𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒕 ➵ schlattbur

XV / anecdoche

anecdoche

n. 

a conversation in which everyone is talking but nobody is listening

wilbur

//

wilbur found himself in the little hut phil had near the forbidden forest. 

and miraculously, instead of a lecture, there was silence for a long time.

he knew he wasn't bleeding, or physically hurt anywhere at least, so that meant he was partially okay. but wilbur also knew that this would not be something he could just easily recover from. who knew when all of this would get out to the whole school— the whole building maybe? it was  embarrassing now that everyone knew, but for all the wrong reasons. 

wilbur never really cared about how he couldn't preform magic anymore, every now and then feeling a little left of maybe, but really everything was fine. he practiced his hardest, sometimes coming back to phil's hut bleeding or with a reopened cut every now and then. and every time he came back to the hut phil said the same thing:

"you shouldn't have pushed yourself too hard."

and wilbur always had the same response:

"i won't get anywhere if i don't try." 

and phil would always say:

"you have the spirit of your mother." 

but this time, he remained silent for a minute.

"i didn't know this time. i couldn't do anything." 

phil wasn't surprised in the least. he never really liked professor jacobs, especially with his harsh teaching methods. however, he didn't expect wilbur to get so worked up over it.

"if you couldn't do anything about it, why do you care so much?"

that was genuine.

"because— because! he's.. he's supposed to care. i don't know! why do you?"

that wasn't.

while wilbur spent his time in the hospital he found comfort in trying to find out people's intentions without asking. naturally, he was good at it now even if he wished he weren't. but, it was his main sense of comfort. knowing what people meant, and knowing.

he knew niki was sweet, and was probably looking around for him somewhere. he knew she cared, and was the kindest person he knew for many years. if he ever needed something, she'd try her hardest to help even if sometimes she couldn't. she was his biggest support while he was recovering.

he knew minx was truly sorry for what happened. he also knew that she knew that there wasn't anything she could do anymore. she'd been there for a while, but she knew how to leave when she should and how to speak when she needed to. that was part of her. and there was another where all she could do was shout and defend herself and maybe even wilbur himself too— but she was sorry. and maybe deep down she still was guilty. he knew she would be after today.

he knew tommy and techno cared about him too, but in more of a brotherly way. techno wasn't good at showing it, but they had a long history together and wilbur knew when he meant it and why. techno would only do something if he really care. tommy on the other hand  had his own way. his own "i hate you but i really love you" way. wilbur knew he was scared to be alone sometimes, and that's why he only stuck to the friend groups he knew.

and then there was jonathan.

wilbur didn't know with schlatt. he didn't know if he actually cared, or if he loved like tommy did or if he loved how wilbur did or how he did anything. one second he was angry and the next he was laughing and had wilbur laughing too because that stupid laugh was too contagious to not laugh along. he knew he wanted to dance at the ball, and wilbur wanted to dance too, but there was so much he didn't know and he'd be lying if he said sometimes he didn't find it scary. but sometimes that scary was better? maybe he wanted to know nothing so he could learn everything. but he wouldn't know everything.

but, he did know that schlatt didn't like being called jonathan. and all wilbur wanted to do was say his name the way it was because it sounded nice. jonathan schlatt. it made him smile.

"phil?"

phil hummed in response, turning back over to wilbur. "yeah?"

"how did you know you liked mom?"

genuine.

"i didn't. not for a while at least." phil paused, smiling to himself. "i wanted to be around her, a lot. it made lose a lot of my anger or sadness. she made me happier."

he didn't know if schlatt felt that way about him. wilbur didn't know if he felt that way about schlatt. he knew niki made him feel that way— but not in an 'i love you way'. in a 'i want the best for you' way.

"i was scared of all the things i didn't know about her, and sometimes i wished i could unlearn everything just to learn everything about her again. she was fascinating, to me at least." 

wilbur knew this part. phil didn't want to push her boundaries, but at the same time wanted to figure out what she liked and what made her happy. he wanted to know what her favorite songs were (which was arguably still on for debated), and just how she liked her drinks. phil knew a lot about her, but that took time. wilbur wanted to know everything, quickly.

"i found myself going out of my way for her. i did things and didn't know why. i followed her to the nurse when she was hurt because i needed to know if she was okay, and i just couldn't explain to her why. one day it just clicked.

it clicked with wilbur that maybe, maybe wilbur liked schlatt. it clicked a long, long time ago when he bumped into him and felt bad and suddenly just wanted him around. 

and now it clicked because he had no reason to let schlatt into the common room that he certainly didn't belong to and he had no reason for why he stood around all dance hoping to be asked to dance and then suddenly getting too nervous to do anything and still blamed himself for how stupid he was. 

wilbur had no idea if schlatt liked him at all. or felt the same way he did, or if schlatt knew how he felt about wilbur. it was confusing. too confusing.

but, it was clicking that wilbur definitely did have something going on for jonathan schlatt.

"why?" phil asked, raising an eyebrow.

he almost turned red. "no reason! just curious." 

"uh-huh." he said, sounding suspicious.

phil definitely already knew whatever wilbur just figured out. maybe a little more than he knew himself, but he didn't really care. 

he was tired from today. too much had happened and too much to want to figure out exactly how he felt and what happened.

and in truth, he'd never been so drained.

--

ON THE GRIND!!! you guys have NO idea how good it feels to like. actually write again!!

i feel partially guilty for disappearing for like 3 months but also wow. really needed that break because i am SO EXCITED TO START THE NEXT CHAPTERS??!??!? literally pls  i wrote this in like 30 mins to like an hour maybe more but AUUGGGHH. 1000 word chapters used to be so hard to write for me and now its SO EASY? augh!!!! 

thank you guys for the continuous support throughout the book, words cannot explain how happy i am. especially with people who've been here from the start, or just started reading, because WOW. you are all so sweet. (i reread some comments and i just??! wow. really forgot what made me happy)

dont forget to drink water, eat, and do what makes you happy!!