Champagne for the Pain

Challenge #31

Vieve POV

I sit on the floor of my room, not having moved since I came back from the training room.

It replays in my head over and over again.

The dream becoming a reality, the image of his lips on hers stuck in my head like my own personal torture.

"She could never be enough for me, the dirty mutt"

Had he said that to Clary before I arrived? That I was a dirt mutt. That I am.

But the way he looked at me, the anger and dread. Did he regret it?

No. It was a vision, they were all visions. All I have managed to do is bring pain to those who have taken me in. The other visions were worse for others, yet nothing broke me like the visions of Jace which just goes to show my own selfishness throughout my time with all these people.

Because of me, Magnus will burn and die.

Because of me, Izzy and Alec will die. 

Because of me, Jace will sit in a cell until he loses his mind.

Because of me, Jace will die.

And because of me, Valentine will succeed.

I haven't slept more than a few hours at a time since waking up in the infirmary, the nightmares getting worse and worse, no longer visions but rather screams and pain is all i can hear when i close my eyes, the smell of fire and burning, but all i see is just blackness.

Which is why I have decided to leave, to protect the people I love from myself. I will miss every single one of them, even Clary but I can't stay here. I can't stay.

And so I sit. I sit on the floor thinking about my options and the time I have had here. The first time in a long time where it felt as though I was a part of something. The tears stopped a while ago, but the hiccups remain, my eyes swollen and my nose bright red.

And I just sit. I'll leave tomorrow but today I sit and think. I have to leave without saying goodbye or else none of them would let me go. I doubt Jace would care but Alec and Izzy would just make it more difficult than it already is, they would beg me to stay and I know I am not strong enough to go through that. I am not as strong as I used to be.

A quiet knock at the door pulls me from the spot on the floor, wiping my under eyes and nose as I yell out "Coming", while Alec's knocks become impatient.

"Jesus Alec, just give me a seco-" I open the door to see Jace standing with his hand raised to knock again.

"What do you want?" My voice comes out harsher than intended and he flinches slightly at my tone. I instantly wish I could take it back but he deserves this. He doesn't care what I think so why should I care what he thinks?

Because I love him, the annoying voice in the back of my head reminds me.

"Can I come in?" he asks, not meeting my eyes at all, his head lowered, looking at his feet.

"Why?" my voice cuts out, even harsher than before. I wish I could cover the hurt, but it's blatantly obvious when my voice cracks at the end.

"Vieve, I..."

"You what Jace? Want to come rub in how happy you are with Clary? How much better it is with her? That you aren't embarrassed or bored of her?" I can't help myself from the low blows, the anger and hurt taking over my body.

"What and you haven't moved on? Did you forget the hallway where we caught you and Alec? My best friend Vieve, I didn't think you were that low" He spits out, his face becoming red with anger.