As You Wish : Loki Fanfic

Terrified

Terrified

Semi 18+ Content 🔥

"Where did you run off to?" Loki mumbled half asleep when I slipped back into bed. He was laying on his stomach and wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me into him.

"I was talking to Tony." I told him. Loki immediately opened his eyes and looked at me seriously.

"What did he want?" He asked. I tucked some loose hair behind his ear before tracing his features with my fingertips.

"To apologize." I sighed. Loki sat up on his forearms to look down at me.

"That's good, right?" He asked, confused at why I wasn't happier.

"It is." I nodded and gave a small smile. Loki frowned.

"Why do you not look happy about it?"

"I am." I corrected. "I just have a lot of other things on my mind."

"Like what?" Loki asked and kissed my shoulder.

I sighed against him as I thought. I hadn't told him about what happened at HYDRA. I couldn't. I just wanted to block it all out, never think about it again. But I knew that was impossible. I still scanned every room for threats while making an exit plan. I still tensed when there was a loud sound, or someone moved too fast. And as soon as I stopped the pain meds... I knew I'd start seeing their faces again. The faces of the people I killed. I knew I'd hear the screams of the children crying over their father's body.

"Tell me, Kitten. Let me help you." Loki urged softly and pulled back to look at me. I looked into the green eyes I loved and felt my heart break. How could I not feel safe with him? I loved him! Why wouldn't my stupid brain realize that I was safe with him?

"I'm sorry." I sniffed as my eyes started to water again. "I'm so sorry, Loki."

Loki immediately hugged me to his chest and shushed me, rubbing my back comfortingly.

"It's alright, my love. Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. Just tell me what's wrong." He cooed.

"I'm terrified, all the time." I told him. "And I can't even explain why. I'm just scared. I thought that once I made it back to you it would all go away, but-" I hugged him against me, refusing to let go. I didn't want to tell him, but I also didn't want to lie. Not that I really could. He would know instantly.

"Kitten," Loki said and ran his fingers through my hair. "That's normal after such a long time undercover." He assured. "It's normal to be scared and a bit jumpy. It'll get better, I promise."

"You're not upset?" I asked.

"Upset?" Loki questioned and pushed me back to look at me. "Why would I be upset?"

"I basically just admitted to not feeling safe with you." I said in confusion. Loki sighed and looked down for a moment.

"Do you think I would ever hurt you? Or let someone else hurt you?" He asked and looked back up at me.

"No," I shook my head. "I know you'll protect me. I know I should feel safe with you, I just can't-" I made a frustrated noise and held the side of my head.

"It's a defensive mechanism, Kitten. That's all." Loki told me and pulled my hand away from my head. He kissed my knuckles before putting them on his chest. "As long as you know I would never let anyone harm you, I'm alright. You're subconscious will catch up. I might need to work a little harder to help you feel safe, but that's fine with me." He assured, making me relax. At my sigh of relief, Loki frowned.