Bad Boy Playground (h.s)

nine

Boyfriend

So I'm going to barf up my lunch.

Well my yogurt, and it's all thanks to the bitch sitting on Harry's lap. Fucking Ella. I'm surprised one of the nuns haven't come out to the courtyard to bust their asses.

"Do you really think he's into her?" Leah asks looking at the hot topic of lunch.

I can't help but roll my eyes, and I know I'm being a bitch but that's my guy over there not hers or fucking Ella's.

"Stop being so desperate, it's not attractive." I snap shoving another spoonful of yogurt in my mouth.

I ignore her confused stare and pity coming from Emma, the only person I could look at was Harry. His face looks bored and that's the only thing holding me together right now.

Braeden's sitting with the football team, we haven't had an actual conversation since game night and now that I don't have Harry as a distraction I'm going to force Brae to be a better boyfriend.

The questions the girls throw me as I stand up are the last things on my mind as I walk over to Brae's table feeling Harry's stare the whole time.

Coming up behind him I hug around Braes neck and kiss his cheek.

"Sorry boys but I need to borrow my boyfriend for a moment." I say pulling Brae's hand for him to follow me, hearing hoots and hollers from the boys left at the table.

Walking to the other side of the courtyard to make sure we're out of Harry's vision because I feel like pray under his hawk eyes right now, I turn to face Brae so we can finally resolve the awkward tension.

"Do you still love me?" I jump right in because fuck all this guessing and worrying. We're not like how we use to be and it seems like we've stopped trying.

I still love him.

And I love Harry.

But I can't date Harry without a lot of shit going down so I need to know if Brae still loves me so we can get back to where we were. Harry doesn't want just sex anymore and that's all I can give him so I have to fix my own relationship.

"Of course." Brae pinches his brows together questioning me for asking.

I let out a sigh of relief because I really just needed some reassurance.

"But you don't want to have sex with me?" I keep pushing because if I don't then we're never going to talk about it.

His eyes are soft as they look into mine, his palms engross my cheeks and he smiles down at me.

"Hope you're like a flower, you're beautiful and delicate. I can't just take that away from you. Once we've had sex you won't be that beautiful flower anymore."

I can't keep eye contact with him because if he really thinks my virginity is what makes me special then I'd be worthless to him.

I don't even know what to say, I think I should just take what I can get with the I love you, even though he didn't actually say the words.

Nodding my head to let him know I understand he kisses my forehead before heading back to eat with his friends.

What a waste of fucking time, all it did was make me feel shitty about myself.

I lean up against the wall trying to hold back my tears but as soon as my lip quivers I know the waterworks are coming.

Something important about me is that I hate people seeing me cry or me seeing people cry. It's just something that's always made me uncomfortable so when I heard a throat clearing I wanted the ground to swallow me up.