Chapter 22, Esmeralda

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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Love isn't an unknown feeling for me.

I love my family, I love my job, I love to sing, I love dogs, and the rain, I love to read, and travel, and buy gifts for people, but loving Milo Chase is a whole other form of loving. It's sweet, it's unpredictable , it's excruciating — but in a good way — and most of all powerful.

These past two days have been the best I've spent in my entire life. Milo and I spent all of them together, we had restaurants dates, ice-cream dates, we even went to the movies and watched an old film he starred in. I was laughing at him the whole time.
We had sex — a lot, and I really didn't think that it could be so enjoyable, after everything happened, I didn't allow myself to think about it in a good way, because I was terrified of the memories it would bring me if I tried to, but somehow, when I'm with Milo, I can't think about anything else but him. He taught me everything, and was so patient with me, he would always ask me if I was fine, if I wanted to stop, or if I was okay with the things we experienced, and it made the whole thing so...intimate. And so particularly filled with love that I cried at multiple times. Milo did too.

He left earlier this morning, and I have to admit that I am very sad to let him go for a whole month, but I think it will be very beneficial for the two of us, since we've spent so long despising each other and now that we've finally made peace with our feelings, a small break is needed to re-focus on work, and figure other things out. I will take advantage of this month to give everything I have on the work for the charity, and do more modeling, because I realized that I am quite enjoying it now. I think the whole reason of why I stopped doing it was because I just needed to get away from everything. After I was free from the rape, all I wanted was to be forgotten by everyone and become an invisible someone else. I spoke to Milo about the reason I came to his apartment in the first place, and he advised me to let the brand deal go, and write an e-mail to the CEO to inform him of the body shaming I experienced. I might have threatened to expose them on social media, but that's a story for another day. I received a whole lot of apologies and even a bouquet of flowers that I sent back.

Oddly enough, no that the whole thing with Milo calmed down, I have stopped experiencing as much anxiety, and I feel pretty relaxed in his presence, which became very rare for me. But obviously, now I have to announce the news to my family, and that would mean tell them about the rape. I already want to throw up from the sole thought. I am scared of their reactions. What if they're ashamed of me ?

No. They love me, they would never be ashamed of me.

I tried to call my best friend Cleo multiple times yesterday and today, but she never picked up the phone. I made myself a mental promise to go over to her house this afternoon, because her lack of activity on social media and her not answering my calls and texts is really starting to worry me. I message her one last time, before getting out of my car, and letting myself inside my house. I take a few deep calming breaths before striding in, where my whole family is having animated conversations in the living room. I feel bad for ruining their mood.

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