Their Diary's Pages ([Completed]Under Major Editing)

Episode 10:

Warning: Errors ahead. Read for your own risk.

April 25, 2014

𝓨𝓸𝓸 𝓢𝓮𝓾𝓷'𝓼 Pov

I heave a deep sigh before sitting down on the cushion and lean my back on it. Tiredness was starting to creep into me as I stare into the city outside the window of the car.

"Han Sui can you teach me to drive after dinner?"

I ask breaking the silence between me and Han Sui. Yes, I'm pretty tired but if I stay and do nothing today mas lalo akong mabore and the worst is that my mood change easily if I can't shake this feeling off. I don't want to have a rough night laying on my bed trying to sleep but I can't, kahit na pagod pa ako.

"Aren't you going to go on their dorm?"

She ask not taking a glance from me. Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya. I would love to but I don't know if I really deserve to be there. Atsaka sigurado naman akong nandun si Chorong. That feeling and thought alone could not make me go there. Hindi naman sa umiiwas ako, it's just that I am feeling not comfortable when she's around. Hindi ako makakagalaw ng maayos dahil pakiramdam ko binabantayan niya lahat ng kilos ko.

"No!"

"Bakit naman? Naninibago yata ako sayo."

Napangiti lang ako ng mahina sa kanya. Ano bang bago pag hindi ako pumunta dun? Sanay naman sila na wala ako dati diba?

"They needed space too. Atsaka may tao silang kasama ngayon. Ayaw kong pumunta baka kung ano naman ang masira ko."

"You're jealous."

Napatingin naman ako sa kanya dahil sa sinabi niya but she was not looking at me. She was just looking straight ahead. Napatawa ako ng mahina habang iniisip yung sinabi niya. I know that word but I don't know how does it feel. Weird right?

"How can I if I don't actually know how it feel to be jealous?"

"What? Seriously? Hindi alam ni Kim Yoo Seun ang pakiramdam na nagseselos siya while she looks like she's jealous?"

She said laughing on me. Kung hindi lang sana siya nagda-drive baka binatukan ko na siya. Kailangan ba talaga niyang pagtawanan ang inosenteng katulad ko na hindi alam kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman sa sarili tapos kayang mag-observe ng mga tao sa paligid niya? And besides, I'm still learning.

"It's when you were pissed or hurt when someone wants to be with the person you like or treasured. Yung pakiramdam na gusto mong isampal sa pagmumukha ng kung sino man ang lalapit sa taong gusto mo at sabihing sayo lang siya. Parang ganun!"

So that is how a jealous person feel. What I feel right now, can you even consider it jealous or self downing? Dahil hindi ako naiinis. I can't even tell if I'm hurt. What I think and feel right now is that I have no right. No right to complain and do the things that I wanted to do with them. Atsaka sobrang baba naman ng mga dahilan para magselos ako.

"And you look like you're avoiding them. Is there a problem?"

"Pag-iiwas na ba ang tawag dun? Hindi ba pwedeng nagbibigay lang ako ng personal space?"

She scoffs on what I said. Ano na naman ba ang sinabi kong mali?

"Their space is you. Kung hindi mo yun napapansin."

Napataas naman ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. Why is she talking like this? May nakain ba siyang hindi maganda ngayong araw na 'to at nagkakaganyan siya? Naninibago ako ah.

"Never mind."

She said rolling her eyes. We already reach Rain's house which I already considered mine. Pagkapasok ko sa loob ngiti agad ni Li Hae ang nakita ko.