a quiet mind | huang renjun

Chapter 39

A soft light covered over the empty darkness of his irises. He opened his eyes; his lashes curtaining his vision and the blinding torch of the sun attacking his pair of abysses.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he knew something was wrong. The morning drew trickled along his fingers, the stickiness uneasy on the tip of his thumb.

"Xinyi" He reached beside him. Instead of her body, his hand landed on a jar. It took him a moment to process, before his head whipped around to stare at the packed jar full of white pieces of paper all folded into a boat. He didn't as to even react, only blinked at the empty spot next to him, his breath becoming short and shallow.

"Xinyi?" He called, picking up the jar  His eyes flickered upwards to his surroundings. The next stage was panic. Chest frantic and eyes beginning to tremble.

"Xinyi?" He called louder, standing up on his feet. He felt more porcelain that he has ever felt, as if one single touch would cause him to crash.

"Xinyi!" It was an aggressive yell, hoping for any type of voice to answer him. Till death does us apart. That's what they promised. A promise was the thing that sunk deepest inside Renjun's soul. If shattered, one broken piece could easily pierce into his heart.

"Xin-"

"Stop yelling, I'm here" It was her voice. That relief that flood through his body felt like a hurricane suddenly turning into a gentle breeze.

"Oh thank god" Renjun jerked her wrist towards him, grabbing her by the back of the neck and pulling her into his arms. He held her so tight, the panic that he felt two seconds ago carved inside his head.

"I was only gone for 2 minutes" Xinyi clasped the back of his shirt

"2 minutes is a very long time" He shook his head, shaking away the thought "I just woke up, and you were gone. My world just self-destructed for a second. Then I saw you. That indescribable relief I felt...I was so glad"

"Calm down" She ran a hand down his back "I told you, if I'm ever not there, just wait for me"

"Sorry. I just...I just couldn't afford to lose you and panicked..."

Xinyi looked up at him. Abruptly, a kiss was landed on his lips. No warning, no prompt. She just couldn't help it.

Renjun rose his eyebrows, a smile spreading along his lips. He leant down, dipping his head down to scrape his nose against hers. She placed a hand on his chest, teasingly leaning away.

"Your breath smells" She poked a finger against his forehead, pushing him away "Go brush your teeth"

"Just one" His eyes dropped closed again, arm pushing her waist closer.

"Go" With one final shove, she escaped and Renjun gave in. Leaving her with one wave, he disappeared down the stairs that lead down from the rooftop. Her expression suddenly switched into a solemn, melancholy frown. She glanced at the jar, an exhale coming from her nose.

Her eyes flashed towards the man behind the large water tanks. She advanced towards him, head towards the ground and hand dug deep inside her pockets to shield the marks from her nails that dug into her palm.

"Xinyi, are you sure about this?" The man behind the pillar, Kun, asked her gently. Xinyi hesitated. She glanced back, watching as Renjun came back from brushing his teeth and looked around trying to locate her. She saw the subtle panic in his brows, but also, that trust that brewed inside his stomach as he sat down and simply waited. His trust ached inside her. His trust that she was about to shatter.

She glanced back at Kun with a sad certainty in his voice "I'm sure"

Kun nodded, and took her away

—

Xinyi's hand quickly slipped away from Kun's uncomfortable grip as they landed feet first onto the realm she hated so much. She been good at landing on twos instead of fours lately.

"Kun! Why is..." Jisung's voice faded as his gaze flickered towards Xinyi's. Kun couldn't bare to reply. Xinyi's steps slowed as she advanced towards the lifeless body laid across the cloudy bed. Taeyongs face looked so cold; almost shrivelled and destroyed.

The people gathered around Taeyong stepped forward in alert. After all, Xinyi has indeed, a dark soul inside of her. Kun glanced around, a snap sound reverting off the walls from his fingers.

Silence. It was her, Taeyong, Kun, locked inside a completely white room. Isolated in empty solitary. Xinyi seemed to hesitate, eyes glossing over with apologetic tears as the memories of her and Renjun dashed through her mind.

"Just do it Xinyi" Kun clenched his teeth "If you hesitate another second, I'll send you straight back to where you belong". The words itself was hostile, but it was evident that Kun was holding back a whole colossal of emotions. It seemed as though nostalgia hit his mind and he was trying his best to erase all of it before it takes over him.

Xinyi knelt down besides Taeyong. Breathe. She blinked.

Do it, Xinyi

She closed her eyes, her mouth hovering above Taeyongs as Taeyong flinched at the suddenly taste of someone else's soul.

Take it, Taeyong.

She repeated in her head.

Take my soul.

The silver lake appeared. Swimming from one body to another in glimmering particles. Her brain delve into utter emptiness.

I ran my finger along the lake that felt like crystals under my fingers. Now and then, the meek glow of the sun would seep through the quilt of clouds. The grass under my toes tickled, sending a pleasant chill to indulge me in a homey hug. There were no sounds, however. I couldn't hear the soft chattering of the animals, nor the singing of the blue birds. It was quiet. Very quiet.

I looked beside me. It was a boy with streaks of silver hair like the rays of the brightest moon and a smile that undid all the knots in my chest. He was laughing; I couldn't hear his laugh. His demeanour eclipsed mine. He was so happy. I was not.

He looked at me. His smile disappeared. I couldn't decipher the look in his face. It looked as though he wasn't staring at me, or rather, something behind me. He was walking this way, why was he walking this way? My hand reached out to gently tap on his skin. I touched nothing but air. My hand went through his and he walked through my existence as if I didn't have one. He couldn't see me. I was mere particles to him.

I turned around and he was crouched beside the lake, with a boat in his hand. Suddenly, it poured. Needles of rain slashing down upon our skin, lightning and thunder bellowing down on us as if the weather was warning us to get away. I tried to grab the boy and run. But he couldn't see me, he couldn't even feel my touch. He just crouched there, and held the boat as if he was holding his heart.

I tried to say his name. No sounds came out.

Until he stood up, and looked at me. Without saying anything, he said everything.

And my heart had no sympathy on me.