual Activity

Lena Boggs

         I tried to not feel guilty as I snuck out of John B's room at sunrise, I didn't get a wink of sleep last night even though JJ held me in his arms most of the night. Every time I closed my eyes, JJ's confession echoed in my mind. I didn't know what to think, or what I should do. It confused me because I thought it was what I wanted to hear, and maybe if it was a month ago I would have been over the moon about it... But things are different now.

I found myself wondering how Ayden would feel... This confused me even more because I wasn't even sure what I felt towards him, and I knew that we were nothing more than friends who... kiss. That sounds bad, I know but I had made it clear to him I wasn't ready for anything serious, so why did I find myself taking his feelings into consideration?

Then I thought about how I felt when I saw Kiara and JJ together, what JJ started with her knowing that we were sleeping together... Only stopped just recently. I wasn't over the betrayal he made me feel when he called me Kiara while we were having sex. Or the way he completely disregarded my feelings after I admitted them to him.

I also found myself wondering if what he said was even true at all... He had told me that he didn't feel for me in that way, I heard him tell John B that he doesn't care about me, and he has had so many opportunities to tell me in the past... It just didn't make any sense and it didn't feel fair to me.

When I got to my room, I slammed my bedroom door shut behind me and fell onto my bed.

Maybe it was just the alcohol speaking... Maybe another cruel game JJ was trying to play to see if he still had me wrapped around his finger...

I press my face into my press, letting out a scream of frustration as I think about every intimate memory I have with JJ.

I was confused, more than I had ever been before.

"Lena?" I gasp at the sound of JJ's voice from my window, turning to see his head sticking in through it. "JJ, what the hell?" I stand from my bed and watch as he climbs in.

"You left..." He mumbled, standing a few steps away from me. "Yeah, my Mom needed me." I tried to lie, but I knew he could see right through it.

There's silence that falls over us, our eyes never disconnecting as if we were playing a game of who was going to talk first. JJ's black eye stared back at me, taunting me... As if judging me that I left him alone after he broke down in my arms last night.

I let out a shaky sigh before pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "Do you remember what you told me last night?" I gave in, speaking first. JJ's shoulders tense, as he sucks in a deep breath.

"I do." Is all he says.

"Did you mean it?"

JJ stares at me for a second, watching as I crumble in front of him. My chest rising and falling at a rapid speed, anxiety coursing through my body at such an intense pace.

"I... Yes." He admits, and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was feeling.

My reaction shocked both as laughter ripped through me. I wasn't sure why, I didn't know why I was laughing when I felt nothing that could cause me to laugh at this moment. If anything I felt the exact opposite.

I cover my mouth trying to stop myself, JJ staring at me with confusion written all over his face. "Oh, you gotta be shitting me." I gasp out, shaking my head as I turn away from him and begin pacing around my room.